If She Ever Asks Me To Draw The Celtics, I’m Going to Draw a Big Hairy Ass Checking Itself.

Whenever I sit down with my daughter to color, I always get a little bit nervous that she’ll ask me to draw something other than a happy face or a flower. You see, her dad can look at a picture of something and copy it to look almost exactly the same. So, she can go to her Dad and say something like “Dad, can you draw Shrek?” And he’ll say “Sure I can! Bring me the DVD so I can look at it!” And within a few minutes, she’ll be smiling from ear to ear, running around the house showing off the custom drawing of Shrek that Daddy made for her.
Now, whenever she asks me to draw something for her it’s a completely different story. Every single time she asks me to draw something for her there is an emotional breakdown of some kind.
“That’s not Snow White! That’s a piece of poop! WAHHHHH!”
“No! Look! It’s Snow White! Look at her pretty hair!”
“That’s not hair! That’s poop! I WANT SNOW WHITE NOT POOP! WAHHHH”
“That’s the best I can do, little girl. I’m sorry I’m not talented like your Dad!”
So, imagine the horror I felt deep down in my soul yesterday when we were having a precious little tea party and my daughter blurted out the words, “Will you draw Woody and Jesse for me, Mama?”
I tried explaining to her that I can NOT draw and “Hey! I have an idea! Let’s wait til Daddy gets home and we’ll ask him to draw Woody and Jesse for you! He loves to draw for you!”
“But MooOOoooOm! I want YOU to draw them for me!”
There was no getting out of it. I was going to have to try to draw Woody and Jesse. This wasn’t going to end well.
She brought me the DVD covers and I began to draw. She leaned in and watched me intensely as I began to sketch. My heart was pounding. My hands were sweaty. I knew it was only a matter of minutes before we’d both be laying on the floor in tears.
When I was finished drawing, I took a deep breath and waited for her response. I was fully expecting the “OMG THIS DOESNT’ LOOK LIKE WOODY!” Emotional Breakdown because, well…
She looked. She tilted her head. Then, she turned to me and said “MOM!”
Oh NOES. Here we go, I thought.
“You didn’t give Jesse eyelashes!”
She grabbed the pen from me, begin to add some lashes and when she was finished, she giggled and said “there, now it looks like Jesse!”
Sure it does. If Jesse were a demented Old Circus Monkey*!
She loved them. Absolutely loved them. And that is why I love that little girl– she is so unpredictable and almost always in a wonderful way. Every day is full of surprise and new adventures and I am enjoying the hell out of her and her Dramatic ways.

(Speaking of Dramatics… I leave you with this gem. Numbers in Opera.)

*If you get the reference, I kind of love you.

43 thoughts on “If She Ever Asks Me To Draw The Celtics, I’m Going to Draw a Big Hairy Ass Checking Itself.

  1. The Simple Family

    Dude, woody looks like he has a woody with that belt.
    Every time we have “drawing wars” (at restaurants or such), my daughter will ask for things such as: A lamp that has poop for a head with jelly on top.

  2. balconygal

    OMG, could you please draw the big hairy ass checking itself anyway? That would be hilarious. I guess it should be green and maybe look like Lucky, the Celtics mascot. It would look really great in that 2007-2008 Celtics season scrapbook I keep meaning to do.

  3. Y

    It’s so nice to know that there are still a few people checking up on me here. Just been dealing with so much, it’s been impossible to write. I just love you guys.

  4. Julie

    I watched the opera diva when you put it up on flickr, but didn’t get the chance to comment. Hilarious!!

  5. vero

    oh Y…I feel ya! My husband is a GRAPHIC DESIGNER…Ugh! He makesme look like poop. He draws all the disney cars 3D….whatevs! I make stick figures and box cars. My son gets SO pissy when I try to explain that the red block with eyes, IS McQueen!!!
    🙂 hahah her counting song is bomb!

  6. Y

    BHJ– Thanks for noticing. I thought they were pretty special myself, but didn’t want to toot my own horn.

  7. Denise

    oh my word…I LOVE Gabby singing videos. And the rest of your post cracked me up! Your Woody pic was pretty good…the other one was much improved by the eyelashes hahahaha

  8. Amy M

    You draw WAY better than me so now I’m afraid if I do have a kid, I’ll get asked to draw something. Wow, don’t know if I can take the pressure!!!! And little drama queen – so so so cute! LOVE LOVE LOVE how at the end it’s like she’s bored with her display of talent and looks away!!!

  9. Jenn

    LOVE the demented old circus monkey comment. We watch a lot of the King of Queens in this household (otherwise known as Doug & Carrie by my 3yr old son)
    We are also big into Toy Story and my son was able to tell your drawing was Woody, so good on ya.
    You are laugh-out-loud funny and I love this blogosphere!

  10. Chag

    Is that a toilet seat on Jesse’s head?
    You did much better than I would have done. All the people I draw all the look the same. Maybe because they’re all stick figures.

  11. drhoctor2

    HAIL-LE-LEW-YA….you’re back at last…..Had very bad day myownself and needed a dose of joy…..
    I thank you.

  12. Velma

    I’d like to compliment your photos, actually – the pictures are stunning.
    (The drawings? Not so much… heh.)

  13. The Over-Thinker

    And Woody’s head can double as a coffee mug! How absolutely functional!
    P.S. Well done, Y—helluva lot better than I could do.
    Please keep the dramatics coming—she is a freakin’ genius. (Good luck with that!) 🙂

  14. stefanie

    You know how I feel about being crafty and that includes drawing. I always have the best intentions but then I suck at it. Sad for my daughter. She already out draws me. Hey, how do we feel about the Bachelorette?

  15. Shannon River

    I have to delurk because I actually DO get the reference. 🙂 YAY!
    Now you gotta take Jesse to a Mets game and try and buy a “coolahoo”.
    I put that in quotes because frankly, I have no idea what Carrie was saying or even trying to buy while she was in the BEER ONLY line.

  16. Jenny, Bloggess

    Jesse…needs help. But damn, woody looks hot. It kind of looks like Woody is taking his deformed little brother out on the town and he’s just daring anyone to make fun of him because he will cut him down like a dog in the street. I’ve given this some thought.

  17. Kris

    Oh… i love her singing! i have a daughter that just turned 4 they would be the best buddies and could compete for the princess title!! I think your drawing is great!! There is a lot of that stuff here too.. that isnt the right thing.. that is dog poop!

  18. Angella

    Jesse’s kind of freaking me out, but Woody looks real.
    (Why did they name him “Woody”? You can’t write a sentence with his name in it without smirking.)

  19. Jenn

    OK, I know your pain about drawing because I tortured my parents similarly and I believe I remember having shitfits about their “bad” drawings. Poor Mom and Dad.
    But what I really need to say is, I didn’t even have the sound on on my computer at work and that video of Gabby almost made me pee my pants. SO DRAMATIC.

  20. Jessie

    Holy Crap!!! I haven’t seen or read anything that made me LOL in a loooong time. Your daughter is adorable. Love the drawings by the way!

  21. Kristen

    LOVE the video. “Ten” is the absolute best. Oh, the drama. She’s one cool little chicky. She must have you laughing all the time.

  22. jen from boston

    I love love LOVE the key change from #9 to #10 as well as going from forte to piano. clearly her training shines in her numbers opera.
    Also, I adore that somewhere between 13 and 17 she checks out her fingers nails, like, “girlfriend, I have this in the shit locked. up..”

  23. lizinsumner

    uhmmmmm…….I’m slow and I don’t get the reference. But, I LOVE the singing!! And, I LIKE the drawings. So maybe you could love me too……….

  24. Ξ_Heather

    Hey, don’t feel bad — your Woody is actually recognizable. Your hubbie must be one heck of an artist for you to feel like that’s sub-standard.
    I think my little one is in love with your girl. “Can we play that again!”

  25. ela

    LOL – it does sorta resemble a demented circus monkey, but when Mama makes it – it IS Jessie!
    So sweet – I love (am sad it was lacking in my childhood) your adoration and encouragement (sp!) of her. She is such a natural, someday I’ll have to email you a picture of my ham bone child (now 12) and he still makes me drop my jaw in awe of his humor, his talent, his outlook on life. He was playing at being Elvis (without knowing WHO Elvis was) at less than 2yo.

  26. Y

    Or, let’s NOT.
    They blew a 24 point lead (18 point at the half) and LOST THE GAME.
    I don’t know if I can forgive them for that.
    They need to CHECK THEIR ASSES

  27. Deborah

    So cute! Her mouth kind of reminds me of Jennifer Aniston. Random, I know. But watch her lips. She’s adorable!

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