is it illegal to use my 9mm in the garage to blast a rat to pieces?
the other night i woke my husband up at 3 am and told him someone was in the garage. i heard commotion, as if someone was moving around in ther. he checked (half assed) and said no one was there. i kept after him because i know what i heard. he blew if off to be being "paranoid."
last night he went to get his suitcase from the top shelf of the garage, and he got a little surprise. the suitcase was covered with rat shit. ohhhhhh now tell me i'm "paranoid", mr.y, say it, i dare you. sure, it wasn't a "person." but there was something in there. we have a mutha fuckin rat. but i swear to you people, this is not ordinary rat. this rat has to be the size of gary coleman! you shoulda seen the shit and i swear to god it sounded like he was moving furniture in there making it all comfortable for himself.
well now i can't sleep because i hear the little fucker. i want to load my 9mm, go into the garage and catch him moving my shit around in there. oh, i want to surprise the little rat! with my luck i'd catch him jerking off (do rats have cocks?) and i'd get sick. I'd start to puke and drop the gun. the lil shithead would make a run for it and a struggle would ensue. we'd be slippin around in my vomit and in his semen. but i'd win and i'd shoot the fucker right in the balls. then my neighbors would call the cops and i'd go to jail for shooting a rat. " i swear officer, it's NOT gary coleman, look, he has a tail!!" but he wouldn't believe me and i'd go to jail. that's the way things go for me. so i guess i'll stay in the house and hope the little shithead wears himself out soon so i can go to bed.
earplugs would be nice.
there are worse things you could find... check out my story of the Disappearing Condom Caper. Great post about your rat - one of the rare times I actually DID laugh out loud while reading a blog!