Breaking the Awkward (For Me) Blog Silence

A lot has happened since the last time I posted.
Ethan joined a competitive basketball team and played in his first ever basketball tournament in Vegas. It was a thrilling experience for him and a heartbreaking one for me. I watched him sit on the bench, minute after minute while his coach walked passed him over and over again. He would look up, with hope in his eyes as his coach would turn his way. I imagine he was thinking “put me in, coach. I’ll knock a three down and tie the game like I always do!” But the coach would just walk past him and put the same player in he had just taken out. I wanted to punch that coach in the face. I wanted to grab my son off of the bench and scream “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE HERE, COACH!” and storm off with my son. Instead, I got up, stood in the corner of the room where no one could see me and I cried. I cried so hard because I know how much my son loves the game. I know how excited he was about the tournament. I know how badly he wanted to help his team out. One thing I’ve learned is that life isn’t easy, sometimes you have to fight hard for what you want, so I let my son sit there, as painful as it was for me to watch. The next game, the coach finally took my son off the bench and gave him a chance to play. In the very short time he was given to play (less than two minutes) he scored four points. I couldn’t have been more proud.
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My Grandmother was taken to the emergency room because she was experiencing pain in her abdomen and hadn’t been feeling well for days. While she was there, they discovered a tumor in her colon and spots on her liver. The doctors were able to remove the tumor. The next day, we were told it was malignant. A few days later we were told she had stage 4 liver cancer. Last week, she was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. She’s refused chemo and says she’s at peace with whatever happens next. I hope I can feel that way soon about the fact that I’m going to lose the strongest, most wise, loving, hard working, loyal women in my life to cancer.
My daughter turned seven years old. She had been counting down the days since May. “Mommy? How many more days until August third?” She’d ask, every single day. Sometimes, I’d get annoyed. “I just told you yesterday how many days!” “I’m sorry mommy.” She’d respond. “I’m just SO EXCITED to be seven!” She couldn’t fall asleep the night before her birthday. She tossed. She turned. She giggled. It was well past midnight by the time she finally fell asleep. I greeted her that morning with a kiss on her cheek. “Happy Birthday, sweet girl.” I whispered in her ear. She opened her eyes and smiled the most joyful smile. “Oh Mommy.” She said. “I feel different. I feel seven.
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Seven. It’s hard for me to come to terms with seven. Maybe it’s because I know how quickly seven turns to eight to nine, nine to ten. Then, one day you wake up and they’re eighteen, graduating from high school and never home because their are more important things to do than sit on the couch and talk to mom or go for a walk with mom or play a game of Trouble with mom. I don’t want to get caught up in the sadness of how quickly she’s growing because the truth is, I’m enjoying my daughter now more than I ever have. She’s blossoming into the most precious young lady, so full of love and life and humor. She reminds me each day how blessed I am in life.
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Not as important, but something worth mentioning… I ran 2.5 miles in boot camp. Four weeks down, two weeks to go. I haven’t lost much weight, but I have gained confidence, strength and a desire to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I guess you can say boot camp has been a success and everything I hoped it would be.

14 thoughts on “Breaking the Awkward (For Me) Blog Silence

  1. mommabird2345

    Yay, for wonderful milestones for your kids and you kicking butt in boot camp.
    I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost my grandma in May. It was, and still is, hard to believe she’s no longer here. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  2. Liz

    Only a couple of minutes and he scored 4 pts? That’s showing ’em!! I would be proud too.
    I’m so so sorry to hear about your grandmother, Y. Hope you’re able to spend as much time with her as you can in the weeks to come.
    I only wish I got half as excited for my birthday these days. haha!
    And way to go on your running! I saw you at BlogHer and briefly introduced myself at the CheeseburgHer party, but what I didn’t get a chance to tell you is that you looked fabulous. I absolutely loved that pink dress and even in person I could tell all the hard work is paying off. I hope to join you as soon as I get this stupid boot off of my stress-fractured foot.

  3. Roxanna

    So glad you blogged! I’ve missed you 🙂
    I completely hear you on the bittersweetness of your baby turning seven. Our oldest turned 12 in July and our youngest turned 10 on August 9th. I told my husband that we didn’t have the “buffer” child – the oldest one blazes the trail and the youngest is so fast on his heels that I feel like time is going WAY too fast. I’m so not ready for my kids to be this old, yet, like you, I’ve never enjoyed them more.
    Oldest left this morning for a week of sleep-away camp. Not sure how I’ll manage until Friday afternoon!
    (Congrats on the boot camp run!! That’s awesome!! Glad that you are still enjoying it and getting something out of it!!)

  4. Leah

    Your son is awesome! So sorry to hear about your grandma. I will pray for you and your family. Your daughter is just too cute. Way to rock boot camp! I’ve missed your blogging!

  5. Angella

    I’m SO PROUD of you – you’re working so hard!
    I also cannot believe that she’s seven!! Nathan turns seven on the 25th and he’s been counting down forever, too. 🙂

  6. JachiCue

    So sad to year about the bad, but happy to hear about the good. And extremely glad to have you blog, I enjoy reading it.

  7. Wendy

    So glad you’re back! Thanks for the update, although I’m sorry to hear things haven’t been as beautiful as you are. Thinking of you & your family…may you have continual strength in the days ahead.

  8. Jessica

    I’m so sorry your grandma has cancer – and I agree with you that she is showing the kind of grace and wisdom I can only aspire to. And stage 4 are scary words but only God knows how long your grandma is supposed to be on this planet with us and it could be a lot longer than you are imagining. Besides she sounds TOUGH! 🙂
    And about the blog absence – just write when you can and I’ll read every word twice.

  9. Hil

    I’m very sorry for your grandmother’s health but pray she is blessed with a peaceful time ahead.
    And as a coach to 5 k, then 10 k, now a month from half marathon person…..2.5 miles was huge! Great work! Adding a half mile on now will be easy. Good running to you.

  10. Laura Lohr | My Beautiful Life

    So glad you blogged. It sounds like boot camp is just what you needed to kick start your fitness. 2.5 miles is awesome.
    I hate it when coaches don’t give players a chance. It isn’t right. How are you supposed to get a better team if you don’t let everyone play.
    I am sorry about your grandmother’s health. Sending many thoughts and prayers for her and your family.

  11. lani

    And no wonder. You’ve had some pretty major stuff going on in your life during your hiatus! Wow. Hugs to you as you face some of the bigger things in life. Glad you’re able to still revel in the smaller and bigger good things going on in your life right now, too. Missed you!

  12. Blue Cotton Memory

    It’s tough when those who mean so much battle cancer. My heart and prayers are with you.
    Your daughter is adorable!!! My rule is you can’t mention your birthday until your birth month! Or until after the birthday before yours. After my little guy’s first day of fall- there’s not one until the first day of Spring.
    About Sports – I have seen so many flames burn bright early – and their egos implode in the early h.s. years. The ones who do sit on the bench a bit, well, they make it the long run – because they’ve learned humility and graciousness. I know how your heart feels – I’ve been there. It hurts all around:(

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