Titty Cheese.

Last night as I was nursing G-unit before bed, my husband asked me how long I was going to continue to nurse her.
“Why? Does it bother you that I’m still breastfeeding?” I asked him.
He said it doesn’t “bother” him, but he thinks I should stop at two years old. Obviously, it does bother him, or he wouldn’t have brought it up.
I’ve felt as though it was time to stop for awhile now. (Well, ever since she started getting all demanding about it.) I just haven’t had “The Heart” to stop. I know she’ll be devastated, but I also know that I can’t do it forever and that the longer I continue to do it, the harder it will be to wean her.
This morning, I made the decision to stop her morning “BOB” sessions. I was worried that All Hell Would Break Loose when I layed her in her crib without having given her The Bobs.
As I was getting ready to lay her down, she looked at me and said “BOBOHS? BOBS? BOBS!” I said “No BOBS, it’s time to go night night, ok?” She shook her head and shouted “NO! NO!” I felt like crying, I felt like I was being cruel. But, I stood my ground. “No BOBS, baby girl. It’s time to go to sleep.”
I hugged her, kissed her, layed her down and braced myself for the screaming that would surely take place as I walked out of the room.
To my GREAT SURPRISE, there was no screaming, nor was there any crying. Instead, she giggled and said “Bye Mom.”
Within 5 minutes, she was out cold.
Operation Phase Out The Bobs is in full effect.
I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I know that it has to end sometime and it feels like that time is now. On the other hand, knowing she’s my last baby, that the beautiful experience of holding my daughter while she drinks (Cheesy Version) the milk of my breasts (Non-Cheesy Version) my awesomely nutritious Tittymilk will no longer be a part of my life, knowing that this part of my life as a mother is coming to an end is hard to accept. It’s painful in ways that I never imagined.
I know some women who are THRILLED to be done with breastfeeding. They’re like “I’m SO over this! I want my boobs back!”
Wait! I WAS one of those women when I was nursing my boys. Why is it so different this time around?
Why do I have to be The One Who Cries and Feels Guilty for quitting? THE GIRL IS ALMOST TWO! She has molars! And! She asks for them by name! And pulls up my shirt to check up on them. And then, kisses them and says “niiiiice boobies.”
It’s SO time to stop.
I just wish it wasn’t so damn hard for me. (Because, obviously, I’m the one with the problem here, since my daughter is snoring away, totally not upset at ALL about not having partaken of The Bobs. Which, I suppose I should be happy about! But, instead, I sit here slightly traumatized that SHE HAS CLEARLY MOVED ON.)
(I don’t blame her, she’s growing up and has more important things to do with her time, things like, you know, “Go Wee”.)

29 thoughts on “Titty Cheese.

  1. Michelle

    Did you nurse your boys this long? I nursed my first child until he was one and my second self weaned herself around 10 months. Both times, I was glad to have my body back. With my third- and last- I nursed until he was 2 1/2 and it broke my heart to wean him. In fact, I STILL miss it and he will be 3 next week. My first two kids liked breastfeeding but they were “busy” kids and were often clammering to get down and play and explore. My third child was content to lay next to me or be held in my lap for up to an hour and nurse. This will sound cheesy- but I think it was more of an emotional experience for him as well as a nutritional need. It was hard for him to let go and therefore I think it made it hard for me to let go. I really think it all depends on the child when it comes to how easy it is to stop nursing. Joe “needed” it more than my other two kids.
    All that said, it took less than a week for him to get over it and move on. lol I, on the other hand, really miss those cuddly times where he would snuggle up next to me in bed and nurse. My heart is having a hard time coming to terms that he is my last baby. I think that had a lot to do with it as well.

  2. hed

    You know? I know what you mean. It was hard for me to wean my daughter, and I knew I was going to have another one. But, knowing that this is my last pregnancy, everything is just going by too fast! I can’t believe I’m already just about to my third trimester. Where does the time go? Why does it always go by faster when you know it’s the last time? It’s crazy weird. I thought I would LOVE having kids out of diapers, and out of my shirt. But now that this one is almost out of me, well, I want time to slow down just a little.

  3. lindsay

    my son (who is now one) self weaned at 9.5 months, and never looked back. me, i cried for two weeks. but the bobs are now all back to being mine. but making formula is irritating! at least gabby can go straight to whole milk. good luck!

  4. Me

    Awww. There’s a solution you know. Keep having more babies. Offer to wetnurse an abandoned infant. Adopt a failing to thrive baby.
    Or, cry. Which is what I think I’d do.
    On a different note, Gabs looks really great in lavender. She should wear it more often.
    And ya know, for someone who talks like they stay in the ghetto, (and who has a porta potty in the front yard, albeit a baby one), your kids dress awfully cute. Must be some smart shopping!

  5. Y

    I am an Awesome Shopper. Every single item of clothing on my kids was purchased on clearance and probably with “an extra %25 off” coupon.
    Also, my sister has given me a LOT of clothes that she has used with my niece. That dress is one of them.

  6. Tammy

    The title of this post really…disturbed me. I’m sure after I get over it, I’ll have some wise thoughts (HA!). The picture at the bottom makes me want to kiss her little feet. So sweet, that girl!

  7. Y

    NBB- She only bit me once, so, the teeth aren’t even an issue (but I won’t lie and say that I’m not scared to death a little inside everytime she latches on)

  8. Sarcastic Journalist

    If I ever hear “drink the milk out of my breasts” again, we may have to end our friendship. Please keep to referring to it as “tittymilk.”

  9. Y

    SJ… I said those same words to my friend who told me that “She couldn’t get MOIST down there after having a hysterectomy”. I was like I HAVE TO RETHINK THIS FRIENDSHIP AND DON’T EVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN.
    And about the firefox…WHAT? That’s weird. I downloaded it and my flickr is fine.
    But hey! You can see my pretty blog now and really, isn’t that all that matters?

  10. judy

    I breastfed my son til 2 1/2 and my daughter til almost 2. She actually quit on her own where I practically had to beg my son to stop.
    I say do what’s best for you and your little girl!
    But I’m very happy I breastfed and have no regrets!

  11. Heather B.

    Funny I should read this today as I was just informed that I gave up breastfeeding exactly 20 years ago today.
    Whatever happens with the Bobs, just be sure not to entertain family with stories of G Unit (I f*cking love that) breastfeeding when she’s 22. I speak from personal experience on that one and it’s really embarrassing.

  12. lastewie

    You know what I’ve heard is really good for moms when they are having hard time with weaning?
    Ready for it?
    Beeflog. 100% serious.

  13. Jamie

    This parenting thig is hard no matter what..(as you know..) Sometimes I am glad I had my first kiddo at 21yo I’ll still be “young” when the last one is 18yo..but.. but I was so young (looking back) and missed so much (like nursing him for longer than a few months) Anyways….when your baby girl is done with the Bobs..you could have a family “weaning party” You BOTH could enjoy the right of passage with chocolate 😉 Seriously though.. my kids got a weaning present but I had friends that had the full on cake /present thing, commemorating the occasion. YOu are moving on to the next level as much as G-Unit is ..

  14. Tammy

    Y, totally off topic here, but I was just watching Wiggles (arghhhh! Kill me now!) and guess what they were doing? The MONKEY!!! But they don’t have the little ass thing going at the end, so you are way better than them.

  15. Kristin

    It seems like everything in Motherhood is so conflicting.
    Nothing is clear cut or free of emotion.
    I love the sentence awesomely nutricious titty milk.

  16. Joy

    I stumbled across your blog yesterday — I love your candidness! And yes, I, too, totally missed breastfeeding (I breast fed my 2nd daughter until she was 2 1/2 yrs old!!!). I think I cried, thinking that my baby didn’t need me anymore!

  17. demondoll

    G-Girl is one beautiful baby.
    Here’s one for breastfeeding- it supposedly helps your body combat breast cancer? The longer you nurse, the better your immune system…
    We nursed until almost 2. It’s one of the most wonderful bonding experiences you can have with your little one. I got some flack for it, even from moms in my breastfeeding support group, but you gotta do what feels right for you and Gabby.

  18. Becca

    Randomly found you from Amalah.com and have been trolling your archives for the better part of the night. You are fucking hilarious. Seriously. You needs to write a book, and then come drink margaritas with me. 🙂

  19. Tonya

    Good luck. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me. I am only 6 weeks into this breastfeeding thing, and already I am like, “OK, only 10 1/2 months left.” I wish I felt the BOND that everyone is talking about, but I just feel like I am feeding her – and doing it because it is the most economically and nutritionally advantageous way, not to mention no bottle washing. (Plus, having grown up on a farm, I think formula smells like ‘calf start’ and no way am I feeding my baby something that looks and smells exactly like the stuff you feed little abandoned calves!)

  20. Malia

    Awww, I am sorry it is so hard on you. My daughter, only girl, last child, is also 2 and I find I am holding onto everything with her also. I have just now started potty training her.

  21. Kristin

    well, although i clearly fall into the happy-to-have-my-boobs-back camp, but i do understand the power of the “LAST BABY”… that’s why i have a third. on the day my son started kindergarten i called my husband and informed him that i was so not done with this part of my life and hello, we’re going to an adoption informational.
    are you sure you’re done? you sound like you might need a 4th…

  22. Jennifer

    I LOVE your new blog look – woo hoo! I have only breastfed my son for six months and I’m contemplating switching him to formula. I am so torn. On one side I am absolutely devastated that my breastfeeding days will truely be over (he is my last child, very final) and I’ll never use the boobs in a functional way again (well, that could be debated). On the other hand, the summer weather is creeping in and I want to have my body back, be as dehydrated as heck and not worry about milk supply issues while running. Anyways, I can kind of touch on the emotional aspect of d/c-ing BF.

  23. mrs darling

    After 2 girls I finally had a son who is now 5. I nursed that boy for 30 months! I dont regret a minute of it. I’m convinced though that he’d still be nursing if I wouldnt have weaned him. LOL

  24. robin

    1. you have to do what is right for you and your child.
    2. do you know that WHO actually recommends breastfeeding until age 3?
    i am still breastfeeding my 25-month-old and plan to keep doing it until approximately age 3. we did go through a semi-weaning a few months back and he now nurses much less often (mostly at bedtime and naptime).
    i’m sorry you didn’t apply for clubmom! is it too late now?

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