Proving that it is possible for me to write about something other than food. (And/or food scented body odors)

The boys are off for Spring break, which means my daily schedule has been completely thrown off, which means naptimes and “computer times” have been moved around or forsaken completely.
There are have been a few times where I wanted to sit down and write about something that The People (that was for YOU, Danny.) just HAD to know, but then the boys would ask me to please do the laundry so that they would have clean socks to wear to play basketball in.
God. They’re so demanding.
Actually, this has been a very enjoyable, stress free spring break. Now that they’re older and a little more mature, they don’t fight as much, they aren’t eternally bored and bonus! They like to go spend all of their time at their friend’s house!
There was a time where, as much as I loved having them home all day to do things like go to Chuck E Cheeses or Discovery Zone, I would feel like ripping my hair out by the second day of vacation because they would fight every second of every day and cry that they were “bored” and had “nothing to do.”
It would seem that those days are long gone and as much as I miss them being little, it’s kind of nice being able to enjoy their company without having to listen to “Moooom, I’m so boooooooored.”
Speaking of bored…
Last night I decided to go to the gym early to get ma’ free weights and ma’ crunches on before Aerobic Dance class.
The area designated for “ab work” was being hogged up by two little teenagers who were doing more talking (and texting) then they were actual ab work. I thought I’d go ahead and do all of my leg weights since it looked like they were going to be there a while.
When I was finished, those little hos were STILL laying there, gossiping, giggling and sending text messages on their totally awesome cellular devices.
I wanted to walk up to them and say “So, hi. I really need to do some ab work and you’re taking up all of the room and I noticed you’re not actually doing sit ups, but socializing and while I realize you have all of the time in the world because you’re young with perky tits, I don’t. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m old. And also fat and as I’m talking to you I could be developing diabetes, or have a stroke, or go blind so if you don’t mind, I’d really appreciate it if you got your tight little asses up off of this floor and take your conversation elsewhere because I’ve got 50 pounds to lose and it aint going to happen if I can’t do some mother fucking crunches.
But, being the kind and loving soul that I am, I just walked by and gave them dirty looks whilst letting out one of those “OH MY GOD, YOU’RE SO ANNOYING” sighs and headed for Aerobic Dance class.
AD class was better than it’s been the past few weeks. She lightened up on the “grapevines” and added some actual dance moves like “the mambo” and the “one where you run forward for three steps and then do this really awesome kick jump” (and not to brag, but I totally nailed it.) However, it still wasn’t the same Aerobic Dance that I fell in love with back in 2005. Gone are the days of “The Monkey” and “The Dirty Dance.” It’s all “Grapevines” and “V-steps” and I’m sorry, that’s so 1985.
I hate to say it, but I do believe that my love for Aerobic Dance has begun to wither and I think I may be done with it.
All good things must come to an end, I suppose. But damn, it was fun while lasted.
Maybe I’ll take up pole dancing. I’m just not quite ready to stop “spending my husband’s hard earned money on ridiculous things like dance lessons.”

17 thoughts on “Proving that it is possible for me to write about something other than food. (And/or food scented body odors)

  1. girlplease

    have you ever tried going somewhere else? this place seems to have gone to shit.
    and i would have so said what you were thinking to those girls.
    ok i wouldn’t. because if i did, i would have also said “shut the FUCK up” to the 2 women on the train who constantly wake me up in the morning. all they fucking do is talk about the most useless shit. everyone is sleeping on the train but these two mambos are talking.

  2. Danny

    What? Can’t hear you, Vonnie. Wanna know why? Because you’re DEAD to me! You said “people” just to spite me, and for that you can stick your fish tacos up your butt.

  3. xtx

    last night i dreamed that i met you. i played with your kids in your huge backyards that had tons of boulders in it (wtf?)
    funny about the teenagers. I think cell phones are the devil.

  4. Brandi

    How can it be, that the greatest aerobic dancer of all time may have danced her last dance of dirty?No more “My neck, my back?” Say it isn’t so.
    Love your new tagline, btw.

  5. Y

    Sadly, I really do think I’m done with aerobic dance. It used to be fun and man, it helped me lose a lot of weight, but it’s so boring now.
    I think I’m going to try a few classes at 24hour fitness, I hear they have some good dance classes, like salsa and hip hop.
    Just not sure I’m ready to do pelvic thrusts in front of The Men. (The gym I take classes at now is wimmins only.)

  6. Kimberly

    Girl, you need to find you a Zumba class! Heck, my Y has ’em! You can find an instructor at and it’s LOTSA fun. And the grapevines have flava. 😉
    Anyway, enjoy break with the boys!!

  7. Les~

    I started doing Turbo Jam in February and I’ve had amazing results doing it. Chalene Johnson the founder of Turbo Jam, has about 7 DVD’s out with different levels of intensity. I’m doing about 5 of the 7 and I’ve lost 12 inches in just 2 months. Since you live in Cali, you could probably find a Turbo Jam class locally, since she’s from the O.C.! Just thought I’d give you the info, in case you hadn’t already heard of it.

  8. Danielle

    I don’t know if I can deal with this idea. I have only known you as the world most fantastic ADer. This is shocking. OK, not really because it seems like you really haven’t been enjoying it, but still.
    That Zumba stuff looks cool but they didn’t have any fat, white girls with red hair. I don’t know if I’m allowed to do it?

  9. tiffany

    please, please, PLEASE WOMAN…
    for the love of god, take a pole dancing class.
    i must hear the stories that would come out of that one.

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