“Do you know what a blog is?”

My daughter flat out refused to take a nap this morning.
She was all “Nap? Oh hells naw. I want to watch Barney and I WILL SCREAM UNTIL YOU LET ME WATCH IT!”
It’s as if she knew that I have a really great story to tell and she DIDN’T WANT ME TO TELL IT. (Yes, sometimes I think my daughter is out to get me and that she is trying to keep me from enjoying the simple things in life, like telling The Internet that I told famous people about my gas problem and the fact that I fart when I’m nervous. Oh YES I DID.)
Nap time is the time of the day in which I can take a shower (and also a dump, but not that the same time!) in peace. It is the only time in the day in which I can write, it is the only time of the day in which I can do pretty much anything that I want to do because I don’t have to worry about her climbing on furniture, or getting her daddy’s razor and attemtping to shave her face, or coloring on my walls, or taking all of the wicks out of my candles and so on and so forth.
She finally fell asleep about 10 minutes ago, but not without a fight. (and an assload of bribes. “I will buy you a Barney doll if you close your eyes RIGHT NOW and stop moving.” She’s too young to understand the “I will sell your toys on Ebay if you don’t listen!” threats, but she totally understands bribes. Whatever works, people. That is my parenting philosophy.) One would think that means I can finally write about my absolutely fabulous experience yesterday, right?
Because it is now 1:15, I must take a shower and get ready to pick the boys up from school.
But, because I love you, I’ll leave you with a little “taste” of what it was like until I can write about it later tonight.
[a little taste]
Me: Oh my God. I’m so nervous. I am so nervous. I don’t know what to ask. I’m so nervous.
Her: Don’t be nervous. You’ll be fine. It’s not a big deal, it’s going to be fun.
Me: “Oh my God. Hold my hand. I’m so nervous. I can’t do this. I know, I’m so annoying. I know you want to slap me. Oh my God, you can slap me. Seriously. Or tell me to shutup, because I’m annoying. And nervous. Did I mention I was nervous?”
But, it gets better! I swear! Because she took me up on my offer and slapped the shit out of me** and man, that knocked the nervousness right out of my system.
Until the cast came out and I saw their PERFECT TEETH.
Then I was nervous again.
[/a little taste]
**quite possibly a lie

22 thoughts on ““Do you know what a blog is?”

  1. L.A. Daddy

    Yeah, and I was sitting next to her when she announced to the cast that she farts when she’s nervous! Oy!
    Great to meet you yesterday!
    And my little one doesn’t always want to nap these days either. I don’t try to make her sleep – I just tell her that she has to have “quiet time” for a while. Once the pressure is gone to sleep, she usually is out like a light a little while later anyway…

  2. Jan

    I can’t stand it!! I normally just check your blog early in the evening but now I will have to interrupt my evening of fabulous old-tv-series DVD viewing to check up on your status. Keep us updated!! I love your blog. It makes me laugh every day.

  3. KTP

    And to think it’s all on video for you to share with the masses later on…
    You are hilarious in person just as you are here. I loved meeting you!

  4. Y

    L.Adaddy! I know, I’m sorry. Luckily, I was able to hold it in.
    You’re welcome.
    And KTP, I loved meeting YOU. Thank you for making me feel so comfortable.

  5. Y

    Yes! That was actually the first thing that I noticed. They were so pearly white! And straight! And not full of silver filings like mine!

  6. D

    Sounds like… like I can’t wait to hear the rest. Try Benadryl for the nap… shhh, don’t tell anyone I’m encouraging you to drug your child into sleeping tho…

  7. Mel (Mama! Mama!)

    I have just found your blog (yes, I live under a rock). I have been reading back through older posts and cracking up. You are the first person I have ever seen actually use the word chonis in a blog. 🙂
    I have to check back to hear the rest of this story!

  8. p

    I’ve been waiting since… like… TUESDAY! I don’t care if you have things to do, like “take care of your kids” and “supervise a mischievous two-year old” and “breathing” and “sleeping.” I want to know how it went!
    I’ll be here, on the edge of my seat…

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