My daughter asks a million questions a day. Her most recent line of questioning is related to bodies.
“Mom, why we have teeth? To chew?”
“Mom, why we have hands? To touch things?”
“Mom, why we have ears? To hear things?”
I usually just nod and say “Yes! We have ears to hear!” and “Yes! We have teeth to chew!”
Today, she decided to take the questions to a place she’s never gone before and of course she did it while we were out amongst the general public.
Her (in her most sincere, but VERY LOUD voice): Mom? Do you have hair on your butt?
Me: (Smiling at the dude who turned his head to hear my answer, you know, to play it off as if my daughter did not just ask me if I have a hairy ass.) No, G. Mommy does not have hair on her butt.
Her: (Again, totally sincere, but also VERY LOUD): Ooohhhh. But do you have hair on your pachina?
Me: Um, Yes. I do. (Sorry, no brazilian wax for me because ha ha AM NOT GETTING ON ALL FOURS FOR A COMPLETE STRANGER.)
Her: Oh man. I wish I had hair on my pachina like you.
Me: Look! A bird! Flying!

46 thoughts on “Uncensored

  1. The Aitch

    OH MAH GAW. How embarrassing. You handled it well. I still think her questions about vagina’s are better than my 4 year old comments awhile back.
    Me: Sitting down to pee
    Her: Momma, is that your giney?
    Me: Yes.
    Her: Ewwww!

  2. patois

    I wish I’d have the guts in a situation like that to actually start talking about why I don’t go for the Brazilian wax. Very funny!

  3. Becki

    hahahahahahaha. Too funny. Like when my son asked me to smell my armpits in line at the grocery store because he wanted to know how bad they smelled. 🙂

  4. Wendy

    She certainly has a healthy dose of curiosity, doesn’t she? Why do they always do that when you’re out? It never happens at home. With no one else in earshot.
    You handled it very well!

  5. Kyla

    One day KayTar was using the potty as Josh was getting out of the shower and she LAUGHED and LAUGHED and pointed and said, “What is THAT?!” and laughed some more.
    Kids, they know no boundaries.

  6. Ashley

    Oh yes. I’ll probably say to mine, “Listen, sweetie. Let’s talk about that on the day your first child is born—which, if you’re like me, will be the day you cease caring that you have naturally occuring bodily hair. Okay? Who the HELL has time or patience for a Brazilian when there is a bottle of wine in the fridge?”

  7. kia (good enough mama)

    oh, wow! this sounds waaaaay too much like my own conversation with Little Man. except it involved boys having willies and girls lacking willies and daddy having a “furry willy.” LOL
    So glad that my kid isn’t the only one who asks millions of questions per day. about body hair. 😉

  8. Kait

    If you have to get on all fours to get a brazillian, your waxer is crap. I’ve never had to do that – how humiliating!
    I love your girl child. She is precious!

  9. balconygal

    Oh, there were men around! My biggest (so far) was when Balcony Princess was two and we’re in the airport in Chicago and it was suddenly so quiet – no hand dryers, no toilets flushing – and she says, all top ‘o tha lungs to ya – MUMMY, I SEE YOUR GIIINA. Then she dives for the floor to climb under the stall – I’M GOING TO SEE IF ALL THE LADIES HAVE THEIR GIINAS AT THIS AIRPORT.
    The place exploded with laughter and I, strangely, chose to be proud.
    Wish we were closer so our princesses could play and make us laugh all day.

  10. Louise

    I know it was humiliating at the time but… HAHAHA!
    My friend told me a story of her daughter accidentally walking in on her daddy when he was in the bathroom and running out to the living room where my friend and her mom were having tea. She screamed “Mommy! Granny! Daddy has… A TAIL!”
    My friend, of course, was mortified.
    Even more so when her mother (the granny) said “oh… Is it a long tail?”

  11. Kathleen

    That is hilarious! I can’t wait until my little guy is old enough to talk and crack me up about stuff like that. I suppose I’ll have to put up with the 99.9% of mundane talking to wait for a winner like that!
    FYI…check out my blog tomorrow as you’ve been mentioned by my Friday Featured Blog blogger, CanCan from Mom Most Traveled. The post will be up at midnight tonight.

  12. Y

    “Daddy has a tail” made me cry. That is so damn funny.
    Also, if we had been at home when she brought it up, it probably wouldn’t have even been funny, but bring that stuff up in front of men I don’t know and seriously? LOOK! A BIRD! is the best I can do.

  13. Texan Mama

    ooh so funny. Make sure you print out this post and save it for her to add to her hope chest of items to be given right before her wedding. She can look forward to her own daughter asking about butt hair.
    As for my kids, they would never ask. They would not have to. Usually it is THEM telling ME to put some clothes on. I’m a firm believer in “show it to ’em now, they won’t be quite as curious later.” Oh, but they may need therapy, I guess.

  14. Texan Mama

    Oh, as my computer is all “LOADING” I re-read my post. Please don’t think I set my kids down and take off my robe and…. IT”S NOT LIKE THAT. All I mean is that I am not very modest when I get out of the shower, when I am getting up in the morning, when I’m changing into my swimsuit, etc. It’s normal, I promise. But just with much less modesty.

  15. baratch

    Hello.This is first time for me to visit your site.
    I have three children (6year-old boy,4year-old boy,2year-old girl)
    My kids ask lots of things to me everyday,too. I have to answer lots of question for each of 3kids.
    I’m happy if you link to my site.It is written in Japanese(some of the words are English) but show pictures.

  16. jess

    Oh my, this almost made me shoot milk out of my nose. Some of the comments were as funny as the original post! Gotta love kids and their candor.

  17. Kristina

    That’s too funny Y! Well, maybe not so much for you. My daughter went through the exact thing… sorta. To her, basically everything below the belt was your “butt”. Luckily, she didn’t decide to scream “MOM, you have hair on your butt!!! in public. We were tucked safely in our bathroom at home. Only the immediate neighbors and half the town heard it through the open window. *sigh*

  18. Shelly

    Hi, Shelly the lurker here!
    I decided I would comment since this topic is HILARIOUS. I myself have no children but have alot of friends who do. One experience I was involved in was where my friends 3 year old was shopping with us. I should have known he was bound to say something when we went into a lingerie store. He kept pointing at all the bra’s and yelling, “PINK BOOBIES! YELLOW BOOBIES! GREEN BOOBIES!” That entertained the other patrons as his mom whispers, “Hunny…those are bras, not boobies.”
    We head to the next store and I go to the change room to try on a few shirts. The little monkey sticks his head under my stall and yells, “SHEWEY I SEE YOUR BOOBIES!!!”
    Embarrassing? Yes. Completely hilarious? Most definately!

  19. Melissa

    When I was 5, I (very loudly) asked my dad what the “f-word” meant…only I didn’t censor myself.

  20. Shamelessly Sassy

    My daughter is currently running through the same loop of questions. She recently questioned the hair on my privates. Why is it there? What does it do? Can I have some? Most of the questions occur when she runs into the bathroom while I’m showering and sticks her head inside the shower curtain.

  21. Mishel

    Lurker here. Your daughter is too cute! Umm, I’ve never had to get on all fours for a brazilian though. That’s a very funny image as well as imagining your daughter and you talking in the store:)

  22. Shylah

    I related this story to a friend.
    me: hee, I love little-kid talk
    him: pachina. sounds latin: vox pachina. spose the literal translation of that would be ‘voice of the vagina’

  23. Angelena

    The other day I ate something that made my stomach angry….. without going into details my kids were asking me if I was ok. I said yes and went about my business. My oldest son is obsessed with bodily functions and found it necessary to tell the little one ( who is 3 ) that mommy had diarrea ( sp ) well…. I had a doc appt later that evening for a yearly checkup and my 3 year old asked as I was coming out into the waiting room…. “MAMA DO YOU HAVE DIARREA????”
    yes, every single one of those people in that waiting room turned around and looked.
    Kids…. gotta love em 😉

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