I totally left out the part about the mexican “I no speaky english” woman who cut in front of my kids in line and got a whole lotta me in her face

For some reason, that picture describes exactly how I feel at this very moment. I lie a little. “Exactly” would look more like this. (Because my left boob is all clogged up again and is as big as the head of an adult human being. And hard as a rock. And all veiny. AND? HURTING PRETTY BADLY) But other than that one, er two minor details, that picture TOTALLY describes how I feel.
Large, lazy, hairy AND very hungry.
We spent Saturday at Knotts Berry Farm for my husband’s company picnic. It’s always awesome to spend the day with my family, but it’s NOT awesome to spend the day with my two BOYS who are SCARED OF ROLLER COASTERS or any ride that even looks remotely scary/unsafe/capable of breaking down and getting stuck.
“They’re just kids. They don’t have to ride if they don’t want to. It’s natural for them to be scared.”
Yeah, yeah. WHATEVER.
They’re not 3. They’re almost 8 and 12 years old. And they REFUSE to even try any of the rides and oh how pissy that makes me.
I was terrified of rides when I was younger. My aunt and uncle forced me try one. Actually, they tricked me into getting on but it’s too long of a story, so I’ll stick with “they forced me”. I was screaming and crying. I was telling them that I hated them and that I’d never forgive them.
The ride started and guess what?
Had they not done what they did, I never would have tried it on my own and I’d probably still be too scared to try.
I won’t go as far as my aunt and uncle did to get my kids on a ride, but I totally beg and promise to give them money or whatever else it is that they want.
They’re like. “Um. NO.”
We ended up in camp snoopy, which is the part of the park for BABIES.
We had to wait for FORTY FIVE MINUTES for a ride that they believed was safe enough for them to ride.
“GR8 Sk8”
Lord. Have. Mercy.
It’s a stupid oversized skateboard that slides up and down on a platform. That would be my kid in the third row, with his HANDS UP because, you know, he’s so freaking brave.
Despite the fact I couldn’t get my boys on any rides, we had a great day.
I love my family. Love.Love.Love.
Here are a few of my favorite pictures. I’ll upload the rest to Flickr later on.

26 thoughts on “I totally left out the part about the mexican “I no speaky english” woman who cut in front of my kids in line and got a whole lotta me in her face

  1. Geri

    My son, who just turned 13, is also afraid of rides. The last time we were at Disneyland, we had to drag his ass on the Indiana Jones ride. My daughter, however, loves thrill rides. Go figure!

  2. Kristina

    Yvonne girl you LOOK GOOD! I mean it. You look just as good as when we went to meet Mohr the Whore. I swear to god girl. I can’t get over how amazing you look. You look vibrant and you look happy and you have a sort of glow about you. You just look awesome.

  3. geeky

    dude, i hate rides! it’s funny because i just posted about that today because we went to Busch Gardens this weekend. let your kids not ride the rides! it won’t kill them 🙂
    btw, can i also mention how great you look in those photos? i’m so glad you decided to go!

  4. Tammy/averagemom

    I love the bear picture! The second one made me snort tea out my nose, though, and I’m not sure it was worth it.
    You look amazing! I love that colour shirt on you! Me, I’d look like fool, what with the red hair, but you look great! Not at all like a big, hairy, lopsided bear!

  5. krissy

    Dude, I used to be the same way. I hated roller coasters (which was funny because I hadn’t ever been on one to even know that I’d hate it but it was just terrifying to watch) until I went to Magic Mountain with my two of my friends who made me ride everything. The first roller coaster I ever rode was Flashback. After that, I was hooked. Now I’m trying to get my best friend to love them as well.

  6. Buzz

    Oh hells no! That’s some scary-ass shit right there! I don’t blame them. Plus, they’re probably happier to have you mad at them for being scaredy-cats than being mad at them for shitting their pants in the middle of an amusement park because of DEATH-COASTER!!

  7. Steph

    My half brother used(still could be) to be terrified of any kind of ride. I remember one time my dad dragged him onto Pirates of the Carribean kicking and screaming. I also remember a time when we were waiting in line to go on California Soaring(I think that’s the name) and he had just learned how to read. I saw the tears well up in his eyes after he read the sign that said “Be prepared for dips, turns, etc.” It was so sad.

  8. Lisa

    You look BEAUTIFUL!!! Hmmmm…. totally don’t understand your boys… I say BRING ON THE ROLLER COASTERS – I LOVE them!!!

  9. Mieke

    Hi from NY.
    How is your breast feeling? Nurse only on the big side.
    You look beautiful in these pictures. I love that color on you.

  10. Redhead Mommy

    Hm…lots of thoughts, lots of thoughts. 1, Knotts Berry Farms is owned by the same company as owns Cedar Point in Ohio….I worked there four summers in highschool/college. 2, definitely only nurse on the clogged side. 3, you so do NOT look like the bear. 4, you really do look terrific in the pictures! Okay, i think that’s it. Happy belated mother’s day!

  11. cee

    Oh Yvonne, you look great!!! Really, you look very, very happy! Sorry to hear about the boob actin’ up again…. sigh…. Great job on the weight loss!!
    And ya, I had to put up with my 11 year old son in near tears in line for the Hulk at Universal…. after that initial terror…. I couldn’t keep him off the rollercoasters…. go figure. Kids!

  12. melly

    Yvonne, seriously, you’ve lost a lot of weight. I guess maybe I should now, too. RIGHT AFTER THIS CHEESE DIP.

  13. Leslie

    You look great in those pictures you are really losing alot of weight! You are inspiring me to get off my duff and excercise!

  14. Beth

    Great pics! And that one of you with Gabby — well, how cute are YOU?? You’re no bear, woman. I love the one of you with your boys, too. What a sweet family!

  15. justme

    Sorry to hear about the clog again, ouch! My kids are little dare devils lol. We love knotts. You made me home sick 🙁 What great pic’s of you and the kids. You are looking good girl!

  16. Y

    Thanks, you guys. I have lost a little weight, but I still have a LOT to lose.
    (p.s. I totally cut out the bottom of the picture because you can see my big gut rolls. Is that cheating?)

  17. ella

    You look great as does the rest of your family!
    I loved roller coasters when I was younger. I’d still ride them except now they make me wanna puke!
    My son (11) loves them so he and dad ride all the crazy rides and I hold stuff.
    Looks like the whole family had a great time.

  18. Janis

    Just a thought in regards to the boob…
    Do you wear an underwire bra? The wires can compress on ducts and cause problems. Also make sure you are wearing a good fitting bra to avoid the same problem.
    If it is the same spot time after time trya new bra that could be the problem. Also try nursing the babe in different positions on the wonky boob to see if that helps drain it a bit better.
    She should be abput at the age where she’ll nurse while doing handstands so you could give that a whirl! LMAO!
    You think thats funny? Try twins nursing while doind handstands, flips, twists and turns, all while keeping a death grip on the sacred nipple lest they lose the boob and have to sit still and latch on again. Yeah.. nursing almost 20 month olds is great! (really most of the time it is- until older siblings put mountain dew in their sippy cups while mom is in the shower and they try to nurse like monkeys on crack)

  19. vicki

    Hi, Yvonne. I found you via Jen’s a week or so ago and I’ve been having great fun following your blog! Ya- our Disney World adventure went pretty much the same way a number of years ago- “It’s a Small Small World” is permanently burned into my neurons.
    Just one tiny thing: Lighten up on the self criticism. I was expecting a troll, for Pete’s sake! The pictures of you and the children are BEAUTIFUL. Even hiding behind the sunglasses and your lovely children- YOU are beautiful. Jeez! Be nicer to yourself! (sorry for butting in there…)

  20. chasmyn

    Girl, you are looking sao slender these days! You give me hope for what could possibly happen with me after Kiernen is born.
    Okay, here is my advice on the boob blockage, to be taken with a grain of salt and much laughter. Ready?
    Gabby could never unstick that clog because she is too small. You need to get your husband in on this one. Get him to suck as HARD as he can to see if he can unblock that clog. He can take one for the team, I know he can.
    Just a thought.
    You look beautiful and glowy in those photos, girl. Seriously. Don’t deflect, take the compliment! I don’t lie!

  21. halloweenlover

    I second or third or eighteenth everyone else, you look FANTASTIC in these pics! You need to change back your bio to hottie bo bottie mama.
    Sorry about the boob though. What causes this anyway? I will make mental notes for someday if I ever have a baby. (I want one, I just hate to tempt fate by calling it a given)
    Anyway, more pics!!!

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