Michael Moore

Period and yeast infection at the same time.

That was really hard to type. ew.

HA. damnit Yvonne! you're not allowed to answer your own question. you stole my answer!

back off, girl!

when your friend tells you she's having problems getting "moist" before sex

when your grandpa tells you that you look good from behind

I can do this ALL DAY LONG

when your mother talks about her vagina

cleaning the toilet at work at night when there's a pubic hair on the seat.

clipping klingons from around my cat's ass b/c she's too fucking cat to clean herself properly.

er, fat. not cat.

Puking up rice.

watching your dog eat the rice puke

dude, thanks for the heads up on your move...sheesh....i find the site, like, a million years later...now i know just how much you love me poop....pfft!

finding KY jelly in your mother's bathroom

waking up because your bedmate farted so badly your nose was violated in the middle of the night.

I can one up you on that one, reese.

finding CROTCHLESS PANTYHOSE and a clit clip in your mother's drawer underwear/sock drawer.

uhm.. am i the only one that read that as you find a pubic hair in your bloody mary... as a child? you're such a rebel y!

when your friend tells you she'll give her boyfriend blowjobs even after he hasn't showered or changed his underwear for 3 days.

This one still gets me after 10 years... and it was just a story that was *related* to me... ugh, I already feel my tummy rebelling...

A classmate of mine told me about the time she went to a party and went up to the food/drink table. There was one glass left and as she was talking to her b/f, she she got her Coke and a plate of goodies. She thought it tasted a little "off", but thought it was because she had brushed her teeth before coming.

Beeing a thirsty gal, she polished it of really quickly, and... weird... there is something in the bottom...

The hostess came by the table and says "Oh, hmm - where's my glass? Oh well" and grabs another one that was hidden in the back...

...then proceeds to hack and clear her throat and basically sound like a cat with a bad furball and then spits the resulting goo into her glass...

OK, I gotta go think happy thoughts now...

Cleaning the toilet seat at work when there is [B][I]DARK YELLOW PISS[/B][/I] on it from a vengeful male customer who didn't like having to fill out a form to use the tanning bed. ::Shudders::

Forgive the brackets; I spend too much time at message boards using "UBB Formatting" instead of HTML. :o That should read DARK YELLOW PISS. And yeah, that was grosser than gross.

when a cheerleader does a toe touch and 5 class rings fall out.

What is grosser than that?
When one of them is her own.

Having your best friend's mom hand you her vibrator, saying "Hey, can you get this open? I need to change the batteries."

What's worse than that?

Having her dad come bounding up the stairs yelling "Woman, get those batteries changed NOW!" as he stripped down to his boxers.

Excuse me, I need to go find a happy place now.

finding your dad's porn.

Leo, that's no big deal. I found my dad's porn and WATCHED IT. ;-D

CUMFRUIT THAT'S WHAT.

DUDE. oh my god. I have no other words for that.

Being awoken by the sound of your Great Dane (who shares your bed with his head at your feet and his ass pointed at your face) farting...a fart that lasts long enough to wake both you and your husband out of a sound sleep and then a few extra seconds for it to really sink in. Fart finally ends and my husband's head drops back to the pillow and he says "Well, it was nice knowing you, hon."

And from a dear high school friend: politely asking and then later *telling* a customer that she has to finish up in the dressing room of the retail mall clothng store where you work because it's fifteen minutes past close. She keeps you waiting another fifteen minutes and when security is on the way over, she exits huffily. You return to the dressing room to find 50 items crumpled on the floor...with a used tampon sitting right on top! Whee!

CUM SHOTS in kiwis?

people actually do that???
How about the 'milk' of women?
(just curious!)

I am so not going to be able to eat today.

Yes, we call this the Yvonne diet plan.