Not “90”

Two weeks ago, I threw one of the Greatest Tantrums Ever.
I had been running every day. RUNNING, people. I hate to run. I despise to run. Always have. And I hate it more now then I have ever have in my life because I am 190 pounds and I’m pretty sure more than half of that 190 is boob and ass weight and boobs and ass HURT when you run. But I was like “Screw it, I’m going to run! Because I want to be thin and healthy again! And I want to push myself to do something I normally wouldn’t do! Yeehaw!”
When I first started, I could only run a short distance. But everyday, I’d push myself a little farther. I’d find “marks” and try to push myself past a new mark everyday. “Just go to that light post and then stop!” I’d tell myself, but when I’d get to that light post, I’d see a tree “You can make it to the tree, then you can stop!” Then I’d pass the tree and see a crack in the sidewalk “You can make it to that crack, then stop!” And everyday, I’d go a little farther. Eventually, I was able to run the entire trail and yes, I was so proud of myself.
But, guess what? The scale WOULD NOT MOVE. I’ve been battling the 190’s for MONTHS NOW. What in the hell is wrong with my body that it refuses to STOP WEIGHING 190 POUNDS?
So, it broke me and I quit! QUIT! But not without throwing The Tantrum.
And guess who got to witness The Tantrum? And try to talk me down from The Tantrum?
That’s right, the man I fart on during sex!
First, the tears, then, the screaming and carrying on “I’m so SICK OF THIS! I CAN’T GET OUT OF THE 190’S AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND! I run every fucking night, and I’m eating healthy and yet, my body doesn’t want to give it up, man. I can’t do it anymore. I hate running, DESPISE IT, but I’m doing it to try to lose weight and it’s not working, so WHY IN THE HELL AM I DOING IT? I mean, if I’m going to stay fat, even though I’m running every damn night, what’s the point? I’ll just sit at home and lay on the couch and weigh 190! THAT’S WHAT I’M GOING TO DO! Screw running! Screw my body! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!”
And, so, I stopped running. And guess what? I gained 4 pounds! And that pissed me off. REALLY BADLY. So, I took it out on those 4 pounds and went to the gym. And this morning, I decided to weight myself again to see “What’s up”. I braced myself for the worst. But guess what? The worst did not happen! THE BEST HAPPENED! Because…lOOK!

(and you will shut it about how FILTHY my scale is because, its’ just a scale and I have enough shit to clean around here so that’s the last thing I’m worried about, but damn, it really IS filthy, huh?)
ONE. EIGHTY. NINE (point 5, but still, NOT ONE NINETY!)
You have no idea how exciting this is for me. It’s been YEARS since I’ve seen the 80’s and I finally feel like the curse of the 90’s is broken and there is no looking back because I will never, EVER be that weight again (ha! ha! watch, next week I’ll be crying about how I’m 190 again because I ate so much Boo-fay at Vegas!).
But for now, I will celebrate! Good bye 190’s! You were an asshole and I have always hated you and I will not miss you at all, you stubborn bitch!

31 thoughts on “Not “90”

  1. chrissylas

    Awesome! Good job. When are you going to Vegas? I’m heading there in 2 weeks so any info you post on your vegas trip would be awesome 😀 (i.e. cheap food. Important stuff etc)

  2. Itchy

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! I’m sitting here smiling like a fool for you…I’d hug you if you were right here and we’d jump up and down and squeal in delight. I’m that happy for you.

  3. Sarcastic Journalist

    One word: MUSCLE.
    You may not see it. You may not believe me. But? Muscle weighs more than fat. Go by how you feel. Go by how your clothes feel.
    I’m very happy for you because you do need to see numbers to help visualize, but running the whole trail???
    Give yourself more credit. That’s awesome.

  4. clickmom

    I am on the same journey as u=you are and this is how I handle the scale issue- I weigh myself once a month! For the entire time I have been trying to lose weight (since last March) I noticed that I had a pattern. No weight loss at all until the period was over and then it could be 3 or 4 pounds just like that. So instead of tormenting myself daily or weekly, I don’t even look (OK, maybe I’ll look one other time but I don’t expect progress) until the bleeding is over.
    Also- I am having a champaigne celebration for each prepregnancy weight I reach. My first is in a mere 12 more pounds, and then 2 more in 10 pound increments.

  5. Heatherg

    I couldnt tell if your scale was dirty or clean.
    Either way- it doesnt say 190 anymore so who cares!! Congrats girlie!!
    I hate to run too.
    Ew… dont even want to think about running.

  6. Ms. Q

    Yay on you!! Keep on going for it. Every small milestone is still a milestone!
    And, I was also going to mention muscle thing. I’ve been walking more and taking the stairs (up five flights) and I have gained about 10 pounds recently. But I look exactly the same as before. And my clothes still fit (10 pounds is a lot for me. Cuz I’m petite). The thing is my butt looks good (not all jiggly like before – saddlebags are gone). Muscle is more compact than fat so you may not have been losing “weight” but you very well could have been losing “fat”. You know?
    Anyway! Yay! That must feel really great!

  7. Amy

    Congratulations, Y!
    Also, I wonder: did you get your thyroid checked? Pregnancy and nursing can fuck with it, and it makes losing weight almost impossible. It’s a simple blood test, and worth taking.

  8. NinaKaye

    That’s great!! I haven’t even seen the hundred anything in like 4 years!! I’d be thrilled to see a 199 even. And run? The fact that you can even run a little ways is wonderful. I couldn’t even run when I was young and not obese…but I can do that power walk thing. heh

  9. Jenna

    I joinced a gym in late October. At the time they measured my weight at 196 (Im 5’3″). Im supposed to go 3 times/week but was only getting there about once a week. Monday was my one month weigh in and my weight was 198 BUT all of my other measurements (bust, waist, hips, etc) either stayed the same, or lost bits of an inch AND my body mass index was down! Therefore the 2lbs that I gained was muscle. I think its awesome that you’ve even attempted to do this on your own. I dont have kids, and Im too lazy to get off my ass to even walk my dogs let alone go running. It can be frusterating to see the number on the scale not move, but you’re probably just gaining muscle (I know its been mentioned before). Inches count more than pounds! We dont even have a scale in our house anymore, its too depressing. I do have complete faith that you’ll get your weight down if you keep at it, though. Good work!

  10. Randi

    muscle not only weighs more than fat but the more muscle you get the fast it burns the fat. see? it’s not about the scale, sister, it’s about how the pants fit.

  11. DeeGee

    CONGRATULATIONS! Progress feels goooooood, for sure.
    By the way, I found this, and I HAD to let you know about it, cause you love that God Warrior Freak from Trading Spouses (just like I do)… Enjoy! You might have to wait a little bit for the sound to load, but when you do, it’s pretty damn funny.

  12. Hed

    SJ is definitely right. Running is a pain in the ass, but It builds muscle like you wouldn’t believe. That’s the only reason I do it. I don’t often see great results on the scale, but I notice the difference in the inches, and also muscle tone.
    Do what works for you. If you like the gym, do the gym. The more you enjoy what you are doing, the more you will do it! =-) And congratulations on breaking through the plateau! Those are a real pain in the ass, but they are also necessary, because when you lose the weight too fast, it’s not good for your heart, and it’s harder to keep off. It’s like your body wants to go back to the original weight, so it will try to do that. All on its own.
    But the good news is, if you keep it off for five years, the chances of you keeping it off for the rest of your life increase like crazy.
    Good luck in fighting the good fight! You’re doing it!

  13. Laura

    Yay! Congratulations for seeing that 8 there, Yvonne! (And, if you happen to see a “9” there for a couple of days due to that time of the month, please don’t freak out!)

  14. stephanie

    You totally weigh less than 189.5… you were holding a camera! That’s gotta at least take off that .5!
    And even thought the scale took some time to budge, it’s probably b/c you’re at that stage where you are trading muscle for fat and muscle weighs more. But once you get to a certain point, that muscle burns calories and melts fat away while you do NOTHING and then the pounds will drop even faster, so keep at it!!

  15. Kay

    WTG girly! I just got myself in the 180 club is quite the feeling every time you do go down to the next level..let’s here it for 7!!
    I am in awe of anyone that can run, honestly, cannot do it.
    PS psst….alll our scales look like that..;)

  16. kim

    YES! AWESOME! i’m so happy for you. way to go. you’re the greatest (we’ll that’s of course m. ali, but you’re great, too) 🙂

  17. ktpupp

    Woo hoo!!!! Congrats! I was also stuck in the 190’s for a long time, but I have finally broken it and am now stuck in the 180’s! But hey, it’s better than the 190’s! I’m happy with slow and steady weight loss rather than fast, because I’ve always gained back (and more) when I lose quickly.
    Keep on rockin’ and you and I will both be in the 170’s soon!

  18. Mary

    Hey Slow and steady wins the race.
    If it comes off too fast it won’t stay off!
    And muscle does weigh more.
    Toss the scale and measure instead

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