Good Things Happen to Other People.

A few weeks ago I received an email that made me literally jump up and down with excitement. An opportunity of a lifetime– at least it felt that way to little ol’ unimportant me. I was asked to keep This Thing a secret, so I had to keep all of the joy and excitement to myself.
Oh, The Joy! Oh, The Excitement that was bursting deep within my soul!
I often thought of how exciting it was going to be to actually do This Thing. I had some doubts and fears– it was going to have to take a giant step out of my comfort zone, for sure. I was definitely nervous. But mostly? I was THRILLED. “Things like this don’t happen to me! I’m so lucky!” I would think to myself as I was driving, or doing laundry. Or while running on the MOFO treadmill.
Today, I received another email.
The thing that I was so excited about? This Thing I’ve been dying to tell people because IT IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME AND YOU WILL BE SO PROUD OF ME, EVERYONE!” This thing isn’t going to happen for me after all.
When I read the email, I felt sick to my stomach. And then? I started to cry. The Ugly Cry. The Snot Running Down My Face Eyes Swollen Shut Cry.
I was devastated.
I asked Tony to go get me a latte and a banana chocolate chip coffee cake because damn it all to hell. “Anything else?” He asked, in the delicate way he asks questions when I’m losing my shit.
“Yes” I answered. “Can you order me a better life?”
Then I cried some more.
I know, so dramatic. So over the top dramatic.
It’s just… I’m so tired of being disappointed, of things not going my way. I’m tired of getting my hopes up only to have them crushed.
Now that the day has passed me by, I’m no longer crying. I’m choosing to no longer focus on my hurt and disappointment, but instead to focus on learning from this experience. I’m trying to look at The Bigger Picture and figure out what it all means. I have to believe there is something to be learned from this experience.
There is a life lesson here, I’m sure of it. I’m just not so sure what that lesson is just yet.

34 thoughts on “Good Things Happen to Other People.

  1. CaliMama

    I’m so so sorry. If it is any consolation, I would definitely have Ugly Cried, too. I’ve been in a similar place just now, and letdowns are HUGE. DEALS. Your hope that you will learn and grow is an inspiration to me. Thank you. I hope things get better for you, too.

  2. jules d.

    De-lurking to give you a big, virtual hug. No profound words of wisdom, just a hug. Sometimes it helps….

  3. Y

    No matter what, I always have The Wonderful People Who Read My Blog. How lucky am I? Thanks, you guys. xoxo

  4. Angela

    I know that someone is going to jump in and say something about God closing doors and opening windows, so I won’t do that. I’ll just say this: I hate that whatever this is happened to you. Because I think you’re more than fabulous. (Also, for what it’s worth, please know that MANY of us are proud of you for MANY reasons. This Thing (or lack of This Thing) will not change that. Not at all.) Here’s hoping an even BETTER Thing comes along. Post-haste.

  5. Nancy O

    I’m sorry this thing didn’t work out for you. I really am and I feel that what I say next may be taken as an “oh well suck it up” & I promise you it is not meant even remotely in that vein.
    It is just that when you wrote “can you get me a better life” my first thought was “oh but Y you already have everything!” On more than one occasion when reading your blog or twitter I have wished SO MUCH I could be in your shoes. To have the kind of marriage I believe you have and the stability of love I get the impression your family has, well, oh how I envy that. And on top of it you are a kick ass photographer!
    I hate that this didn’t come through but I will not be surprised at all if something as great doesn’t present itself again. I hope it does. Hugs…

  6. Amie aka MammaLoves

    While I never want to hear about you being hurt and disappointed, I still marvel that you think of yourself as “little ole me.” You are AMAZING! And huge (you know as in blogging not in size) and do so many great things. I know we live in this weird blogging world, but you? You are real and true and dearly loved.

  7. Kyla

    I’m sorry, Y!
    Today I got a call that the doctor KayTar is supposed to see in June…The Doctor (one of the dwindling few) who might be able to diagnose her doesn’t take our insurance. Oof. It still may work out, but it was an unexpected sucker punch.

  8. pgoodness

    So sorry the big awesome thing ended up being a disappointment. 🙁 I’m sad for you, but maybe something better is coming??

  9. Elizabeth

    Something similar to this just happened to me, and it was a very icky feeling. I decided that it was for the best because it meant I should be doing something else, but sometimes I don’t want to learn that lesson. Sometimes I think I’d just like to be done building character and I’d like someone to choose me, instead of learning all these stupid lessons all the time. I feel your pain, lady.

  10. Angella

    Oh, Y. I know that feeling all too well.
    But I also know that you are awesome and you have done amazing things and will do MORE amazing things.
    Hugs, friend.

  11. Laurie

    I’m sorry the thing didn’t happen.
    You, however, are excellent and lovely regardless. Amie said it well above.

  12. Christina

    I’m so sorry the Thing didn’t end up happening for you. I’m sure I’d cry in that situation as well. Here’s hoping an Even Better Thing comes along for you soon!

  13. Starr Anderson

    I definitely understand your disappointment but if you think about it, it’s all about perspective. If it helps, I think you have a wonderful life with a family that loves you. Enjoy the good parts and leave the bad far behind.

  14. Michelle

    I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out for you. You are an amazing woman and I’m sure something even better is coming.

  15. Mir

    This wasn’t the right Big Exciting Thing, is all. The life lesson here is that we never have as much control as we wish we did, and sometimes things happen that well and truly suck, but most of the time we’re able to look back and say, “Oh, I see, now. Because if that thing had gone the way I wanted it to, this other thing that turned out to be awesome couldn’t have happened.”
    Unfortunately, the time and tears required to get there are still Very Unfun. 🙁 Feel better, sweetie.

  16. AJ

    I’m so sorry, Y! (((hugs)))
    I love how you said that there is something to be learned from this experience, somewhere, somehow. I am a HUGE believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it takes a while and may not be clear, but keep your eyes open.

  17. Ninotchka

    Sorry, luv. I really believe in letting things happen organically. Good and bad. Down the line it may all make sense but even if it doesn’t enough time will have passed that you will have moved on anyway and it won’t sting quite so badly. Hugs!

  18. Alison

    Oh my gosh I’ve done the ugly disappointed cry so many times in the past year. I graduated last year, and there have been so many ‘dream’ jobs that I have been thisclose to getting, and then for whatever reason, not gotten. So I have personal experience in how much that sucks, down to the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as it dawns on you that it is for real not happening.
    The weird thing is though, I’m glad all of those sucky disappointments have happened, because it’s made me a stronger person, and opened my mind to better opportunities that I otherwise might not have considered. It’s made me less afraid to try for stuff, since I know I can handle failure.
    Just my two cents, and I hope that things start going your way soon!

  19. ella

    Can you tell us what this “big thing” was?
    hee hee…
    I think we’ve all been there. Done that.

  20. Sarah the Bear

    Y, I’ve been reading your blog since Gabby was a 2 month old.
    She is now, by the way, a gorgeous child who has ideas and thoughts and the tools to convey them to you.
    Also, Ethan has turned into a fabulous musician and one of the best sports I’ve ever heard of. And Andrew, sheesh, he’s all grown up now! And he’ll be a policeman! A protector of us all!
    And look at you for pity’s sake! Maybe you haven’t sat down in a while to write a summary of this blog, or if you have, maybe you haven’t done it fairly. The short version is this:
    This is the narrative story of a woman, Y, raising three kids in southern California. She does not realize it, but the people around her think that she is fun, attractive, and talented. Throughout the blog, Y believes that she struggles with weight, but in fact, she struggles with an internal debate over what is healthy and what is beautiful. At this point in the Blog, Y appears to have realized that a certain pants size does not dictate sexiness, and that revelation brought about a new appreciation for taking care of her body. Recently, Y was, in her opinion, cheated out of a chance to participate in a life-changing event. I predict that Y will be upset, but hope that she will move on.
    My advice? Do something that you have control over. Go trace Gabby on a big piece of paper and spatter paint it. Try a new toenail polish color. Bake bread. Become a master overlord of SOMETHING so that when the things over which you have no control decide to act up, you have something to turn to. Cheer up and keep working for it, girl.

  21. Melissa

    I think Sarah the Bear said it perfectly.
    I am so sorry that you were disappointed. I really do wish good things for you because you deserve them. Please, please know that you are NOT unimportant. You bring a smile to the faces of those of us who have read your blog for years. Good things have happened for you and will continue to happen so don’t let life’s disappointments get you down. Plus, this thing? Maybe it would have turned out to suck sweaty donkey balls.

  22. Lucretia

    Oh hon.
    I keep coming back to this and trying to think what the right thing to say is… but I’m afraid it’s completely beyond me.
    So many times in life, from the first time being the last one picked for kickball (no you take her!) to so many times in my adult life when I have had my own reasons for that Ugly Cry that adds to a collection of heartbreaks.
    Yes, I’ve had my “no way!” moments. I have a husband and daughter that just make my heart sing. I have gone amazing places and met amazing people.
    I know we’re supposed to focus on the positive and look for silver linings – but sometimes you just have to admit that it sucks bigtime to really hope for something, to really want it, and then to find out that it’s just not happening.
    I hope it was the closed door that shows you the open window. (((hug)))

  23. eleanor53

    I hear you. I just had a huge disappointment also. I’ve gone through the process of being hired by the Board of Education and just when I thought I was in the door, a hiring freeze was announced. I am also tired of being disappointed. I wish I had something positive to say to you at this moment but I am currently going through my ‘ugly cry’ moment. I tend to believe that good things happen to others for a reason we just cannot explain. I am forever through with expecting anything. The disappointments hurt too much. I’m done.

  24. Jen

    You have a wonderfully blessed life, Yvonne, so I know you will have so many more amazing opportunities come your way. I’m sorry you had high hopes only to be disappointed.

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