My First Night Out With a Friend post Gabby was awesome.
Jamie Kennedy is hilarious and I could easily fall in love with him if it weren't for the fact that he looks EXACTLY like my littlest brother. And when I say "exactly" I mean "exactly".
The comedian who opened the show, Tom Segura, was extremely funny. I've added him to the Short List of comedians I love. He should feel special.
I missed Gabby and the boys, but I didn't call 20396 times to check on them like I thought I would. I only called ONCE! And that picture wasn't even set up! It was completely real and sincere!
The night was not without Suckage, but nothing serious. The biggest suck of all was the second comedian. Oh, it was painful. I felt sorry for him, man. The funniest suck was what I like to call The All Time Greatest Squish The Foam moment in history. My friend who L-O-V-E-S her some hot wings, ordered a plate of hot wings for dinner. Well, imagine the HORROR when the waitress came back with the order and set THIS on the table.
ARE THEY SERIOUS? Four wings and 2 token celery strips? She was pissed. I was laughing.
"SQUISH THE FOAM! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!"
She didn't "squish the foam" but she did inform the waitress that they need to "put that on the menu" ("that" meaning "$7.95 only buys you FOUR WINGS!)
I did have my first taste of Devil Water since finding out I was pregnant in 2003.
As you can see, that made me happy.
You know what else made me happy?
That I didn't let The Fat win. That I'm no longer letting The Fat control me. The "old me" would never have left this house to go out and have fun because "I'm fat and I have nothing to wear and all the skinny hot people will throw up when they see me" (And trust me people, skinny, hot people LOVE to go to the Improv and MAN do they love to show off their fake boobs and artificial tans.) But the New and Improved me refuses to NOT LIVE MY LIFE because of my weight. Instead of being ashamed of how I look and my size, I choose to be proud of myself for how hard I've worked to lose 55 pounds. Yeah, I still have 50 more to go, but I choose focus on how far I've come rather than how far I have to go.
I realize there will still be people who look down on me because of my size, but for the first time in a long time, I also realize that they can fuck off because this isn't about other people. This is about me living my life to the fullest, no matter what size I wear. I'm so over obsessing about what others will think about me and the size of my ass. Life is too damn short for that nonsense. (but if we're talking about going to the beach, or any place where a swimsuit must be worn, that's not considered "nonsense" because HELL NO am I ready to display my ass at the beach yet.)
It probably sounds stupid to most people, but to me? It's a change of life. I've had such a screwed up way of thinking and I'm working hard to change it.
I've always believed for some fucked up reason that I can't do things other people do. Things I want to do? I don't even try because "I'm too fat." "I'm too slow". "I can't afford it." "I'm not good enough."
What a sad way to go through life. Not even trying for fear of failing. For fear of "looking stupid". For fear of "what will people think."
To believe you can't just because you're you.
Well, last night really opened my eyes to so many things. I'm sick of the time I've wasted with that bullshit. So, in honor of trying things I've always wanted to do but didn't because I think I suck too much to succeed? I called Authur Murray dance studios to get information about Salsa lessons.
That's right, I want to learn to dance Salsa and I'm GOING to learn how to dance Salsa.
Turns out, this was so much more than "A night out" for me, it was a, how does Dr.Phil say it? "A defining moment in my life".
Yay you! As a recovering big girl myself (lost 100 pounds in 2002-03), I know how those mental hang-ups can keep you from doing things you want to do. And the self-doubt doesn't necessarily go away when you lose the weight, either - fixing your body doesn't fix your brain. But signing up for salsa lessons? KICKS ASS.