A happy heart.

Saturday night was a “Girls Night In” at a friends house. A Passion Party followed by a game of poker.
The Passion Party was hilarious. Perhaps I should have taken it a little more seriously, but, there are products with the word “Nubby” in them, so, I think you can understand why it’s One Big Vagina joke to me. Don’t get me wrong, I think the products are great and the parties are awesome and everyone should have a party, but, still… NUBBY!
This time, I was tempted buy a dildo for my the dash of my van, and one to use as a “whip” to threaten my children with.
“Clean your room right now or I will whack you upside of the head with this here purple rubber penis!”
As you can see, I do not take dildos very seriously either. I’m sorry, I just can’t. Especially the one that has A FACE AND A BEAR ON IT. I know there are people who are really into those things, but, um, I’m NOT one of those people.
I do, however, take my Ben Wah Balls very seriously.
Ok. I’m lying. I absolutely do not take them seriously. Infact, I almost spit out my drink when she brought those shiny little balls out.
I was like “Ha! HA! HA! I’m sorry, ben wah balls KILL ME.”
However, as funny as SHINY METAL BALLS are, they do serve a purpose. They are used for a very important “test”. A test of tightness. No! Seriously! If you can “hold them in” for any lenght of time, then “your man is surely a happy man.”
Excuse me for one minute.
After the Passion Party, it was time for a game of poker.
I had never played poker before and to be honest, had no interest in learning how to play. I picked up my purse and was ready call it a night. But, the wimmins had other plans.
“We’ve already set a place for you. You’re so much fun, you HAVE to stay and play.”
That’s right. People think I’m fun! And they want me to stay and play poker with them!
(That gets the “Award for Blogger Who Brags About How Much Fun People Think She Is and How It Makes You So Sick You Want To Puke.”)
I was given a 2 minute crash course in poker and to the Very Awesome Poker Table we went.
I caught on pretty quickly, although, I was very annoying with all of “my questions.” How is one supposed to learn if one does not ask questions?
A few hours later, I found myself one of the last 2 players and the player with the most chips, but, in the end, I lost to someone who has played many, many times, BUT! I still won $20 for second place and had people doubting my “I have never played poker nor do I know how to play poker” story.
Don’t hate me because I’m a fast learner.
I had such an incredible time. It was the first time in a very LONG time that I didn’t have a million hangups or “issues” before going to a social event. Usually, I spend a great deal of time worrying about how fat I am, or who will be there, or if people will think I’m annoying, or if people will annoy me and so on and so forth… but Saturday night, I made a decision early in the day that I wasn’t going to think negative thoughts, or worry about stupid things like “being the only fat girl there”. I made a choice to HAVE FUN regardless of the size of my ass (which, by the way, is significantly smaller these days).
I told my husband how great it felt to let go of all of the negativity that usually keeps me from having a truly good time at most social events. He smiled and said “I’m so happy for you, baby, you are a fun person, people enjoy being around you and you should accept that and ALWAYS have fun like you did last night.”
It’s not easy for me to accept compliments, but I believed my husband when he said that, because I want to believe it.
I’m sorry, but how is it possible that a post in which I used the word “Nubby” took a serious turn? How did I allow that to happen.
That never should have happened. The serious ENDS HERE!
Howza’bout we get a little “random” instead…
Who is the GENIUS who thought “Hey! I know! Let’s make a stuffed animal WITH DETACHABLE BODY PARTS because the babies will love ripping off monkey heads and it will be a JOY for the mother’s to have to repeatedly put them back on throughout the day to stop the babies from crying because THE HEAD FELL OFF AGAIN.”? Do you know who that guy is? Because if you do, tell him I’m looking for him, I’d like to “show him” how grateful I am.
Ethan team lost another basketball game on Saturday. The brings their record to 1-6. Andrew also lost another game on Saturday, which brings his teams record to 0-7. The good news is that this is the first weekend I did not get into a fight with the refs nor did I get into a fight with the scorekeepers, so, really, everyone was a winner.
But THE REAL WINNER here will be my husband, in about 2 weeks, when a confidential black bag will arrive that will contain a very special passionate gift that I refuse to tell you about, other than to say that it is “rubber” and it is in the shape of a heart.

25 thoughts on “A happy heart.

  1. Tammy

    My favourites are the ones with the swirly pearls inside. Like I really care about the pretty beads. Or! The ones with cute animals on them, with strategically placed ears. Seriously, who wants to get off on bunny ears?!

  2. Mamacita

    You know, any party with YOU there would be awesome. You really are one of the coolest people I ever knew. You have a real gift of making people happy.

  3. lynne

    Mine’s pink and sparkly but apart from that traditonal in design. My hubs bought me my first one wayyyy back as a birthday present, but that broke the next day so he had to take it back to the shop. Interesting to note that neither he nor the clerk mentioned in name the item that needed to be refunded nor caught each other eyes duing the whole transaction 😉

  4. Contrary

    Ahhh! I actually hosted of those parties, and I can beat your dildos with one hand tied behind my back. (Is it me or did that sound dirty?)
    I saw a product that was like a dildo, except it was meant to be strapped to someone’s chin so as to enhance a certain act which shall go nameless since this isn’t my blog and there might be boys reading.
    Seeing the product was funny enough, but when the rep strapped it to her head so that she looked like Jay Leno,only more so, truly one of the funniest things I have ever seen in person.

  5. chris

    OMG, the comment from Contrary made me laugh out loud. The visual. My eyes are burning… Jay Leno.
    I have never been to one of these parties, but now I feel like I might be missing out, just from the laughter potential.

  6. Michelle

    The Happy Heart! LOVE the happy heart! Anyone out there in Blog Land live in NJ? I am your Passion COnsultant and Y you SHOULD do it too, you would be great!

  7. danelle

    Are you talking about MY kitchen, bia?
    And btw I have all the toys my va-J-J can handle at the moment thank you very much. Can’t wait till you get yours.

  8. clickmom

    Two new mothers going to a NYC sex shop with their babies in slings to buy Ben Wa balls, and asking the young male clerk questions is one of the funniest things I have ever done. Oh, the memories…..

  9. Itchy

    So…now you’ve been to like TWO passion parties this year and I’ve been to NONE. I want to giggle inappropriately at a mature adults party…It would be great fun!

  10. mmc

    OMG. I almost peed myself.
    “Clean your room or I’ll whack you upside the head with this here purple rubber penis!”
    I think you are a ton of fun…and I’ve never met you…and I didn’t have the password either…

  11. SharonO

    Tammy, don’t knock the strategically placed ears until you try them. Trust. Me.
    This was a very good Valentines day. Dildos all around!!

  12. Harley

    Hi, Mamarosa, Y, Happy Heart and Joy Unexpected,
    I read your article, found it playful and funny, saw photos of your beautiful family, and just had to write to you: But I don’t want to be forward, so before I do I want to ask your permission: Is it okay if I write to you and ask you some personal questions about you, your article and what you wrote? Nothing bad, I promise.
    I know you have a tag that says “E mail me,” but I only want a dialogue if you’re comfortable having one too.
    I’m a 36-year old male with lots of questions.
    Thanks, Mamarosa, and have good day,
    E-mail: harleyone@optonline.net

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