Tap Tap My Tagline! (Or “The One in Which I learn That One Should Always Consult the Urban Dictionary Before Hitting Publish.)

I was surfing the myspace accounts of my son’s friends last night.
Most of the accounts are marked as “private” so I couldn’t view them, but a few of the kids have changed their age to 19 so that their accounts are not locked as private.
Thank God for that, because had they not lied about their age, I never would have found The Greatest Blog Post by a Teenage Boy EVER.
Although I am tempted to copy and paste the entire entry here on my blog, I won’t because, as my son would say “that’s messed up”. But I am going to share with you the funniest thing that I have read on the internet in a very long time.
In this post (which was about a “gurll” who “was lying because she just wanted 2 b seen and get attention from ppl”) he said the following…
“ur toothfaced! Don’t ever talk to me again kk?”
When I first read it, I was all “What is this ‘toothfaced’ the youth are talking about?”
And then it hit me that he really didn’t mean toothfaced. He meant two- faced. He just didn’t KNOW that he meant two-faced, because he thinks it’s toothfaced and this makes me laugh so hard that it physically hurts.
I don’t know why I found it so funny, except that maybe it reminds me of the time that I got spanked for shouting what I thought was “Geezus!” in anger (You know, kind of like “gee whiz!”) but my parents thought I was saying “JESUS!” (You know, as in “JESUS CHRIST!”) And I really was saying “JESUS!” I just didn’t know it because whenever I heard people saying “JESUS!” I honestly thought they were saying “GEEZUS!”
Anyway. You can be sure I’m using that word (TOOTHFACED!!!!) every chance I get.
I think that it will make Geezus very happy.
Bonus Toothfaced

62 thoughts on “Tap Tap My Tagline! (Or “The One in Which I learn That One Should Always Consult the Urban Dictionary Before Hitting Publish.)

  1. April

    I don’t know.. he may actually mean toothfaced. I usually look up stuff that I hear from younger people on http://www.urbandictionary.com (their site cracks me up).
    I looked up that word and got this:
    1. a. A bonehead-like person, or seemingly cool person acting in a bonehead manner. Typically found at a party, social gathering or event, where an audience is present, surrounded by a layer of bigger teeth.
    b. A similar person, acting in tooth-like manner. Someone who simply is not cool.
    2. A “cock-blocker.”
    Or, it is also completely possible that he meant twofaced and just completely didn’t get it either!!! Who freaking knows!?

  2. Y

    You know, I wondered, but in the context of the post, I’m almost positive he meant “two faced” (because he said something about acting one way in front of other people.)
    But, I could be wrong. Maybe he did mean toothfaced and if he did, this post makes me look REALLY OLD AND UNHIP.

  3. danelle

    If you are signing in as your son you shouldn’t be blocked out of the private profiles..and if you arent signing in as your son then you see his comments but not his inbox..which is where all the “real” stuff goes on.

  4. Kelley

    Ooooh I lurve Urban Dictionary! I spend hours on there finding words to freak out the teens that lounge around here messing the place up and expecting FOOD and stuff.
    Just because I gave birth to them. Geezus!

  5. manda

    That is so priceless. Toothfaced. Loving it. I stumbled upon the blog of a pregnant teenage girl married to a man twice her age (not sure why that’s pertinent to the story but thought I should include it), and she spelled pregnant “PREGNATE”. I’ve been saying pregnate instead of pregnant since then. I love adopting the ignorance of others.

  6. Crabmommy

    Jay-zus that’s funny! The best I can think of right now is the mom who recently referred to “SHRIEKING violets” when discussing shy kids with me.

  7. Mom On The Run

    LOL – I’m not sure what’s funnier, the blog entry or the flickr photo. I used to always think a grilled cheese was a “girl cheese” and one with cheese and ham was called a boy cheese.

  8. Kim

    That is freakin’ funny.
    I have a hard time figuring out what my daughter’s friends are saying on MySpace. Does Urban Dictionary make a web page translator?

  9. maya

    once i was out with a friend and someone at the table said “the smell was awful – it perminated the air!” as i looked around the table in disbelief, my eyes landed on the one guy at the table who realized her mistake and he gave me this look like “perminated? wtf?”
    so i married him and had his baby.

  10. BOSSY

    JUST when Bossy was about to respond to this funny teenage malaprop (see how Bossy did that? Used a big word?) Bossy’s daughter wondered into the room and said through a slightly bandaged mouth, “Dad is making my Awfuls.”
    Your what? Your Awfuls?
    Turns out what she said was, “Dad is making my Waffles.”
    Bossy likes her Awfuls with tons of syrup.

  11. Book Mamma

    OMG… His earnestness is what kills me. Can’t you just hear him talking about it to his friends all serious-like? It’s even kind of sweet.
    Unfortunately, he’ll know the actual definition of two-faced all too well one day, probably soon…

  12. baseballbroad

    OMG! I got in trouble for exactly the same thing. To this day my mom will not believe me when I tell her I was saying “geezus” and not Jesus. What can I say? I think in words, she thinks Biblical. LOL!

  13. faith

    OH yes. Keep it coming. I remember in Junior High when someone tagged our entire school with black spray paint: Satin Rules!
    HHAHA. Go Cotton!
    Apparently Satan had never been on a spelling test.
    Toothfaced takes the cake.

  14. Helen

    I love stuff that makes you laugh for way too long that could not even be funny to someone else. I wandered the Tshirt shops on venice beach on Christmas day ( am back in pissy old England in the rain now, bugger it) and saw a shirt that had chest height arrows on it, then it said ” I’ve had it up to here with midgets” which for some reason was the funniest thing I have ever seen or heard for about 43 years. I could hardly call my 4 year old away from the rude shirts he was unable to read because that one just had me choking. I didn’t buy it because the PC in me knew it was probaby very wrong but that unexpected hilarity? Priceless.
    Whether toothfaced or two faced, teenaged kids’ friends will always be good for a laugh, epecially when they don’t want to be.

  15. Laura

    When, I was about 15, an ex-boyfriend wrote to me and apologized for taking me “for granite.” Dumb.

  16. Faith

    Wait a minute…I can’t get past the definitions from the Urban Dictionary that April posted. What the hell does that meeeeaaaan?
    1. a. A bonehead-like person, or seemingly cool person acting in a bonehead manner. Typically found at a party, social gathering or event, where an audience is present, surrounded by a layer of bigger teeth.
    b. A similar person, acting in tooth-like manner. Someone who simply is not cool.
    Um, “…surrounded by a layer of bigger teeth.”??? What? “…acting in a tooth-like manner.”??!!
    Seriously, how does one act in a tooth-like manner? Have I been doing it all my life without knowing it? I think I’m relatively good on the coolness scale, but the definition has me so confused, maybe I’m off on that assessment!
    Kids are so awesome.

  17. Amanda

    Oh, I’ve got a good one too! My ex husband’s gf sent me a text message the other day that said “You’re using your daughter as your escape ghost”. I was like “Umm, do you mean SCAPEGOAT?” LMAO All this because my son cut his hand on Christmas night, and while I was cleaning up a trail of blood, I asked my daughter to call her dad and tell him to meet us at the hospital. What was I thinking, using my daughter as my escape ghost! LOL *rolls eyes*

  18. Fold My Laundry Please

    If you can’t laugh at teenagers, what else are they good for? I mean, they don’t even have fully functioning brains until close to 19! For example: When I was 15, my mother and I were walking across a mall parking lot heading back to our car when a lady wearing ultra dark sunglasses and being led by a seeing eye dog walked past us and headed across the lot. The adult’s first thought, “Oh, she is blind and is heading to the bus stop at the edge of the parking lot.” The teenagers first thought? “I wonder how she finds her car?” Unfortunately I said my thought out loud and was terribly offended in a hormonal sort of way when my mom dropped to the ground right there on the asphalt laughing like crazy! Also, I just didn’t get why she was laughing. All my mom could wheeze out was, “Think about that one for a minute, would you?”

  19. heidi

    these are priceless. my friend’s two-year-old dropped his book and yelled, “ship! …cruise ship!” now it’s my new favorite swear: cruise ship! can’t wait to hear what he comes up with as a teenager.

  20. Meegan

    Back in high school, when writing notes to friends was practically a sport, I remember receiving a particular note from a particular girlfriend. She kept saying a certain friend of ours was “caddy”. Huh? She worked on a golf course? No. She meant “catty”, as in toothfaced, of course. Hilarious post.

  21. Tracy

    Hah. You should come live with our 11-year-old for awhile.
    Last week, we rocked her world when she was telling us about this thing, that was an “obstacle illusion”. (optical illusion) When we explained it, she looked at us like we were stupid and had NO IDEA what we were talking about.
    She actually regularly does things like this, and I always think I should blog them, but I forget!

  22. AmyM

    Ummm. That’s sad.
    And to think, people made fun of me when I wrote “looser” instead of “loser”. As in “I am a looser”. Started up all kinds of comments about my sex life. 98.65% of which were untrue.
    But I suppose that is easier to hide than being ‘toothfaced’.

  23. Sarcastic Mom

    Ok… I read the first few comments, and I have to say that my brain thinks this:
    Even if he was using it as it is defined on the urban dictionary site, I guarantee that the word became an “urban slang” used by the kids b/c of the very dumbass mistake you were inferring in the first place. Which is both fucking hilarious and insanely sad.
    Damn kids! Why are they so damn stupid!
    I cringe whenever John’s neice leaves me a message on Myspace, and she’s all “Awww, bradenz soooooooooooooOOOOOooooo kewt – i MiSs yawl! MUAH!” (Of course, every profile pic she uses has pout lips.)
    “I belive the children are the future… teach them well and let them lead the way….”

  24. mauniejames3

    that’s so funny…your so funny…it’s like really listening when kids say the pledge of allegiance..their way..or sing America the beautiful..we did it too I’m sure..how cute that is anyway..the best of 2008 to you Y..maunie

  25. My Semblance of Sanity

    I think I peed a little when I read this!!!
    It’s like one of those memories of riding in the car with your friends, radio blaring and someone belts out something that is SOOOOO not what the song is saying!! HAHAHAHA
    Have to get to the bathroom!

  26. Assertagirl

    The funniest thing I’ve ever read on the internet was in a profile of a guy who contacted me when I was on a web-dating site. He said he had a “self-defecating” sense of humour.
    Um, excuse me, but do you shit yourself when you laugh? Because that is so not hot.

  27. Flippy

    LOL. Between toothfaced and escape ghost (either the ex-husband is very very wealthy and has a dumb trophy gf or he’s not, and he’s dating high school girls who think he’s hot because he has a car), I find myself being sad because the only thing I keep finding on my nephews’ MySpace pages is fag and niggah. In fact, one of my nephew’s had a gf who kept calling him a fag. Finally, I had to put my foot down, being gay & all, and ask if I needed to buy her a dictionary for Xmas. The girl was cute, but functionally illiterate, which made me really sad for my adorable and really smart nephew. Fortunately, she’s moved on to other “fags”.
    Heh, escape ghost. Tee hee. Oh, what I would’ve given to have seen that woman find out that it was scapegoat. All the pennies I have in my bank account, I think.

  28. hamiam

    I SO needed this – had a bi-atch of a day and this was totally freakin’ hilarious!
    My malaprop story is that when I was in early elementary I thought the following line from America (My Country ’tis of Thee) :
    “Let freedom ring,”
    was actually “E-e-v’ry dumb ring.” I remember thinking, “What the hell does that mean?” Doh!

  29. DebbieS

    ROFL This reminds me of the time my now ex-husband asked me, “What does ‘cosh’ mean?” When I had zero idea what he was talking about, he gloated thatmaybe I wasn’t the vocabulary queen I always boasted to be. I requested that he use it in a sentence, and he replied, “like throwing ‘cosh’ into the wind…” We laughed about that for YEARS..
    I have mentioned we’re no longer married, right?

  30. abi

    Wow. “Self-defecating sense of humor” wins the day. There’s really no way I can top that, but I will add that my four-year-old loves to sing a Christmas song that includes the lines “A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight, walking in our window underwear.”

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  32. Betty

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  33. Betty

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