My Lovely Leggy Lumps

I have an appointment at 3:30 this afternoon to have the lump on my leg removed and biopsied.
Here’s the thing– I’m scared.
Not scared of what the results will be because I am purposely allowing myself to only be afraid of one thing at a time and right now that one thing is fear of the actual procedure.
Now, I know that in the grand scheme of medical procedures having a lump taken out of my leg is probably not that big of a deal. But, the thing is, I’m scared of any medical procedure that involves “needles” and “cutting” and “sewing back together.”
I’m also scared of the unknown. Like, are they going to numb me locally? Or will I have an IV? How deep are they going to cut? And how much are they going to take? And how big is the scar going to be? How much are the stitches going to hurt? Also? What if I have to pee halfway through the procedure? ARE THEY GOING TO LET ME GET UP TO PEE?
I’m also worried about my husband taking me because he doesn’t really know how to deal with these kind of things in a helpful manner. For example, his response when I tell him I’m scared is “don’t be scared!” or “quit making it a bigger deal than it is!” (Not very helpful.) And then, there’s that thing he said yesterday after my visit with the doctor. I was worried about what I was told during the visit (I have “protein in the fluid in the my eye” and that there shouldn’t be protein in the fluid in my eye. Also? She told me that I have A WANDERING EYE. WTF? WANDERING EYE?!) His response? “So, what’s the deal? Are you going blind?” Keep in mind- “blindness” had not even crossed my mind (yet, because it would have eventually.) When I pointed out that it was kind of mean to say that to me, knowing how easily freaked out I am about such things, he responded with “I was just trying to be funny and lighten the mood.
(Trying to be funny by suggesting you may be going blind! Because, get it? HAHAHA BLINDNESS!)

You can understand why I’m nervous about having him there as my “support system.” Yes? I know he means well, he loves me and my body more than he loves an ice cold beer and Band of Brothers (and that’s, like, A LOT.) But, you know, his idea of “lightening the mood” and my idea of “lightening the mood”… COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!
There is one other thing that I’m concerned about, but not the kind of thing you can just come out and ask people about.
Down There.
I’ve not had a lot of time to keep it Up To Code down there and well, is that something they’re going to be looking at? Like, are they going to let me keep the panties on? If not, I’m going to need an extra 20 minutes of shower time, so I really should stop writing now and get on that.
Thank you all for your comments and emails and messages. They mean the world to me and will help get me through all of my silly fears as I’m laying on a cold table (quite possibly panty-less (but please God, NO?). I don’t know what I’d do without you all.

26 thoughts on “My Lovely Leggy Lumps

  1. Nancy P

    Ahhh men are so stupid sometimes. Oy Vey. In my younger days I was so afraid of needles but good Lord I have had more shit done in the last 20 years that I have finally figured out it doesn’t hurt. AND you might just get some good “it doesn’t hurt at all” meds so ya know… My guess is that you get to keep your panties on.
    Ok, sending good vibes for your appointment and I say go get a really good carmel latte after!

  2. Karianna

    They will likely just numb it locally – they won’t want to knock you out completely. However, sometimes they can be persuaded to give you a little anti-anxiety juice in an iv if you really want.
    I’m afraid I’m an old pro at having stuff excised – even one that is very very close to my lady parts.
    No, I didn’t have the pee during the procedure, although keeping the area clean after surgery *was* a challenge because of the various things that happen there. But… I survived. And you will, too.
    Keep the wound clean and let it heal for 6-8 weeks before doing something like mederma for scarring (earlier and it won’t heal well in the first place.)
    Having your husband there will help afterward because you will not want to drive yourself home. I remember feeling kinda shaky on my legs, even though my spirits were high for having it over! Just bring earphones to block out his unhelpful comments. 🙂
    Seriously, you’ll do great. Yeah, it is scary – I totally understand. But once you are there, lying down, and breathing, you’ll be fine.
    Plenty of hugs. XOXO

  3. MariaV

    Sending positive thoughts your way, Y!
    I don’t have an answer for you, but I am sending you sympathy. I procrastinate about not being groomed “down there” on a regular basis.

  4. Cy

    Well, I am sorry you are going through all of this. Why can’t some men react the way we want them to, when we most need them?
    I think you mean ‘wandering eye,’ but I would think that is something you would have noticed by now.
    I don’t think they care what’s going on ‘down there’ but you should be comfortable! Good luck!

  5. Belinda

    The Males of the species are hard-wired to minimize things to make them feel better and that includes lame attempts at humour. That is why if one wants any sympathy and to just “talk it out” you need your women friends. I learned that one a long time ago lol. Also? If there truly is something that is found to actually worry about I found it was the men that freaked out the most and the women that kept their heads enough to talk me through it. Ironic no?

  6. Nina

    I’ve been thinking about you all day.
    Also…to perhaps lighten the mood (in a different way than PigHunter)…if you get to keep your panties on, maybe you should wear the backwards thong? Give them something to talk about during the procedure. Or not since you’ll be awake. but you know they would WANT to talk about it.

  7. Suzy Q

    If it’s an outpatient procedure, you’ll get to keep your panties on. Sounds like it will be local anesthesia, too. Hang in there, girl, you’ll be fine. Also, your doctor should have explained everything about the procedure to you, so I’m a bit annoyed at him/her for letting you get all anxious about this.

  8. Suzy Q

    Also, I just realized it’s only 1:00 where you are, so you can always call and ask all of your questions beforehand.

  9. eli

    I swear men need pacifiers or something! It seems though you take what he says much better than I do. Gads – I so over-react to my husband’s dumb/innocent, trying to help comments.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers!!

  10. Kyla

    Good luck. You can do it!!
    KayTar had a chunk of muscle pulled out to be biopsied when she was 3…if she can do that, I know you can do this. Just remember to breathe. 😉

  11. Amy

    Thinking about you, Y! Ditto to Belinda’s comment. My husband is incompetent when it comes to acting sympathetic. He is the sweetest and most loving man normally, but the two times I’ve had minor surgery (for problems that could have turned major) he actually turned into a bit of a dick. After expressing my dismay to my mother-in-law, she shed light on his behavior for me. Aapparently his father was the same way. It’s their asshole-ish way of dealing with fear, they simply can’t handle it.

  12. Pgoodness

    Yay for you facing your fears! 🙂 also, did she say wandering or lazy eye?
    Hope it went well!!! I’ve had a few surgeries, so happy to help if you have questions!

  13. DogsDontPurr

    Sending Big Hugs!!!
    I’m guessing that you probably just have a couple of cysts. They can get quite large and still be quite harmless. But it is good to get them checked out.
    Try not to worry. I know….that’s probably the most difficult thing.
    If I was your husband, I would make sure that you had a glass of wine waiting for you the moment you got home. Then I would insist you go lie down and relax while I did all the chores. I would check on you regularly to make sure that you are comfortable and have everything you need. (Geez…I wish my husband would do those things for ME!!! Ha.)
    Hey. You’ll be OK. We’ve got your back. Relax. Rest. You will be OK.

  14. Nancy R

    My husband had a cyst removed from his back over the summer. The Dr. did not specifically tell him to put ointment and a bandage on it every day, so he decided to ‘give it some air’…and the incision got all dried out, scabbed over, and the stitches were worthless…he had to keep using ointment and a bandage for another MONTH. And he has a scar which, neither of us care about but…still.
    So, moist-wound healing, my friend! Keep it moist with whatever ointment they give you AND keep it covered – even after it stops bleeding/oozing.

  15. Heather

    Wishing you luck and safety and good things…and as far as the grooming? As long as you’re clean, they will definitely not care. My mother’s a nurse, and frankly, they see so many naked people it’s totally passée 😉

  16. Rebecca Grace

    Just reading this now. I had to laugh about your husband’s “supportive comments.” It reminded me of my husband before my kids were born, cracking inappropriate jokes during childbirth class such as when the teacher asked, “What can you do to get on the nurse’s good side at the hospital?” and my DH shouts out “slip her a C-note!” and when the teacher suggested bringing some relaxing music to listen to during labor and my DH started singing “Push it — push it good!”
    Anyway, your procedure is all over and done with by now. I hope it wasn’t as bad as you were worried that it might be. Hugs and prayers that all is well.

  17. Cindy in Walla Walla

    I do believe men see it as their primary responsibility to protect us, and love us and problem solve for us. Somehow all those good intentions get scrambled between the brain and the mouth — that speech filter, it’s a not always working so well.
    So my advice to you, is keep reminding yourself that his comments are really his way of seeing you through this.
    And pssst Pig Hunter? Memorize something along these lines: Whatever happens, we can do this. You are a strong woman, and there is nothing, NOTHING we can’t handle together.

  18. Al_Pal

    Saw @VDog’s reply to your tweet of this.
    Good Luck & Best Wishes!
    If it helps, I broke my femur [thigh bone] & they had to cut my hip way open to put me back together–rod inside the bone, with screws holding it in place! So I’ve got a nice big scar there where the flesh had to knit back together.
    Your whatever is small in comparison, no? ;p
    Hope everything goes well for you!

  19. laura

    Oh man, your husband sounds like he could be my husbands twin. Seriously. I’ve had two MAJOR surgeries, and life was totally normal when I got home, like nothing happened. I wasn’t supposed to talk (throat surgery), move etc, and bc so ended back up in the hospitol for a week. Yeah, I hear you on this one, and if you could, I would’ve said take a friend. Hugs and many prayers to you!

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