Dear dead potato who lies dead on my bathroom floor.
I wonder if you know how I am freaking the fuck out wondering how you got into my bathroom.
Do you know that everytime I walk by the bathroom, I get chills and dry heaves just thinking about how the fuck I'm going to pick you up and throw you away?
I wonder if you know how terrified I am that you exist. Even if you are dead because I took a giant wicker container full of magazines and threw it on top of you, you still haunt me.
Do you know that I will have nightmares now, and not be able to sleep because I have no fucking idea how the hell you got into my bathroom?
Do you even realise the mental anguish you have caused this psychotic pregnant woman?
Oh, dead potato bug why did you have to come into my bathroom and into my life?
Oh, dead potato bug how I hate thee and thine timing. My husband is out of town and I don't care if you're DEAD. I am not picking you up and throwing you away. I can't do it!!!
Fuck you, dead potato bug.
That's why you have sons. They aren't afraid of anything. make one of them throw it out.