Eight Eighty

Last night we had a dinner for the basketball team. I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to attend because I didn’t have anything to wear.
I know! I have a new tracksuit! And a pretty stripped shirt. But, I also wear those two tracksuits to every game and I was not about to go to a dinner in one of those outfits.
I promised myself that I’d never miss out on another event because of the “I don’t have anything to wear” excuse, but I had completely justified “this one time” in my mind. “It’s just a dinner for the basketball team. It’s not like it’s a wedding, or an awards ceremony!”
The dinner was scheduled to start at 6:00. At 4:30, Tony came home from work. I informed him that I was going to attend the dinner. He wasn’t happy about it at all.
” I want you to be there.” He said. “Baby, you’ll have a great time without me. It can be a bonding time for you and your son.” He looked at me and said “But I want you there with me.” I paused for a minute. “You’ll be fine, Tony.”
I left to go to the grocery store to buy the stuff I needed to make a salad for the dinner. On the way there, I kept hearing my husband’s voice. “I want you there with me.” Over and over. I was, yet again, being a selfish jerk. I kept thinking about what I was missing out on all because of effing clothes.
I was overcome with guilt and I knew that if I didn’t go, I’d regret it.
And so, before I went to the grocery store, I made an impromptu trip to Kohls. (Ah, Kohls. I hate you and yet I can’t quit you.) I thought if I went there and couldn’t find anything to wear, at least I could say “I tried! Now, you all have fun without me!”
I made my way to The Wimmin’s Section. I felt sick to my stomach. It’s been months since I’ve shopped for real clothes (also known as: Clothes that are not tracksuits). I’ve avoided it like the plague because shopping for clothes in the wimmin’s section is painful for me. I started at the clearance rack, because well, I ALWAYS start at the clearance rack. I was ready to give up after about 3 minutes because DEAR GOD MAKE THE PAISLEY/FLORAL PRINTS GO AWAY when suddenly, I saw a light shine down from heaven and the FUGLY clothes parted and right there before my eyes, I saw pair of black. In my size. I grabbed the tag and that is when I heard the angels sing.
Picture or Video 1858 copy
Yes, Jesus loves me, the price tag tells me so.
It was as if God was speaking to me, right there in the clearance section of Kohls and he was saying “Y. I don’t want you to miss out on a night with your family. Here are some pants, the shirts are 50% off. ENJOY THINE SPAGHETTI DINNER.”
When God speaks to you in the aisles of Kohls, you LISTEN and so, I rushed home, made the salad and got ready in less than 20 minutes (can you say “pit wash” and “spot shave?”) and went to the dinner.
And it was wonderful. I even made a new friend and she’s fabulous.
Picture or Video 1857
Oh, Self. How you’ve grown.
(And ha! ha! I wasn’t referring to “growing in size” but I can’t help but bring it up because WHEN IN THE HELL DID I GROW STRIPPER SIZED TITTAYS?)

142 thoughts on “Eight Eighty

  1. Peanut Gallery

    Yeah!! You did it! You look great. My son is getting married in July, can you move in with me and help me??? I have TWO Kohl’s in my city.

  2. Liz

    Y, you look fabulous. And so do yer boobies!
    But more importantly: GOOD FOR YOU. reading this made me smile and burst with pride.

  3. Sister Honey Bunch

    I could have written this word for word. I’m not an easy crier and yet I’m feeling all weepy. I avoided doing things all summer long because I hate the way I look and nothing fits well.
    I am so happy you went to the dinner.

  4. Ninotchka

    Ohhhh, I’m so glad you went and had a great time. You looked fabulous! And I’m not a Kohl’s girl at all (I’m a Target girl – and I too, always start at the clearance racks – is there any other way to shop?) but YOWZA that sale tag is “f-bomb” worthy, as in: WHAT A FUCKING GOOD DEAL! I might have to revisit my Kohl’s aversion (prounounced: avoo-ay-shun).

  5. Kyla

    You know, the first time I ever came to your blog because of all the boobie talk between you and Amalah. LMAO. BOOBS! I am juvenile.
    Now that’s out of my system, I am so happy for you Y and you look BEAUTIFUL, as always. I’m so glad you were able to go and enjoy the evening with your family. I’m proud of you.

  6. Rachel

    That shirt is really cute, and normally I’m a Kohl’s hater.
    Clearance sections are the only tangible evidence I have of God’s love for humankind.

  7. Y

    I’m a Kohl’s hater too. I just can’t seem to stop shopping there. It’s that damn Daisy Fuentes that keeps sucking me back in.

  8. Silke

    Oh, I sooo hear you on buying clothes.
    You look wonderful and be proud of them stripper sized tittays – all those skinny girls pay big bucks to have some. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Laura Lohr : My Beautiful Life

    You look awesome! Love the dress! Good for you getting out there!
    I swear, your posts lately have totally hit home. I have been avoiding all things social because I don’t fit into anything. What I have noticed though is that when I have clothes that fit over my big ol’ ass, I feel better.
    …and, I am going back to my doctor to talk about “my thyroid.” Seriously.

  10. Beth

    OMG, you look adorable! I was totally cheering for you (in my head, yes) when you got to the part about the light shining down from heaven. You rock!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Michelle

    I know you don’t feel very good about yourself right now but I think you are gorgeous. Good for you for making yourself go and glad you had a good time.

  12. Dawn

    Also, get your stripper tittays in the car and get a bra fitting. I speak this as a recent convert to a properly-fitted bra who has tittays de stripper also. The higher the boobs, the closer to God. And if he is speaking to you at Kohl’s, I know he also wants your boobs pointing upwards.

  13. shuey6

    yes, jesus loves you… he keeps “blessing” you and your “cups runneth over.”
    that’s jealousy talking… I’m so glad you went out.

  14. CA

    Oh the tittays…how I love them.
    You look great. I’m so glad you went to the dinner. Both Tony and your son must have been so happy to have you with them.

  15. Melissa @ Organized Chaos

    Good for you Y! You did it!
    2 yrs ago I decided to start dressing nicer when I left the house (ie no sweats) and it really does boost your confindence. And then I found that people often treat my based on my confidence in myself… not just appearance alone.
    PS – Holy boobs batman!

  16. Helen

    What a splendid wife and mother you are, and I just know that Pig hunter and basketball boy were so happy that you and your magnificent bosooms went with them.

  17. Sarah's Dandelions

    “Because when God speaks to you in the aisles of Kohl’s you LISTEN”
    amen sister. amen. and from now on, when I come home with clothes from Kohl’s, that is what I will tell my husband.

  18. Jessica

    You look beautiful. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I’m gonna have to check out Kohl’s for myself. I can never find things to fit me properly.
    Also, we’re supposed to go out to some family thing on Thursday. I’ve been thinking of excuses not to go because I hate the way I look and I have nothing to wear. You just changed my perspective on that. Thank you.

  19. marjorie

    You know, Yvonne, some people pay big bucks to have bobs like yours. I know you nursed Gabby, and I assume you nursed your boys too. Most women who have tittied 3 children experience sagging, as in “My pies have lost their filling.” I say your pies are looking damn good, and perky too. And I’m sure Tony would agree with me.

  20. Becki

    Ah, I love Kohl’s. I always find the greatest deals and never, never go to the regular racks. I only shop clearance racks. Man do I feel great when I walk out with 3 or 4 outfits for the price of 1 non-sale item. And your boobs are marvelous!!! Mine are huge and have been since about 6th grade:(

  21. Karen Sugarpants

    I am so proud of you! You look fabulous and the best part is the triumph over your doubting yourself. I hope to hear about many encores honey – you and your family deserve it.

  22. JesseeezMom

    The picture of the tags made my heart sing!! I LOOOVE Kohl’s! 3 weeks ago I got a $22 shirt for $1.40!! It was on clearance for$2 and I used a 30% coupon woohoo! You look beautiful! Most importantly you were there for your son AND Pig Hunter! Who I am sure could have cared less if you wore your sweatsuit! What was important to them was not the clothes that went to the dinner but the person IN the clothes! Lovin’ Kohls and your blog!

  23. Melissa

    Good for you! It’s time to start believing in thine own self again. Because you should. You are more beautiful than you see yourself.

  24. Anonymous G

    Haha! Have you ever seen so many booby jokes in one place??
    GOOD for you! You faced a challenge and you’re better for it! yehyah!

  25. Dani

    You look gorgeous. Wrap dresses (or tops) tend to make nearly anyone look like they have stripper boobs. This isn’t a bad thing. I’m SO proud of you that you went!

  26. EmilyPie

    I love you! ha. I love how you just described a situation that I go through like, oh, anytime something comes up that I most go to… and you gave it so much flare!
    You look gorgeous.
    BTW … I’m the queen of pit wash and spot shave…apparently, this is referred to as a “cat bath”

  27. Nery

    Wow that is a great damn dress for 8.80!! I LOVE Kohls.. no one undertands the deals you can get at that place. The clothes, shoes, pursues, and stuff all over the place always on clearance!!!
    You look sooo hot and soo much happier than that woman who was complaining about her tracksuit a few posts ago!

  28. Cristin

    You look beautiful. I hate/love Kohl’s also. Goddamn you Sonoma 2X!
    Also love the whore’s bath for cleaning up the “what’s gone sour.”

  29. Bobbi

    I got the cutest little (okay, maybe it isn’t so “little”) denim jacket at Kohl’s last week, $7.40. Cute with 3/4 sleeves, oversized buttons. Looks great with khakis, and jeans and hides all of the upper body bulges. Better and cheaper than plastic surgery, got to love it. Y – LOVE the shirt….where is the pic of the pants? Glad you got a grip and went to the basketball dinner. Your son will remember your presence not your size.

  30. Alice

    I want that shirt.
    And big, big props to you for going out and DOING this. Now that you’ve seen what The Bosoms can do when they’re unleashed, maybe you’ll give them more than 3 shirts to strut in, eh?

  31. chasmyn

    So funny! My first thought when I saw the photo and before I finished reading was, “Wow, look at that rack!”
    You look gorgeous – shut up you face with the self-deprication.

  32. Kelley

    SHITE!!! Look at those boobs!!! My Gawd woman they are fabulous. You could have gone naked from the waist down and no one would have noticed.
    And SQUEEEEEE!! On the price!!!

  33. Mama DB

    Nice. I too have avoided a function or two. I keep thinking, if I can only lose more weight, I’ll look fabulous and then I can go to ____. I need to just lose it or quit bellyaching about it and buy some damn clothes that fit already. I too have the boobage after nursing two kids.
    The “ladies” looks lovely in that top you picked out. Now I may have to make the trek down to Torrance and shop at Kohls because you’ve given me a glimmer of hope.

  34. heartfull

    I’m so happy for you! I wanted to cry when I read that you weren’t going to go and then my eyes spied the “tags” photo and I knew it was all going to be ok and I could keep reading.
    Then I ended up with tears of joys ruining my makeup. I think I’m pathetic.
    I had to take the kids to an event last night and felt self conscious as well. My new idea is to wear skirts until my pants fit again. Skirts every day is getting a little old and isn’t practical, especially at kid events. So I wore too-small cords and felt like shit all night.
    But! I got on the scale this morning and I’m down, so I know I’m getting there.

  35. Renรฉe

    And on the 7th day, He made boobs.
    And it was good.
    Couldn’t you kinda get used to this whole ‘running out and buying new clothes’ gig? You look stunning in that shirt (my husband would like to reach thru the monitor and grab you) and you look happy.
    It’s a start. Small steps. Slight changes in perspective and attitude. You’ll get there Y.

  36. Amy M.

    You look FANTASTIC!!!!! I’m so glad you decided to put other’s feelings ahead of yours and make all of you happy!!!! See, some times it just works out!

  37. Hannah

    Hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. Them bewbies may have gotten to the dinner five minutes before you did but honey, you look fabbo.
    It’s so hard to shop for “real” clothes when you’re feeling bad about yourself. Well done.

  38. Elizabeth

    I too function within the two track suit parameter. I also have a closet full of clothes in all sizes and I have shamefully missed many events including weddings and holidays because of my “I have nothing to wear” excuses…I have refused to buy Big Lady wimmons clothes, not so much because they are fugly, but because I have been in denial about the size I have become. It’s hard to accept.I keep thinking this is only temporary,and I dont want to spend money on new clothes cuz I am gonna really do it..starting today, gonna lose this weight… yet I have done nothing to change. OMG, I used to have the willpower and the mindset of 100 US Olympians when it came to my weight. I would work out like a ‘mutha and eat like I was in training fo the Gold….but I digress.. I recently went on Synthroid,(my thyroid is blown, thanks to the years of abuse I put myself thru I am sure) and if anything has changed in a short time period it is my outlook….mentally I am feeling better. We are the same age, and from what I can tell, the same size. I look at you and see beauty… and the confidence that pulls all of us in like a magnet girlfriend. You are a woman keeping it “real” and I appreciate you sharing. I am going to make efforts to get over myself and quit missing events. Now if God would talk to me in Kohls that my speed up my outlook! You rock. (p.s, I have those shorts or ones like them …the ones you recently showed us from Old Navy..I was going through stuff to get rid of the other day and I showed my hubby..”Look how small I used to be”…he said “you wore those?” “Yea, I did”I answered. My mind said “hails yea, she did motha effa’, dont you remember?..all the step aerobics and doing w/o the cake to fit into them!!”..Oh well, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry that he didnt remember, but I decided I am blessed that hubby doesnt focus on that stuff. I am harder on myself than he would ever be. He always wants me to be with him at whatever event, like your hubs and I have blown him off too many times for “silliness” on my part. It’s a struggle. thank you again for sharing.

  39. Tracey

    Nothing like shop therapy! Can you say GORGEOUS! You look hot girlfriend. And I wish (and my husband probably too) I had TITTYAS like that!

  40. Jenera

    First of all, the top is fabulous! Showing off boobs is always a good idea, lol.
    Secondly, good for you for going to the dinner. I’m sure the hubby was quite happy with you and it shows that you are not going to let something stupid like clothes ruin your day.
    I’ve had problems at times with clothes but my theory is no matter how bad we think we look, there will always be someone at said event that WILL look worse than us, lol.

  41. FishyGirl

    You and the girls look lovely, lovely, and I’m so glad you summoned the courage to do what you had to do to be there for your family. I’m proud of you. You look wonderful.

  42. ie

    You are beautiful.
    You also look amazingly similar to a friend of mine, so I get a little chill when I see you post a picture, because I see her in you. (that’s a good thing, btw.)

  43. Anni Hispanni

    YAY for retail therapy! You look great, Y. I am so happy that you went out and did something nice for yourself. As a card carrying member of the Itty Bitty Titty Comittee, I have some serious boob envy!

  44. Liz

    Oh, I absolutely love Kohl’s and can spend a few hours just going through racks and racks of lovely red tags, like yours.
    Do most of my back-to-school shopping this way ;o)
    Looking good, Momma!

  45. Jennifer

    I am so jealous of your cleavage! It’s real and it’s spectacular!
    (I’m one of those people that even with a 45 pound weight gain I’m still sporting “littletest angels”)
    (wow, both a Seinfeld and a Designing Women reference in one comment!)

  46. Jennifer

    I am so jealous of your cleavage! It’s real and it’s spectacular!
    (I’m one of those people that even with a 45 pound weight gain I’m still sporting “littletest angels”)
    (wow, both a Seinfeld and a Designing Women reference in one comment!)

  47. Ginny

    Good for you, Y! Now you have 3 outfits! Keep a’ goin’!! Glad you went and had such a great time. Ps: I went to Kohl’s after your track suit post and they had nothing! Oh well… next time!

  48. Amy

    Dude. I LOVE Daisy Fuentes pants. They will become your new favorites. The shirt is awesome, and I’m glad you went!

  49. Redneck Mommy

    Holy hell, woman, you look hot.
    You do realize I’m going to have a hard time restraining myself from ogling your wonderous rack, right?
    Cuz I’m all about the boobs…

  50. pickel

    AHHH! You look beautiful! I’ve been living in sweats for months and need to get out and do some shopping. If only I had a little motivation like you did. Hmmm…maybe I should plan a party.

  51. Jill

    I too have a hate-hate relationship with Kohl’s Wimmins section. Let’s just say I totally agree with the Fugly reference. What a hoot!
    I made a discovery today in my quest for clothes that fit… I have never been in a Fashion Bug Woman store for many reasons…one is the name, two is the fact that store shares space with Fashion Bug “Not Woman”, and three I hate clothes shopping in general, so why subject myself to yet another store that I will hate. However, I went there this afternoon…I was pleasantly surprised with the selection. Some pieces were downright passable. I did not buy anything since I did not want to get too excitable. It was a little glimmer of hope in my continuing shjopping nightmare!

  52. Kristen

    This was all “Oprah and the Secret” in action. You look stupendous, and now I will use positive affirmation to try and get me some stripper boobies too. After breastfeeding 2 kids, mine look like fourth-grader-chubby-boy boobs. Not attractive.

  53. The Over-Thinker

    Made my daily stop at “Joy Unexpected” and saw that you are at 128 comments for this post! Shit, Y, you should start charging Daisy Fuentes for all the free advertising!

  54. Jenn

    Y, you look great. Hooray for you!
    Also, your declaration that Jesus obviously wanted you to buy those pants was hilarious and reminded me of my best friend who, in college, received a package of from J. Crew which she did not order. She called them to try to resolve the mistake but all they could tell her was the clothes were paid for and she was the intended recipient and so she could keep them. She called them her “J. Crew clothes from Jesus”. She never solved the mystery of where they came from.

  55. diane

    I actually have NO earthly idea how I found your blog LOL! I check in from time to time and you are SO entertaining. I cannot believe the amount of comments you get!
    Keep blogging, you bring a smile to so many people’s faces! and yep, Kohl’s….saved me a few times too! ๐Ÿ™‚

  56. Sasha

    ok you have a new follower – – i chanced on your webbie and i love it.. you’re real and funny and absolutely gorgeous. way to go!
    i’ll be checking in since now my firefox tells me i subscribe to your RSS feed – you’re my first rss feed so i have no idea what that entitles but i bet its something good. hehe
    hugs and stay fabulous!

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