‘Er since finding out that a mouse is indeed in our house, I’ve been “on edge.”
I’m extremely paranoid. Every noise literally makes me jump. Just now, as I was taking a dump, a pincher bug scrawled across the floor and I threw my feet up and screamed! SCREAMED! How was I supposed to know it wasn’t a mouse?! It could have been a mouse!
I feel violated. Violated and all vomity inside. My life was fine and dandy until they showed up. I could actually walk in the kitchen and look in the cabinet for something to snack on without putting on a pair of boots and carrying a flashlight.
I refuse to open the cabinet below the sink, so I made Tony put all the “essentials” on the counter top. (like the dishwashing detergent, the windex, trashbags.) Also, and this is our little secret because I think Tony would feel justified in slapping the shit out of me if he knew this, I take a kitchen chair with me when I need to open the fridge and I stand on it before opening the fridge because that is where the mofos are running to hide. And WHAT IF ONE RUNS OUT WHILE I’M SEARCHING FOR SOME MAYO?
I’m sure this is giving you the impression that I’m a big fat (ha! ha!) wimp, and, I’ll fully admit, when it comes to certain creatures, be they a potato bug a MOTH, or A misquito (ok and/or Aaron Neville.) I am a frightened little girl. But I think the fact that I once chased a purse snatcher in a dress and heels AND gave birth twice without an epidural should TOTALLY cancel out the fact that I have been standing on a chair in order to take the milk out of the fridge.
When my dad came to remove the dad mouse from my house a little while ago, he was somewhat disgusted at my behavior. I gave him a trash bag and screamed “DO NOT MOVE IT UNTIL I AM OUT OF THE ROOM I CAN NOT SEE IT.”
“Mija! It’s just a mouse! Stop it!”
I feel so misunderstood.
I am honestly and truly freaked the hell out by this mouse business. Amy described it perfectly when she said “it’s like you can feel them crawling all over your body.”
I have to move. Move to a place far away from the mice.

15 thoughts on “jumpy

  1. Heatherg

    Its okay Y, Your going to get through this.
    Tony’s gonna come home soon and “fix everything” like the good husband he is…….

  2. Tanya

    Terminix has these hard plastic containers with food in them that the mice eat and then dehydrate. So when they die they don’t stink, and you don’t have to deal with the little corpses.

  3. reese

    I’m the same way about mice! Ok, I don’t scream, but I really make my man take care of it and I tell him I don’t want a damn thing to do with it–don’t show me, don’t tell me, just take care of it!
    But with bees? I am a million times worse. Cockroaches? Kill me now. Like you, I could smack the hell out of someone if I needed to, but those stupid ass critters? Hate them! I hate that something that much smaller than me I cannot control. I feel like they have control over me 🙁

  4. Firebrand

    I say get a cat. I know having mice SUCKS, but the one time I have ever had mice was in an apartment I lived in 10 years ago. The apartment manager was an @sshole about it, too! He set some traps and then just LEFT THEM THERE, expecting us to check them and take care of whatever was found. Yeah, RIGHT! Luckily, I had a cat who was all about being a mouser. True, he’d deliver the goods, but thankfully, he left them on the floor by the garbage can and I had a fiance to take care of ’em. Just like you have Tony! A cat would TOTALLY keep those l’il rodents in check!

  5. Cara

    I know what you mean. I live on a farm and mice are awful, and I’m a wimp, I’ll admit when it comes to mice, they might as well be 6 ft. tall.. I’m gonna agree with firebrand, get a cat.
    We’ve had our cat for 2 years and I have seen the first sign of a mice since then.
    This is my first visit, I love your blog, it’s hillarious!

  6. Jessica

    did the health department ever come out to investigate the nasty neighbors?
    now a more important question… where you not supposed to get a sonogram on monday? dont’ we at least get a report of what the prognosis is?? sheesh. you get us all worried about you and then leave us hanging. common Y! i hope it really is nothing serious.
    and as for the mouse… i vote for moving.

  7. angela

    i’m like this about only one thing… cockroaches. or as i used to call them, caca roaches. one time, my grandmother killed one and part of it kept crawling down the hallway.
    even now, as an adult, i make my husband kill them and dispose of the carcass. if i have to kill one, it’s me and a can of hairspray at 5 feet away. i is scared.

  8. Mary

    God how wrong is it that I am sitting here laughing my tail off all the way across the country?
    You paint such a vivid picture I can just imagine you standing on the chair~
    The one time we had them after we moved here 7 years ago one was in the little drawer you pull out (like pan storage).
    That was 7 years ago! and I STILL cringe a little everytime I open that sucker!
    I’m telling you, get some freaking D-CON.
    My husband was all “they will die in the wall and stink”
    Never happened.
    I hear that they go away to die….who cares?
    I just know that i didn’t have to screw with any trap and dead mouse body!

  9. mrs darling

    Y you may be interested in knowing that last night as I was walking to the bathroom in the dark the mouse trap started moving across the floor!
    I wrote the ordeal on my weblog entitled A True Story. I wrote it to the beat of Twas the night before Christmas!
    You’re not alone in your fear!

  10. stephanie

    I’d be the same exact way. I remember when we had a rat in our house when I was in high school and I refused to eat anything out of the lower cupboards for months.
    But, it could be worse…
    My friend had a GIANT RAT living in her apartment and her landlord provided her with rat poison, but would not remove it himself. So, she put the poison in the kitchen and barricaded it off. To make it even worse, the rat was so big that the poison didn’t kill it and the rat just made awful, pain-filled screaming noises for over a week. When the rat finally stopped making noises, she went in to get him, and it turned out not that the poison killed him, but that he crawled into a box of sugar and ate himself to death by consuming the entire box.

  11. Gina

    I think I would be totally creeped out as well knowing that little meeses were running around my house.
    That and the hanta virus thing.
    Forget I just said that.
    Just close your eyes and think of the movie Cinderella. The mice were cute, helpful, fun! They even sang a bit! They were handy with fabric!
    Hopefully that will help a bit.

  12. Mommygoth

    I am like this about spiders, which is bad because they’re bloody everywhere, and sneak up on me when I least expect it. I once put a hammer through the wall in my room because it was the first thing I could put my hands on when I saw the spider. Definitely feel your pain.

  13. Z

    You need a cat. Plain and simple. And one you have seen kill. Then you will be able to go back to your kitchen. It will be okay Y.

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