Joy Unexpected | Marvel at the Dullness!

April 19, 2005

Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this

Gabby's naptime is also known around these parts as Time To Do Everything You Can't Do While She's Awake. That's when I'll shower, do laundry, pay bills, check my email, write something, read something, and occassionally, take a dump.

I say "occassionally" because I'm not very "regular" I can go DAYS people.

Today, I was happy to "feel the urge" and decided that I would make a visit to the bathroom as soon as I layed Gabby down. It didn't work out that way because the urge went away, so I called my sister instead.

Twenty minutes later, The Boss Of Me woke up and instantly, The Urge came back. Dang it!

I couldn't hold it til the next nap, so I was forced to come up with a plan on how to take a dump while the girl was awake.

I decided to set her bouncy seat in the doorway and leave her there whilst I did my business.

I was a little uncomfortable at first, which is weird, considering I shit a little during the birth of all three of my babies. Yeah, that's right, they don't tell you about The Birth Poopie during childbirth classes. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live. Pushing my first baby out and screaming "I THINK I WENT POOP" and the nurse telling me "No, you didn't, keep pushing!" WHILE SHE WAS WIPING MY ASS. I'm so glad we captured that moment on FILM.

I got over my discomfort pretty quickly and proceeded to take my dump while my daughter jumped, laughed and waved "hi" to me. I sat there on the toilet, waving back and clapping all the while doing my business.

The moment went from slightly odd to TOTALLY AWESOME when Gabby got quiet and I heard a huge grunt, followed by a severe fart, followed by another grunt.

MY DAUGHTER WAS TAKING A DUMP WITH ME.

I started kicking my legs and shouting "YAY! GABBY'S POOPING WITH MOMMY! YAAAAAAY!" and she started clapping and saying "AYYYYY".

I wanted to leap off The Pot and squeeze her so freaking hard, but, for obvious reasons, I couldn't. But as soon as I finished My Business and washed my hands (for 30 seconds, like Oprah instructed me to do), I picked her up, ran up and down the hall and kissed her stinky little cheeks until I was all puckered out.

(Of course, I changed her diaper as soon as we were done celebrating Our First Simultaneous Poop)

Posted by Y at April 19, 2005 10:36 AM

Comments

Ha ha! Congratulations! As I've always uh... said... A family that poops together, stays together!

-H

Posted by: hed at April 19, 2005 11:43 AM

Oh, now that's funny - and COOL! LOL!

Posted by: Lisa at April 19, 2005 11:47 AM

I want to poop together with my baby. Your baby loves you more.

Posted by: the sarcastic journalist at April 19, 2005 11:49 AM

You really don't poop with a kid in the room all the time? What am I doing wrong? I haven't pooped alone in 3 years!
And yeah, they should really tell you ahead of time that you WILL crap into your doctor's hand. And that he will just wipe your ass and hand the stuff to the poor nurse. I think that was my stinkyest poop ever...

Posted by: Tammy at April 19, 2005 11:53 AM

Haaaa!

Posted by: Jenny at April 19, 2005 12:25 PM

Thanks for solidifying the sole reason why I FEAR childbirth!! Fear people... FEAR!

Congrats on your simo-poop.

Posted by: Steph at April 19, 2005 12:28 PM

I haven't pooped alone, or done anything else alone in at least 2 1/2 years. The fact that the bathroom door was torn off the hinges doesn't help that much.

I don't think I pooped when I gave birth because I'm pretty sure my husband would have yelled "you just shit! you nasty bitch! you just shit on the doctor!!" because he's sensitive like that.

Posted by: NinaKaye at April 19, 2005 12:30 PM

Steph, don't fear the poop. By that point, You could shit on his head and he could wear it like a hat and you probably won't care.

Posted by: the sarcastic journalist at April 19, 2005 12:39 PM

Hahahahhahahahahahah. That was some pretty funny 'shit' Y. Whoever is scared and fears childbirth because of the 'shitfactor' don't be scared it doesn't happen to all birthing women. It certainly didn't me and I was really scared about that. However what Sarcastic Journalist says is totally true. Your main goal will not be worrying about shitting on him it will be GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME NOW BEFORE I KILL SOMEONE. Or you could just have an epidural and you won't care either way.

Posted by: Kristina at April 19, 2005 01:42 PM

Only you would post this. And it's great. :-)

Posted by: Rebecca at April 19, 2005 02:54 PM

By the way, you were totally copying me! Biznitch!

Posted by: the sarcastic journalist at April 19, 2005 03:06 PM

it's trus, SJ... I was getting you back for copying my boobie drawings. And for copying dooce.

Posted by: Y at April 19, 2005 03:28 PM

Aw...precious moments.

Stinker describes her poos, like ooh, that's a snake, ooh that's a cow! Potty training is so lame, it's nice that I get some free entertainment from it.

Posted by: MollieBee at April 19, 2005 04:05 PM

ROTFL! I was warned by a friend about the birth-poopy, but then I had a c-section (unplanned) so i was spared that indignity.....

Posted by: Redhead Mommy at April 19, 2005 04:14 PM

My childbirth instructor actually DID tell us about pooping while giving birth... she said "no big deal, happens all the time". I think I signed a contract when I gave birth to never pee or poop alone again. Even if my hubby is home when I go to the bathroom to watch my baby, she comes crawling in to find me because she cannot bear to have her mommy out of her sight for a moment!

Posted by: Lisa at April 19, 2005 05:53 PM

ooh fer chrissakes! this is so gross, but I'm laughing with tears in my eyes....

Posted by: etherian at April 19, 2005 05:59 PM

I think all women that get csections should have to poop on the table during the six week checkup.

I think it is only fair.

Posted by: the sarcastic journalist at April 19, 2005 07:24 PM

That's togetherness :)

Posted by: Mellissa at April 19, 2005 07:42 PM

Precious.

Posted by: Autumn at April 19, 2005 08:38 PM

Aww!

Posted by: Christine at April 19, 2005 09:27 PM

what an awesome picture ;o) (it's in my head, you know..) and i totally know how AWESOME a decent shit can be. i'm the same way and can totally go days without one (not that i feel all comfortable with that..). how do you think i hate my man who usually goes like TWICE a day. or my friend who, whenever we have dinner, lunch, brunch, breakfast, whatever together will "excuse herself" after like 20 minutes.... hate them.

Posted by: kim at April 19, 2005 11:45 PM

This is the ONLY time I will say I'm glad I had a c-section. But honestly, I'd trade the pooping in the doctor's hand over having my uterus laid out on top of my stomach so it can be stitched back up.

What a touching bonding moment for the two of you. I'm jealous, I've never pooped with my son and now that he's 12, it would just be too weird.

Posted by: Heatheranne at April 20, 2005 03:41 AM

lmao.... you crack me up! Love you!

Posted by: Sandee at April 20, 2005 04:35 AM

Wow. That wasn't in "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

Posted by: Maine at April 20, 2005 08:19 AM

I'm so happy I got to see the birth of our niece before our little one arrives. She had The Birth Poopie and when she asked if she was pooping everyone just kind of stood there in shock and I quickly said, "No." We haven't taken a birth class yet but I sure don't remember reading that in What to Expect When You're Expecting or any of the other million pregnancy books we've been reading.

Posted by: Tre at April 20, 2005 11:00 AM

Tre, you are a good woman. The correct answer to "am i pooping?" is always (at least during birth) NO.

Posted by: the sarcastic journalist at April 20, 2005 12:08 PM

that's one pooperific story! ;)

Posted by: fran at April 21, 2005 07:57 AM

My chillin, please do not poop. The Lord looks down on those who poop and cheer. Amen.

Posted by: Pope Smoking Pope at April 21, 2005 10:57 AM

HaHaHa, that is so funny! I haven't had the joy of simultaneous pooping yet, but I know what it is like to not be able to go to the bathroom in peace. If I shut the door, my youngest stands there and pounds/cries/screams until I am done. As for the labor poopy, I think I did with my first one, but after 36 hours of labor you just really don't give a shit (haha) anymore what happens as long as that kid comes out before it starts school, lmao!

Posted by: Jen T at April 21, 2005 04:24 PM