When did we turn into that gross “Older Couple” that your parents know but never invite over anymore because that ONE time I plucked his ear hair out with my nails at their dinner table.

You know you’ve been married for too long when you sneeze and immediately proclaim that “I just pissed my pants!” and your husband reaches into your underwear drawer without even blinking an eye and hands you a clean pair of underwear.
But then again, I don’t blink an eye when he bursts through front door after a hard day at work and declares that he will be in the bathroom for a while because “I NEED TO GO CLEAR THE POOP SHOOT CHUTE!”
And to think we still very much love to “Do It” with each other.

39 thoughts on “When did we turn into that gross “Older Couple” that your parents know but never invite over anymore because that ONE time I plucked his ear hair out with my nails at their dinner table.

  1. Maria

    Too funny and strangely rather sweet.
    My DH will purposely come into the room I’m in to fart. 🙂

  2. ElizabethSheryl

    Pssh. I’ve only been married for a year and a half, and my husband goes poop a) with the door open b) using the phrase “I gotta use the bathroom, I got a turd on deck” :p It’s not about the length of time, just the comfort. He also..and I will NEVER accept this..will clean out his ear and then put the bobby pin he uses in his mouth and eats the earwax. *shudder* I pop his pimples on his back for him so I guess I’m not better. haha.

  3. FlippyO

    ElizabethSheryl – get the man some Q-Tips, and make sure he never uses a bobby pin again. Ack. Hmm, and I guess we now know who’s willing to do the taste testing for Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. There’s nothing wrong with loving a good ear cleaning, but…
    Until I was prescribed pain meds, I’d never had such detailed discussions about poop & constipation. Now, we have to compare what works and what doesn’t. Works – Colace (but it’s expensive and can sometimes make you feel nauseous), Black Licorice Laces from OldTimeCandy.com (three laces a day does the trick AND tastes good…and is cheap), Benefiber (works, is pricey, and has no taste), Stash Tea Licorice Tea (don’t know if it works because I thought it tasted horrible and I refuse to drink it again). Glad we could help. 😉 It’s funny, I could have a detailed constipation and poop discussion with my gf, but after 10 years together, I will not fart in front of her…and I won’t even pee with the door open, much less anything else.

  4. girlplease

    So…if you say these things at 5 years it’s too long?
    Love is….
    laying in bed w/ your man and dog and having the man fart so loud, the dog runs.

  5. CoffeeMama

    I laughed so hard at this post that I did indeed pee. Three big-headed babies birthed vaginally will do that to you! Thanks for the great post.

  6. anne nahm

    When people ask, “is the magic still there?” this is probably the exact type thing they mean. And in your case? The answer is clearly “yeah, baby!”

  7. a happier girl

    My husband does the same thing. And he prefers to go when he’s at home. If we’re out he’ll wait until we get home rather than using a public bathroom. He’s even been known to tell me we need to go home in between errands just so he can use the bathroom at home.

  8. Brandi

    Like, when your husband has a boil on his ass and you immediately grab the medication to put it on for him. Again.

  9. Brandi

    FlippyO – I’m with you on the pain meds thing. I am recovering from spinal fusion surgery and have sent my husband out to get everything from Colace, Senokot-S, and those lovely oil retentive enemas. I know, it’s romantic, right?

  10. Fold My Laundry Please

    My husband sits in the bathroom for a while after he comes home from work and he always wants me in there with him so he can tell me about his day. Why he can’t wait until he’s done to tell me all the office gossip or about the exciting world of data entry, I don’t know. I, of course, don’t do anything gross. I’m all roses and sweetness!

  11. ben

    Ha! You used “poop chute” and “do it” in the same entry, prepare for Google to beat a path to your door (so to speak)
    My wife will sometimes leave the HOUSE when I poop. What’s amazing is the dog always wants to sit by me – and I thought she was supposed to have the enhanced sense of smell. Go figure.

  12. Heather

    My husband of 10 years likes to say “I’ll be back in a while, I have to take the kids to the pool”. It is funny until my 4 year old is dressed in swim suit waiting for Dad to come out and take him swimming! When did we become that “couple” and still feel like we are young and cool?

  13. Y

    THANK YOU for pointing out that I used the wrong “Shoot”. I can’t stop laughing.
    I fixed it.
    Also, I blame the fact that I wrote it at midnight.
    Not that I am a jackass.

  14. trailin'

    Heh. Tomorrow will be exactly 9 months since my husband and I got married. And he does things like that already. Goes to the bathroom with the door hanging wide open. Purposely tries to gross me out. It’s just a habit of his. heh. Don’t have to be married long for the gross things to start =] I somehow look forward to them though. He wouldn’t be my husband without those little erm…traits.

  15. BOSSY

    Poor Bossy’s husband has to listen to Bossy’s daily announcement of a deed well done: her “Delightful Morning Poo.” Unless she skips her Delightful Morning Poo and then Bossy’s husband has to listen to Bossy’s recap of her Poo-less Day.

  16. Matthew M. F. Miller

    As a man, I can say that’s the level of intimacy that is best – when your wife can fart during sex and you barely miss a beat.
    As the great Tori Amos sings, “The sexiest thing is trust,” and it sounds like you and your hubby have that down.

  17. Annie

    Awww. you two!
    We have friends who travel around all summer in a travel camper.. the tiny bathroom unit is RIGHT next to the bed in the back. You can literally roll out of bed and onto the toilet seat. Now, that so wouldn’t work for me, I need my privacy! But what REALLY skeeves me out.. there is not even a CURTAIN, let alone a door- on the ‘bathroom’! It’s wide open!! NOOOOOOO! That is sharing FAR more with another than I would EVER want to.
    Oh the horrors…

  18. Helen

    a bit scary that we are both in the homeless situation and today, I wrote PISS on my blog too, I actually said the word to my mum, my MOTHER….this very day. We are twins, sort of , I have to boast though that depsite birthing 6 kids I still don’t pee myself, I am a walking miracle, I tell anyone and everyone that little ditty about myself, we all need to have something to brag about don’t we?

  19. KTP

    I hope you are going to the LA Blogger party, because I would love to see you again. This time I am not with child, and there will be liquor. We can bond. I’m so excited.

  20. Pinks & Blues

    OMG! This is hilarious! My husband and I were having this conversation the other night. Beyond farts and bathroom doors open when we are doing our business… I was telling him you know you’ve been married a pretty long time when I’m walking around the bedroom nude and he’s still watching the Red Sox and continuing a conversation with me! Believe me… there were days when we wouldn’t have been so “tame”! Love your blog!!!
    – Audrey

  21. Danielle

    I just blogged about my Husband and I. Tomorrow is our anniversary. Three kids later, two different moves across the county and hugs amounts of debt, we are still at it.
    I can’t imagine life anyother way.
    And I would so invite you over for dinner. You can talk about whatever you want. We can laugh hysterically at eachother’s body odor.

  22. Della

    This post is awesome! It’s too funny what we are willing to do, and do without thought, in front of people we love. The other day, I was blowing my nose and was having trouble getting …umm..it all….so I’m standing in the bathroom rummaging up there with tissue when I look over to see my husband staring at me, grinning. “Get it yet?” he asked, then cracked up laughing as he left the bathroom.

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