Funny thing about mental illness is that months of happiness, months of fighting for your sanity, months of learning to deal with the depression, anxiety, stress and panic all in a constructive manner, months of fighting so damn hard for your family and for you happiness can all come unraveled and shredded to pieces in a matter of one day. How you can literally "lose it" in a split second, and suddenly, you doubt all of the progress you've made. Once again, you feel weak, you feel helpless, you feel like ripping your hair out, or beating yourself in the head until you pass out. -November 19,2004
I'm sad today.
The kind of sad I can't shake.
The kind of sad that makes me cry over things that shouldn't make me cry.
But if anyone called and asked how I was, I'd say "I'M FINE! GREAT! Did you see tom cruise on Oprah?"
Because I don't like to burden people with my sadness.
I know it's just a passing thing. Kind of like the gas I passed last night while Tony was rubbing my back.
It was The Longest, Most High Pitched Fart I've ever ripped. And I did it right in Tony's face.
I should have died with embarassment, or felt shameful.
Instead? I looked at him, said "Yeah. I farted. JEALOUS?"
Then we laughed so hard, I peed a little.
Yeah. I peed a little. JEALOUS?
A pee'r AND a farter. JEALOUS? (I could go on for hours with that, but I won't.)
Thinking about that makes me laugh, which is good, because I'm tired of crying already.
I think I'm going to call tom cruise! Vitamins? Ha! Fart in the face of someone you love! THAT will cure your depression!
Wow. I SO did not expect this to turn into a post about gas. Funny how my brain works. At least I'm not crying anymore.
I've been very sad lately too. And having panic attacks, but I think that's because I just quit smoking.
I'm going to go eat some beans.