I can’t sleep.
My friend’s baby died today.
Her baby died.
I had read that she has been taken to hospital by ambulance. I was worried, so this afternoon I sent her an email.

Just catching up on what’s going on with your baby girl. I’ve been so busy and wrapped up in my stupid little world.
If you need ANYTHING, please don’t hesitate to call me. I’m only an hour-ish away.
Thinking of you all.

She wrote back and said she was worried. Maddie was breathing really hard and the doctors didn’t know why. She was scared, but glad she was being monitored so closely.
I remember feeling worried, but thinking they would figure out what was wrong and she would get better. She had to get better.
Then, tonight, I clicked over to her blog and read this.
My husband was sitting here on the couch with me when I read it. I threw my laptop down and just shouted “NO! NO!!”
I started to shake. I was in shock.
I then called a couple of friends who are also friends with Heather and we sobbed together in disbelieve.
It’s unreal. I still can’t believe it.
Every time I close my eyes to try to sleep, I think of Heather. I think of the last time I saw her– we were at the LA food bank, volunteering our time. She was so kind and wonderful to be around. Towards the end of the day, she got a phone call from her babysitter. Maddie had a fever. I saw the worry instantly sweep over her face. I told her it was okay if she needed to leave. I could just feel the love she had for her baby girl in that moment.
I keep thinking of the way she spoke of her daughter. I keep thinking of her sweet smile
Go Gathering, Los Angeles Food Bank
And then… I think of how her world just fell apart today. How she no longer has her baby girl to kiss or hug. I think of in the blink of an eye,everything changed. I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around the devastation she feels. The heartache. I hurt for her. For her husband. And for that beautiful baby Madeline who left this earth way too soon.
I don’t understand. I can’t make sense of it at all.
Please pray for Heather and her husband. They’re going to need all of the love and support we have to offer to help carry them through this horrible time in their lives.

29 thoughts on “Shock

  1. Fiona

    This is so incredibly tragic. There aren’t any words, I’m just so sorry and my heart goes out to her and her husband.

  2. Frannie

    This is the type of pain that only God can bring healing to. I pray for heather and her family. Maddie, may you rest in peace…I’m sure you’re having a ball with the big man upstairs. *xoxo*

  3. MAria

    I woke up to my baby crying and brought him out to the couch to nurse, annoyed that he was ruining my sleep. Then I opened up my computer and it felt like being punched in the face. I’m just hoding him now. I can’t put him down.
    I never met Heather or Maddie in person but I’ve been following along since I began blogging here in this circle of mothers. Just last night I shared her Flickr account with my good friend in town and we both talked about how beautiful Maddie was and how we hoped she’d feel better.
    This is devastating. So tragic. I just can’t believe she’s gone.

  4. Michelle

    I don’t even know that woman and when I went to look at her website, I started crying. Maddie is the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever seen.

  5. lani

    It’s amazing to me how this blogging thing shrinks or expands our world (depending on how you look at it). I don’t know you. I don’t know Heather. But I do know my heart aches today. I’m crying. And I’m so, so sorry.

  6. Mahala

    That just breaks my heart. Heather didn’t know me from Adam.. but I read her blog on feed. Whenever she posted pictures of Maddie, I’d call my cube neighbor over and we’d ooo and aaah over the pretty blue eyed baby with the huge smile. I wish I had something profoundly comforting to say…

  7. Kyla

    I met Heather at BlogHer last year, but didn’t really know her…still, I’m just shocked and heartbroken for them. It shouldn’t happen this way.

  8. Mermanda

    I just found out about this through your blog. My heart is shattered. I have never met Heather or Maddie but I’ve fallen in love with them through Heather’s blog.
    Maddie was easily the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. Looking at her big grin would warm my heart instantly. I would really like to help in some way, so please let me know if there is anything I can do. I know you and Heather are friends.
    It’s going to be hard to keep from crying at work… but I will definitely be mourning the loss of that sweet child for many days to come. 🙁

  9. Jess

    Oh no no no.
    I’m not a regular reader of the Spohrs but I’ve followed Maddie’s story here and there. I’m so heartbroken for them. How do you make any sense of something like this? I can’t do anything but pray for them and I will be doing that.

  10. Jessica

    I am sitting here crying now. I don’t know Heather at all, but her grief will be felt in every heart that has heard about the loss of her baby.
    I can’t get to her site to leave any condolences (it says the account was temporarily suspended?), so I hope she gets a chance to read this here when she’s up to it.
    Heather, I am thinking of you and your husband on this very sad day. I cannot imagine what you guys are going through, but know that this woman in Chicago is crying over the loss of your sweet Maddie.

  11. Mandee

    I don’t know Heather personally, and I’ve been walking around with a hole in my heart because of her loss. I can’t imagine how those of you who are real life friends feel.
    Obviously, given the response from the interwebs over the past 12 hours, there was just something about Maddie. Those big beautiful blue eyes. That wicked smile. I think most of all–her courage. She had to fight so hard just to be here and I thought she was over the biggest hurdle. It was just so out of the blue.
    The Spohrs, their families and friends will remain in my prayers and Maddie will remain in my heart.

  12. ginny

    i don’t know heather, but stories like this make my heart cry. i have not experienced this type of loss, but losses of the unborn, many a times. and a loss of a dream for a normal child. :- i am so sorry for her loss. please let her know we are thinking of her and her family and friends. life isn’t fair at times. * hugs *

  13. shelly

    So so so deeply sad. You need only be a parent yourself to cry for another you dont even know. How canlife be so cruel. Just heart breaking.

  14. Melody

    That is so so awful. I will keep them in my prayers (and will let them know this as well). What a horrific thing to be going through. 🙁

  15. Redneckmommy

    Oh Y.
    The pain is so overwhelming.
    I’m glad she has you as a friend to support her. She’s going to need all the support we can collectively muster.

  16. Jen from KY

    There’s nothing to say – I will be praying for them and for you and others to be able to support them as they need. I’m also going to be hugging my kids extra much today.

  17. Deb from NY

    I started reading your post with sadness and then I saw the picture of your friend and it destroyed me. I read her blog and love it, her and her beautiful baby. I am in utter shock. I feel like I know Heather thru her blog and I am a mess. God Bless Them.

  18. Hed

    That is seriously crappy of them to treat this particular site that way. Seriously crappy… sigh.
    I’m wondering if we could start another MOD page for them? Is there anything I can do to help?
    You can find me on facebook pretty easily, or just e-mail me.
    Much love,

  19. Whitney

    I am so sorry for your friend; While I would recommend hosting with Tubu, run by a Podcamp Pittsburgh organizer as an alternative, that only solves the future problem, not the emotional wreckage on top of an emotionally devastating situation that’s already occurred.
    I think we have to see what we can do- like a new March of Dimes page or chip in, or whatever we can do to try to help, and I think you are wonderful for bringing the community together like this.

  20. Sara

    My heart aches for her, as well. And the hosting situation just sucks. There are some difficult things to get by with hosting, though. If she were on a shared server her site could have been crashing other people’s sites.
    Tech support people are often clueless as f*ck, and have zero compassion. A better bet is always to contact the PR representative for the company rather than bothering with tech staff. PR people can give orders. Tech staff generally can only take them.
    Not excusing them by any stretch of the imagination. The emails you posted above and others that I’ve seen are totally heartless. There’s never an excuse for heartlessness.

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