Busted Booty

I’m exhausted.
And what is one to do when they are mentally exhausted?
Bust out the Coconut Parrot Bay, that’s what.
The boys begged me to let them spend the night at a neighbors house tonight. I didn’t want to let them at first, but I am so damn exhausted, I said “YES!”
At first, Tony was pissed off that I said yes, then, IT CLICKED.
“No boys.” “Rum.” “She’s not wearing a bra.” “I’m horny.” “Penis.” “Vagina.”
Next thing you know, he was all “Have fun boys!” and “Can I get that rum and coke started for ya, baby?”
See, we both get a little too excited when we get a night without the boys because having sex with growing boys in the house is dangerous business. Especially now that one of them has taken The Puberty Classes and knows what Mommies and Daddies do. So, when they’re not here, it’s like NAKED PARTY FOR TWO IN THE BEDROOM.
When the boys were a bit younger, we used to joke about tying cow bells to Andrew’s ankles because I SWEAR TO GOD, every damn time we’d get our groove on, we’d hear him crawl out of bed and we’d have to jump into the “Fake Sleeping” position whilst pulling up our pants to avoid getting caught.
(this is the part where the “coconut” is kicking in, so, um, keep that in mind.)
We were always careful to shut the door and to be very quiet.
But there was this one night….
Tony wanted to Do It. And I was like “Let’s!” And so, the clothes came off, the bodies started touching and next thing you know, we were Full on Boinking. ON A WEEK NIGHT! Because we are Fuh-reekay, like that.
I don’t want to get too graphic here because there are certain people named MELLY who get all grossed out when I even MENTION having The Sex with PigHunter, but, um, he was “on top” Gettin’ Jiggy Wit’ It and all of a sudden, he STOPPED.
Then he looked at me. Then, he looked to see where my hands were.
To his HORROR they were NOT touching his ass.
Next thing I know is I hear my son’s very sweet voice uttering the following words.
“hehehe, I’m touching your booty butt, daddy.”
He rolled off of me, I pulled the covers over my Lovely Lady Lumps and um, he pulled the covers over his “booty butt” and we both just layed there wondering what to say to this sweet, innocent little 4 year old who had just squeezed his fathers NAKED, CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF THE BUMP AND GRIND A-S-S.
He laughed again, “hehehe…I saw your naked butt, daddy!”
“Yes, you did. Why did you get up from bed?”
“I was thirsty. heheh BOOTY BUTT.”
We realized he had NO CLUE what he had just, uh, “stumbled upon” and so we said as little as possible, perhaps something about “Wrestling” and sent him back to his bed.
He never mentioned another word about it, and NEITHER DID WE.
Moral of this story?
NEVER DO IT WITH THE DOOR UNL0CKED and if you must?? (because your husband keeps “forgetting” to buy a new door knob with a lock on it because “he can hear them when they get up, so don’t worry and GET NAKED, WOMAN.) COWBELLS, people.

19 thoughts on “Busted Booty

  1. gtc

    I nearly peed my pants reading this entry. That’s hilarious! Thank you for sharing your life so freely here. You certainly make me giggle.

  2. Mona

    Hahahahaha! I almost woke everyone up from my big laugh from their sleep. That’s soooo hilarious! Thanks Y 😉 It’s 2.25am, I better sleep.

  3. Debbie

    Even better than cowbells is called LOCK on the DOOR!
    I won’t give you the graphic details but we got caught once a few weeks after the birth of our second. After we told #1 son to “GET BACK TO BED!” I said, “What will we say we were doing?” Hubs in all his wisdom says, “Tell him I had to check your stitches down there”. My hubs the gyno. I think telling the #1 son I had to have stitches down there would be more scarring than the truth!

  4. CNL

    When I looked at the house I’m living in now, one of the things noticed right away (other than the pepto pink walls in the dining room ???) was a solid, well-installed, double deadbolt on the solid wood master bedroom door. One look at that and it was, “I’ll take it. Where do I sign?” though, it does make me wonder what the heck went on here before I bought the place…

  5. justme

    LOL peeing my pants laughing!
    My son knocked on the door once and asked if I was ok, he heard me moaning and wanted to make sure I was ok. He thought maybe I had a stomach ach lol. I try to be ever so quiet now lol.

  6. Lisa

    Just a few months ago, we made sure all six were sleeping, and went flying into our bedroom. We locked the door and were even so into it we were able to KISS and make noise, which is a HUGE thing here, because it’s like do it NOW or forget it. Anyway…all of a sudden, my husband stops kissing me and I open my eyes, and he’s looking at our 8 yr old – who is standing there looking at us. We’re like, “Uh…what do you want?” and she’s like, “I can’t sleep! And why is your bedroom door shut?”
    My husband was like, “Get BACK to bed!” and she scurried off. All night I worried she would ask, “Why were you and Daddy kissing? Why were you making noises like you were hurt?” Oh gosh. Well, she never did, thankfully…
    And that bedroom door? The house was built in 1860…the door and knob is probably from right around there and hell, why would it work 144 years later? Who knew? A new knob is still on our list of things to buy. 😉

  7. Lisa

    Yay for Parrot Bay hoobity!
    OMG, that had to have been the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! “Lovely Lady Lumps”? PRICELESS!!!

  8. Auntie M

    Cracking up – and it NEVER gets better. Our 16 year old always KNOWS somehow and wants to know WHY we locked the door and then proceeds to TELL US WHY. Kinda ruins the mood.

  9. Joelle

    dude i’m crying over here. CRYING. And for some reason, this little snippet just sent me totally into hysterics:
    perhaps something about “Wrestling”
    “perhaps”. What a lovely jaunty little word choice. lol. You kill me, dude.

  10. Tammy

    I haven’t peed my pants in a long time, so thanks! My kids haven’t caught me yet, but I totally interupted my IN-LAWS once. It scarred me for life. These are not people you want to picture naked.

  11. Hope

    TOO Funny! I love reading your posts – you write just like my sistah and I speak. Only me not so much, ’cause I’m the GOOD one [big wink here].
    Can’t type much now… I’m giggling too hard!

  12. B

    This entry ended up WAY FUNNIER than what I thought it was gonna be. Three cheers for Parrot Bay.
    Oh, and the part that did me in?
    Tony wanted to Do It. And I was like “Let’s!”

  13. stef

    In honor of your LUVVVVVVVVVVVVV, I bought me a bottle of Captain Morgan’s tonight–hope it brings me some o’that booty butt too!

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