Joy Unexpected | This Blog is Poison to Your Brains!

April 06, 2004

Mi familia loca

I've been spending the day with my family. My sister came over and we've been with my parents all day.

Sweet Jesus. It's no wonder I am the way I am.

My sister and my mother just got into a huge argument at the old folks home where my grandmother is staying. She asked if we wanted to go visit her and my sister told her no at first because my niece is deathly afraid of seeing old people in wheelchairs and with tubes of anykind on them. My mom swore my grandmother didn't have any tubes and that there weren't any people in wheelchairs around.

Riiiiiiight. As soon as we walk in, the hallways are littered with people in wheelchairs, with tubes all in them. My niece is freaked out, I'm gagging from the smell of piss in the air and my sister starts yelling at my mom, calling her a liar.

My sister starts yelling in the hall "MOM, do you know what I'm going to have to go through tonight trying to get her to bed? YOU TOLD ME GRANDMA DIDN'T HAVE TUBES IN HER NOSE!" My mom's yelling back. "I wanted her to see her great grandmother, she'll be fine." "But all of these old people in wheelchairs are scaring her to death, YOU LIED TO ME!"

I'm just standing there gagging, peeing a little and laughing all the same time. Only my family.

I love my family, I do, but they are all crazy.

Posted by Y at April 6, 2004 03:39 PM

Comments

A lot of people believe hell is not a place - more just an utter separation from God. If that's true, I say that heaven isn't so much a place, either. Just an utter separation from extended family.

I guess that means I agree with your mom, right?

Posted by: QC at April 6, 2004 03:43 PM

Don't worry Yvonne.
Myself, and a few others you know and like will be in hell with you.

I hear tell they have Tequila fountains, and that you're required to spill food on yourself.

Posted by: waistdog at April 6, 2004 04:07 PM

My mom, and well everyone because I was always at church, always said in heaven we wouldn't know each other as we do on earth. But then later, she was always telling me how sad I was going to be because I would be in hell and I wouldn't get to see my dad. (he died when I was little) It just confused me.

Posted by: NinaKaye at April 6, 2004 04:30 PM

I had a dream that I went to heaven last night.

Weird, no?

Posted by: Trishie at April 7, 2004 08:50 AM

I just found your blog tonight, and I just wanted to let you know some of your entries have made me almost pee my pants.

Reading this one I was laughing so hard I was crying. I would LOVE to see that scene enacted on a sketch comedy show like MadTV or something. It would totally work.

I was always afraid of going to see my grandma at the nursing home for the same reasons (old people with tubes, smell of pee mixed with Lysol, etc.) but I never made a scene out of it. (I do have my own crazy stories, though.)

Posted by: Stacy at April 10, 2004 08:32 PM

By the way, where I live, Hell is just a 45 minute drive south. There is a city in Michigan called Hell. It's not far from Ypsilanti. So, technically, I've been to Hell and back.

Posted by: Stacy at April 10, 2004 08:35 PM