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May 11, 2005
Letting go

My sister recently told me I look pretty without makeup.

Being the kind of person who can't take a compliment, because, seriously? How could anyone say I look pretty without make up and MEAN IT? I didn't believe her. However...

I decided that I'd trust her. My sister always has my best interest at heart. She'd not say something she didn't mean.

So, I stopped wearing foundation, only a little powder. (You can tell in the recent pictures of me, the SHINE is out of control) I also toned down the eyeliner, and bought a more natural lipstick. I felt very uncomfortable and akward at first. I felt somewhat naked and yes, ugly.

Last night I took a picture of myself with a totally clean face. No powder. No lipstick (hello? Upper lip? Where in the HELL did you go?) No mascara. Nothing.

At first, it was very hard for me to look at. I saw nothing but flaws.

I started to pick my face apart and then, I stopped myself.

Everyone has flaws. No one is perfect. That's life.

I really need to get over myself and stop with the vanity insanity.

This is the face I was born with, it's the face I'm going to die with. I need to learn to accept it and like it, EVEN IF it's not as pretty as I wish it was, even if my upper lip took a hike and got lost.

WHO CARES!? And more importantly, why do I care so much? Life is so much bigger than one's looks.

I've gained weight. I have stretch marks. My breasts are large and saggy. I have wrinkles and yes, I'm getting gray hairs. I have dimples in my ass and have I mentioned, my upper lip is gone?

So what! I'M OVER IT.

My looks do not define me. Why have I wasted so much time struggling with this issue? I've let it ruin my life in so many ways. I am healthy, I am happy, I am loving, I am a mother. So many wonderful things, I am. So why I have chosen to focus so much of my energy on something as trivial as my appearance?

Ridiculous.

Enough already.

Seriously.

Posted by Y at May 11, 2005 12:31 PM
Comments

I think you look great without makeup! You look so YOUNG too - you don't have any wrinkles!

Posted by: Laura at May 11, 2005 01:48 PM

You have great skin and beautiful eyes!

And a fabulous smile too! You're very lucky.

Posted by: ella at May 11, 2005 02:03 PM

Great eyes, pretty eyebrows, killer smile. Now go write that on the board 100 times. ;^)

Posted by: Beth at May 11, 2005 02:05 PM

I was afraid if I posted this, it would seem as if I was fishing for compliments.

I wasn't. Not at all.

I just really felt like I needed to tell myself to get over it... there are more important things I should be spending my energy on.

Posted by: y at May 11, 2005 02:22 PM

You're GETTING grey hairs? Just now? at your age?

Damn you! I've been going gray since 19, it sucks assss.

And your skin? Beautiful!

I'd never take a picture with me not wearing make up (unless it was a really really really good day which hardly ever happens)

You're beautiful, now tell me how to get my face clear like that! :D

Posted by: Stacey at May 11, 2005 03:20 PM

ok, so the next time you say you're not going somewhere or doing something because you're too fat, i'm going to give you the link to this post :)

you ARE beautiful, with or without makeup, and i'm glad you're finally starting to see that.

Posted by: geeky at May 11, 2005 03:37 PM

Oh Y, I think you are so beautiful and such a good mommy. Being a woman, I know it hard not to look at yourself and find flaws. Hell, I do it every day. But I think that you are BEAUTIFUL. If I had a penis... well, nevermind... I won't take it there, but you get the point, I hope

Posted by: Annie at May 11, 2005 04:15 PM

Y, you're gorgeous no matter what.

Your post reminds me of when the fabulous Vince Vaughn was asked if he could change something about his appearance, what would it be? He answered, "Where do I start? No—you've just got to shake hands with who you are and move on. That's life."

I love that.

Posted by: Christine at May 11, 2005 04:16 PM

Damn! I wish I looked that good with out paint on my face. You are waay too hard on yourself. I think you look great.

Posted by: Jenn at May 11, 2005 05:13 PM

good for you! i think you look great. :o)

Posted by: zee at May 11, 2005 05:34 PM

Y, you a very very pretty sans makeup and youre right, we are our own worst critic. I'm glad your rethinking your take on self critisism - just think about how much of a difference it will make with Gabby. My best friend's mother was so self critical and in turn, made my best friend so self critical that she suffered with debilitating depression (not the only reason for the depression but certainly a very big mitigating circumstance). It took a long time for her to love herself - and when she finally did, she felt free, and really began to live. You need to be the best you - and that doesn't mean skinny or made up with makeup. Just remember that there are a lot of people that love and support you - people that you have never even met - people who *heart* you for your wit and humor and heart. There is much more to you than your skin. But chica, the skin youre in, is beautiful.

Posted by: Aim at May 11, 2005 05:38 PM

I know you're not fishing for compliments, but I just wanted to say you are beautiful, and I would kill for that skin. No dark circles either, very impressive.

Posted by: Kris at May 11, 2005 05:47 PM

I think you're beautiful, absolutely beautiful, inside and out. In any case, remember these lines from Leonard Cohen's "Anthem:"

"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in. "


Posted by: Mamacita at May 11, 2005 05:50 PM

Amen! I think you are beautiful in many different ways including your outward appearance. I should print out your post and make it MY new mantra!

Posted by: Eden at May 11, 2005 05:56 PM

I look at that picture and I see gorgeous eyes, shiny hair, and flawless skin. I also know, without a doubt, that if it were me I would see all the flaws. I am so glad that you can look at it and know that the flaws aren't all that's there.

Posted by: Annika at May 11, 2005 05:57 PM

You are very beautiful...and have gorgeous eyes...and your little one has your eyes.

Enjoy life!

Posted by: Lujza at May 11, 2005 09:46 PM

Now that you have dealt with this issue, can you please give me a clue? How can I do this? How can I look at myself and not feel like I do? It's so hard, and yet you have taken a very hard step and saw yourself for who you really are to other people... beautiful without makeup, inside and out.

You should be so proud of yourself.

Posted by: Mari at May 11, 2005 09:54 PM

I don't care if you weren't fishing for compliments. You're going to get one anyway -

You look beautiful without make-up.

Now take one sans make-up but WITH a smile!

Posted by: Mellissa at May 12, 2005 01:15 AM

Lucky girl! You naturally have the flawless skin tone and shiny hair that people spend tons of money to look like they have. At least you know that if you are running late, you can just go sans makeup and still look gorgeous!

Posted by: Shelby :) at May 12, 2005 06:13 AM

You are all that, and I think you are beautiful, and I made that conclusion from that picture.

Posted by: kimmie at May 12, 2005 09:48 AM

You ARE beautiful! Make-up or no make-up! Your sister is right! And so is everyone else who posted. Plus, you have the most beautiful healthy family that adores you!

I am so jealous!

Posted by: halloweenlover at May 12, 2005 08:48 PM

Good for you!!! And yes--you ARE lovely!

Posted by: Psycho Kitty at May 12, 2005 08:53 PM

you are beautiful! and all the rest of it. and i'm glad you finally found out what we all have known for so long ;o)

Posted by: kim at May 13, 2005 01:47 AM

I know you don't believe me when I say this but... when I met you in person in San Diego... I really thought to myself how pretty you were and cute. The way you talked about yourself gave me this image in my head that was totally contradicted by the person I met. You looked beautiful and sweet and pretty and even with Gabby bulging out of your tummy... you were cute ...and much smaller than you had me believing.

Eye of the beholder my dear. :)

Posted by: sphinxy at May 13, 2005 11:32 AM

you are belissima!

Posted by: Sandee at May 13, 2005 08:04 PM

I am watching Tracey Ullman show, and it dawns on me that you kinda look like her. Something about her reminds me of you anyway....maybe its that she is funny.

Posted by: Galestorm at May 14, 2005 06:50 PM
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About Y
My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 15 year old son, a 11 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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