Oh Yes I Did Write a BlogHer Post.

I want to tell you a story about my first year at BlogHer.
I wasn’t particularly nervous about fitting in or any of that crap. I’m a “Make My Own Fun” kind of person and don’t really give a shit if people “invite me to sit at their table” or not. I knew that I’d have fun because I had a fabulous roommate and was looking forward to meeting the people I had come to know online through my blog.
When I arrived, things were just as I had imagined. Better, actually. And then “it” happened.
I had just finished doing the Alpha Mom interview and as I was walking out with my friend, someone asked what we were doing next.
“We’re going to the party in Super Star Bloggers room!”
The Exclusive Party That I Wasn’t Invited To.
“Um, I wasn’t invited to that party.” I said to my friend.
“Ohhhh.” she said. things got a little awkward. “Well, I am going.”
In that moment, I could have felt highly offended. I was snubbed! The PopEweLers! don’t like me! I’m a loser! Wah!
But, guess what? I didn’t care. In fact, I couldn’t have cared less. I didn’t have the energy to sit and pout because a bunch of people who I didn’t know and weren’t interested in getting to know me didn’t invite me to their party. There were people to talk to and booze to drink and Drive By Farters to laugh at.
At last years conference, while Elizabeth Edwards was speaking, my roommate Lena began passing “let’s have a party in our room!” notes back and forth.
“Who should we invite?”
“Whoever wants to come.”
“What about her, her and her?”
“Yes! And her and her, her her her and her!”
“Oh! and her!”
“How about we just tell people we talk to at the Cock! Tail! Party to come up to our room when it’s over!”
“We can go to 7-11 and buy booze! And fritos! And bean dip!”
At the party, I told everyone I talked to about our party.
“Come to our party in 2603”
“We’re having booze and bean dip in room 2603! Come join us!”
“Room 2603! Be there!”
When we got on the bus to go back to the hotel, I started to get a little worried.
“I’m scared that everyone will show up. What will we do if that happens?” I asked Lena.
“Um, how many people did you invite, Y?”
“Only… everyone that I talked to..”
We laughed and laughed. Then we got scared. What if everyone showed up? Or, even worse, what if absolutely NO one showed up?
Once we got to the room, we met up with Lindsay, SJ, and Kathy and decided to take a trip to buy “food and drink” for our party.
That trip to 7-11 is one of my favorite memories of the entire trip. Nothing funnier than a bunch of bloggers deciding which booze to buy for their hotel room party at 10pm on a Saturday night.
We were totally stoked with our bottles of booze and cans of bean as we walked the streets of Chicago. Now, I’m not trying to brag here, but as we were walking to our hotel room, I spotted a McDonalds and came up with one of my Top 10 Greatest Ideas in the History of My Life.
“Hey! Let’s grab some Cheeseburgers and fries to pass out at our party!”
And everyone was all “OMFG YES!”
15 minutes later, we were in our room with a dresser full of liquor and a bed full of McDonald bags.
Lindsay's all "let's get this party started!"
Within a few minutes, people started filing into the room.
“Wanna Cheeseburger!” I’d say all happy like with my Bag Hat.
But, after about the 10th person, I started getting a little nervous because I’m totally scared of The Law. I had heard rumors about Security breaking up a room of FOUR people and so I was like “let’s try to keep it down, people.”
I lost count of how many people were filing into the room, but I can tell you that it was a lot. There wasn’t anywhere to stand, so people began sitting on our beds and on our pillows (WHILE EATING BEAN DIP.) and man, did it get loud.
Within minutes, we were out of cheeseburgers.
And it was sad.
God, it was so much fun being crammed into that room, talking to all of those people. Most of them I didn’t even know! And they didn’t know me! And yet, we sat on a bed and talked while drinking Smirnoff Ice.
Then, all of a sudden, someone came running in saying something about “Security’s coming!”
And Lindsay grabbed me and pulled me into the bathroom where we hid because, I told you… SCARED OF THE LAW.
I would have stayed in there too, but they started asking questions.
“Who’s room is this?”
So, I took off my Bag Hat, walked out of the bathroom scared shitless of the GIANT MEN who wanted to “have a word with me.”
“Hi, can I help you?”
“Is this your room?”
“Yes sir.”
And then, I said the dumbest thing that I bet that man has ever heard when breaking up a party.
“Sir, we’re just writers. We’re just writers talking. And eating cheeseburgers. We’re just writers,sir
You can see that Big Dude is trying really hard not to laugh, which was good because he wasn’t smiling when I first started talking. He couldn’t hold it back any longer because… we’re just writers, sir.
The party couldn’t have lasted longer than an hour, but the memories that were made in that room that night still make me laugh so hard that it hurts a year later. I loved the experience of chatting with people who I might not have otherwise had the chance to talk to while wearing a bag on my head and that it seemed completely normal and not at all lame to everyone there. It was just one of the most absurdly hilarious nights of my life.
And guess what?
We’re doing it again this year. Only this year, it’s going to Kick So Much Ass because Isabel from Alpha Mom has graciously offered to host our party. And let me tell you, She knows how to throw a party.
If you’re going to be at BlogHer, Myself, Lindsay and SJ would love for you to join us on Saturday night. It will start around 9:30 pm. We don’t have a room number yet, so you’ll have to find one of us or you can email me and I’ll give you my number so we can get in touch.
MY GOD, my fingers hurt. No time to edit. Must go to sleep. Airport in 11 hours. WOO.

45 thoughts on “Oh Yes I Did Write a BlogHer Post.

  1. Rhi

    “We’re just writers, sir!”
    I’d love to come to your cheeseburger party. I NEVER turn down a cheeseburger 🙂

  2. Sylvia

    You know what, that’s how I first found your blog. Someone wrote about this whole A-list party thing or was offended or something and I wasn’t sure what it was about. Anyway, someone linked to your blog in the comments and I saw you’d done an open McD’s party rather than all this fretting about who got invited to where and I decided you were great.
    I don’t even remember who the upset blogger was now, which says it all.
    One day I’ll go to blogher 🙂

  3. ms blue

    I look soooo sad that there were no cheeseburgers left for me. Still on the inside I was screaming with happiness.
    When I’m eating cheeseburgers this weekend, that will be true sadness that I’m not in San Fran partying it up. Have a great time!

  4. JJ

    This might be my all time favorite blog post. It makes me wish I was a blogger and going to BlogHer. And I love cheeseburgers. LOVE.

  5. Izzy

    Dude, the cheeseburger “writers” party was really fun but those big dudes broke up our fun way too early.
    And Lena..I miss her!!!
    Hey, remember when I had no clothes b/c they lost my luggage and you guys wanted to clothe my pathetic self? You offered me your super cute and BRAND NEW shirt that I totally took home by accident? Durrr.
    And the stinky cheese incident?
    And making a super late night run to that glorious 7-11 for chips, bean dip etc?
    I thought most of last year was lame but those were some of the better moments.
    I’m so glad you were at Camp Baby because I’m really going to miss seeing you this summer. SRSLY. *sniff*

  6. AlwaysCurious

    Have SO much fun! You deserve it!
    Also– I so respect and admire your general attitude about fitting in!! It is something that really shines through in your daily life and because if it you are totally someone that people want to be around! I wish I could learn to be a little more like that and a little less concerned about how I look all the time. 🙂

  7. Hol

    You know how to have fun! Wish I was going to BlogHer… especially for the cheeseburger party. Have a great time!

  8. Kim

    I snorted reading your post, Chris and I are going to be at BlogHer and would love to join your cheeseburger party! Looking forward to meeting you.

  9. holly

    That looks hilarious. I love that you made the big surly security guard laugh. Have fun this year!

  10. RookieMom Whitney

    Hi, we don’t know each other (but maybe we will after this weekend!) but it sorta got me teary to think about how we grown women feel and fear the same cliquey stuff as we did in high school. Also teary because I know that for many of us bloggers, myself (even having had a book published!) included, using the word “writer” is a little scary. Good for you! I love it.
    P.S. I think wearing something that’s not a hat on your head is simply the best way to start a party.

  11. Valeta

    I am not going to blogher even though I live an hour away from it. I wish I could and I wish I could go to awesome parties. Have fun. 😀

  12. Jennifer

    Um, your party sounds a skillion times more awesome than some faux-VIP party. Also? Quarter Pounders. And fries. That right there puts you MILES ahead in my book.

  13. Jessica

    Oh man, I lost my group that was going to your party while I ran into my room to change my shoes. Then I went to your floor and kept thinking “room 2603, no wait, maybe it was 2063. Or 2360…” and I walked up and down the hall and finally gave up, unwilling to knock on someone’s door and ask, “hello, is there a party in here” when really, it was just some guy trying to get some sleep before he had to fly home to Tennessee the next morning.
    And this year, I’m too busy tossing my cookies to have gone anywhere, let alone enjoyed bean dip. Hope it was a BLAST!!

  14. Veep Veep

    I laughed so hard at “Sir, we’re just writers”….. until I saw this comment “Sir, we just have vaginas, sir. I mean, seriously…they’re vaginas. Whiskered biscuits. Totally harmless, sir!”
    And now I am dying from laughter. What a great way to end a great weekend!!!!!!

  15. X

    I love that you did that. Who the hell ever heard of a VIP room at a blogger convention? Was there paparazzi too?

  16. Monica

    O! M! G! That was so hilarious, especially the part about the beans! I don’t remember how I found your blog- but I’m glad I did! And yes, I love exclamation points, leave me alone. !.
    I am sooo adding you to my blogroll so I can read you everyday. 😀

  17. Kyla

    You crazy, crazy girls. I’d have been there if I didn’t stand in front of the elevators talking so long that it got shut down before I got ON the elevator. I’m a blabber, I can’t help it. 😉 It was good to see you again.

  18. Carole Hicks

    omg….I just totally laughed, snorted and gafawwed through this post while my husband and kids who are watching a very serious movie just stared at me and told me to be quiet…bestest and funniest post I’ve read in a longggg time…thanks for the laffs!! “sir, we’re just writers…cheeseburgers…”

  19. Jodi

    OMG – I love the photos! Hearing you tell the story on Friday night was great, but I really needed to see the expressions on those guys’ faces to get the full effect!
    xo – Jodi

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