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November 07, 2002
you can't handle the truth

if you really knew me, you wouldn't love me, you couldn't love me.
i would disgust you.
i would repulse you.
i would anger you.
you tell me i'm beautiful? take a closer look. look into my eyes and into my heart and into my soul. you see the filth? you see the ugliness? now do you still think i'm beautiful? you don't know me, i do. and i can't stand me.
don't tell me not to say these things, i say them because they are the truth. you don't like the truth do you? neither do i, because it's ugly, because it's shameful, i am ashamed. i look at my body, fat and torn up, and i think, it's just a reflection of what is on the inside. i don't take care of it because i don't care. if i lost 50 pounds tomorrow, had my boobs done and a million dollar makeover, i'd still see an ugly person in the mirror because i know the truth. i know what's really underneath. you don't and if you did, you couldn't possibly love me.
it's late and i shouldn't be writing in this condition. i'll go to bed and be ok in the morning, at least i hope so because the way i feel right now, i want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep for a very long time.

Posted by Y at November 7, 2002 11:16 PM
Comments

Nothing anyone can say will make you change your mind, will it?

I will say this - you're one of the precious few who seem to understand that ugly is something INSIDE and not an external appearance. In my book, that makes you beautiful.

Posted by: Da Goddess at November 7, 2002 11:27 PM

Can I just second what she said? I haven't known you long, but you are one of the very few people I've met since blogging that I would open up my heart, my home, my wallet, and anything it was that you ever should need just because I think the world of you. I think you're beautiful, inside and out. And I still say that after seeing your feet. That has to count for something doesn't it? ;-) Hope you wake up to a much happier tomorrow!

Posted by: robyn at November 7, 2002 11:55 PM

Okay, why is it when I read you talking to yourself this way, I want to find you, hug you and tell you none of this is true? But when I say the EXACT things to me, I believe them?

Oy.

The INSTANT I read your blog, I added it to my links because I felt you were such a special person I would want to come by every day and say hi.

I hope tomorrow when you awaken, you will feel the love that we are sending you and TRY to let yourself feel that cyber-hug.

As Oprah says: Recognize that you were created as a human being who is worthy of happiness

Posted by: Robin at November 8, 2002 04:17 AM

I don't care if you were green with purple spots and had warts all over your long toes and had a hunch back. You my sweet girl are one of the most beautiful people I know. You're the sweetest thing ever and I love you!

Posted by: statia at November 8, 2002 05:56 AM

that's it...i'm coming, all the way from texas, and bringing my can of whoop ass to unleash on you.

(didn't i sound tough?)

y....you better hush with that talk. you rock, nuff said. people like you are so rare, you make all of us envious.

there, now....don't make me open up my can (beer can, that is).

love ya girlie ho.

Posted by: jen at November 8, 2002 06:19 AM

OK THAT'S IT!!!

*SMACK ACROSS THE FACE**

girl, you so stupid sometimes i need to straighten your fine ass out.

Posted by: dasheekeejones at November 8, 2002 06:39 AM

You forget, young lady, I've met you. You're not ugly. You're a lovely person outside, and you're funny and sweet on the inside, too. I agree with Statia, if you'd had big ass purple spots and warts, I would still tell people that I've met Yvonne, and she is gorgeous.

I realize that no one should let others dictate their self-worth to them, but um...in this case, you have to listen to us. :D

Posted by: skits at November 8, 2002 06:47 AM

So I followed link from pizzadreaming "show some love". I don't know you but here goes.
I tell you there are times I don't even want to leave my house. I have some moles on my face, I get acne breakouts bad, with stress. I have gained weight. Oh thank god, I have great bras I tell you after 3 children they don't look so hot.It was even worse when I had sucky hair style.

My advice step away from the mirror, when you realize your feeling ugly.
The light is always at the end of the tunnel sometimes it's just a little further to reach.

Posted by: Not ME at November 8, 2002 07:22 AM

Farce or Fact... I don't care... I can identify with the feelings that the words bring.

Posted by: Mantle at November 8, 2002 10:34 AM

You know, I don't think so many people would be trying to convince you otherwise if you were truly an ugly person. (And I mean ugly as in in the inside coz I've seen your pictures and know you are one hot momma). If I knew you better, I'd threaten to drive over and smack some sense into you (and since I'm in S. CA, I very well could do it) for thinking like that.

Posted by: Geri at November 8, 2002 02:15 PM

If you are reading this, then you read the previous 10 entries first.
Note the names, and those of the others that contacted you in other ways.
Think of what they mean to you, how much their opinions count to you.
Note the love, expressed for you at all hours of the day and night.

Now, Right Now, go put a brick through that usless piece of flawed glass that has upset you so, for they are the best, most true , and only reflection that need concern you.

That is all.

Posted by: Tys Miha at November 8, 2002 03:14 PM

yeh, what she said =)

ps, your boys are totally gorgeous

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About Y
My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 15 year old son, a 11 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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