October 14

Someone asked me how I planned on honoring my Grandpa today (the one year anniversary of his death.) The question knocked the wind out of me. I hadn’t given any thought to how I’d honor him today. In fact, I hadn’t even realized a year had passed since he died. It feels like it just happened yesterday. Because it still hurts my heart that he’s gone. I don’t cry as much, but the pain is still there. I feel guilty that I didn’t plan a beautiful way in which to honor his memory today. I decided to post something I had written early this morning while thinking of him. These are not the beautiful words he deserves, but they come straight from my still broken heart.
I miss the sound of your voice.
I miss the way you smiled at me.
I miss the way your eyes lit up when you saw my children.
I miss the way you wrapped your arms around them.
I miss listening to your stories. Even the ones you told over and over again.
I miss the smell of your hair gel when I hugged you hello and goodbye.
I miss calling you in the middle of the day for no reason at all.
I miss the way you’d get angry when someone dared to wear a hat inside of your house.
I miss your sarcasm.
I miss the way you’d look at me when I talked with nothing but love and admiration in your eyes.
I miss the way you’d spend hours talking to my husband.
I miss the white hankies you carried in your shirt pocket.
I miss the candy drawer.
I miss seeing your comb on top of your sink when I’d go to visit.
I miss the way you’d go through at least 10 names before you get the name of the person you were talking to right.
I miss the way your tongue stuck out when you laughed.
I miss the way you’d say “I love you, Y.”
I miss worrying about you when you walked up the driveway because I was afraid you’d fall and hurt yourself.
I miss asking my Mom how you were when I hadn’t talked to you in a few days.
I miss kissing you goodbye whenever we’d part.
I miss seeing your can rest beside you while you sat on my sofa.
I miss your surprise visits.
I miss your generosity.
I miss hearing you talk about Hank.
I miss the way you’d talk about your mother and how wonderfully she took care of you.
I miss your hands.
I miss your awful jokes.
I miss your perverted comments about women.
I miss you eating the turkey neck at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I miss the way you sat in your chair.
I miss sending you pictures of my children in the mail because I knew it would make your day.
I miss watching you enjoy Gabby singing a song, or the boys telling you a story.
I miss the way you’d get upset with me when I waited too long in between visits.
A year later, I miss every little thing about you, Grandpa.
And I think I always will.
My Opa.

13 thoughts on “October 14

  1. Nancy P

    You just don’t realize it but those WERE beautiful words. Also, I think you honor him always. You have mentioned him several times in your blog and the love you have for him and how much you miss him has come through all year.

  2. Eileen

    What a beautiful tribute. I started tearin up as I read your list because it reminded me of things I miss about my own Dad. He’s been gone for over 20 years and I still miss him. My Dad always had white hankies in his pocket, too. Like you, I honor my Dad every day and on the anniversary of his passing I take a quiet moment to myself and remember him and thank him for everything he did for me. Well done.

  3. Eileen

    Sorry about that last comment -I was trying to say I started tearing up and I spelled “tearin”. This post was a lovely way to honor your Grandpa -for today and all days. Great job.

  4. Ambry

    Lovely. Absolutely lovely. I shared my sentiments before, on your post “Writing While Sobbing”, about my equal love for my Grandaddy. I’m sure your Grandpa is honored you thought of him yesterday, & all the other days he enters your mind. I have to believe it is enough to think of them, & remember the good times.
    Maybe sometime I’ll be able to compose & write out my thoughts about my Grandaddy. Until then, I think he knows exactly how I feel.
    God bless.

  5. Kathy

    The first anniversary of my mom’s death was October 13. I didn’t plan anything special either, as a matter of fact I went to work like it was any other day. I regretted that, because it was a very difficult day. But reading your list of things you miss about your grandpa inspired me to think through all the things I miss about my mom. Your post is a lovely tribute in honor of your grandpa.

  6. Missy Tucker

    Very sweet. Made me tear up. It’s only been a few short 6 weeks since my own grandpa died. I love to hear you speak of YOURS because it’s a sweet memory of the close relationship of a grandfather and granddaughter. It helps me to know that even a year later, that the pain is a little more bearable. Thanks for that glimmer of hopefulness. Some of your special memories of your grandpa, are special ones that I too share of my own grandpa. Know that he is watching over you every day. Your own special guardian angel. He is STILL proud of you. And, one day, you’ll be together again. Hugs to you on this anniversary.

  7. bikerchick

    What a beautiful tribute to your dear, sweet, Grandpa, Yvonne. Thank you for continuing to share him with us. As often as you want to, we’ll be here. Heartfully yours.

  8. andrea

    Grandparents are such special people in our lives. I try to remember that when I get annoyed with my in laws. I try to remember that they are also C’s grandparents and maybe I should just let go of whatever annoyance for her sake because they are good grandparents.. just a different sort of people.

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