Real hos don’t do it in tents.

My husband wants to go camping this summer. That’s fine with me, he can go wtih the boys, but I refuse to go.
I am such a “girl” when it comes to camping. I’m totally not into roughin’ it.
I told him the only way I’ll go is if he rents me a big ass motor home with a shower and a kitchen.
He says that’s not camping. Camping, in his opinion, is pitching a tent and eating army rations.
Well then, I’m not going. I am not going for 3 days without a shower and I don’t care if they have showers on the camp grounds, chances are they’re nasty and I am not standing on no floor where I have no idea whos juice has dripped on that floor. Oh hell no.
Then there’s the campfire. I hate the smell of fire all up in my hair.
All of my friends who have been camping say I don’t know what I’m missing, that it’s a wonderful experience.
Oh, so sad for me, too bad I’ll never experience it, but y’all have fun with the bugs and the dirt and the stank and the bears and the disgusting food and the nasty bathrooms.
I’ll stay here at home with the air on and take showers all day, watch TV, look at pictures of me and Jay, eat skinny cows and piss and take dumps on my freshly scrubbed toilet while reading E.E. Cummings poetry.

21 thoughts on “Real hos don’t do it in tents.

  1. sarah

    I’m so delighted that you take dumps while reading the book I sent you! That is an image I’ll treasure forever, Yvonne.

  2. gojou

    Christ, but that last bit sounds romantic! Tony will be EVER so sorry if he misses that! 😉

  3. keith

    you’re such a girly-girl; i love it. why go camping when you can just walk through the park and pretty much appreciate the same things?
    i’m with you. have you got a second bathroom i can use?

  4. Adelle

    AMEN!!! My feeling is that if you can afford someplace to sleep other than the ground, then go for it!!! Even if you can’t afford it…

  5. Tom

    Go to a campground that rents cabins. Some even have Air Conditioning and refrig/stoves 🙂
    Nothing better then sitting around a campfire and drinking/smoking the wacky tobacci.
    Camping is a lot of work, but it can be fun.

  6. Em

    Must agree with you about the fire stink in your hair. That blows, and is my number one issue with camping.

  7. laura

    try working as a professional tree hugger and say you refuse to camp. they were lucky they managed to get me in a canoe and even then i almost drowned. no way i’m going camping unless there’s a bathroom with a mirror and outlet for my hair dryer.

  8. marti

    I am with you 100%. My husband loves hunting and fishing with nature and pitches a tent. I am so city and grew up with a motor home to camp in. No way will I sleep in a tent. Go where there is a cabin with running water. BE FIRM. Hold your ground.

  9. Michelle

    I am a total priss but for some reason I love camping. Of course we go to one that has hot showers and flush toilets but I like to pee outdoors after a few bottles of Mad Dog which by BTW is the campers drink of choice!

  10. Empress

    Camping – ugh! Our evolutionary progress has included indoor plumbing and fire that we contain in our ovens. Not to mention those big comfy beds we have created! It’s what sets us apart from the beasts!! We should revel in our superiority! Screw camping!

  11. dana michelle

    Camping is so much fun, but you need some essentials:
    1) Air mattress: Much nicer than sleeping on the cold, hard ground.
    2) Flush toilets and showers with hot water.
    3) Aqua shoes or flip-flops to wear in the shower stall.
    4) GOOD food. Not army rations!! Yeesh!
    Nothing wrong with having some creature comforts along with you. As for sitting around the campfire, that is the *best* thing about camping! You get to drink alcohol, you know. And s’mores rock.
    You really ought to try it, just once. You might find that you like it.

  12. Kristen

    I am a total girlie-girl but actually love camping. Maybe it’s who you go with & how well they help you to enjoy it all.
    For memorial day we spent 3 days in the Smoky Mtns roughing it. However I must say that the shower I took as soon as I got out was the best damn shower I’ve ever taken.
    In August we’re spending 10 days out in the Grand Canyons. Just call me Campgirl Kristen now. Who would have thunked it?

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