I've always "marveled" at my husband's ability to make the purest, most innocent statements totally perverted.
"I'm hungry!"
"I've got a nice, long tubesteak that'll fill you up!"
"Man, I'm tired."
"I've got a shot of protein for you, come and get it".
"Man, my back hurts."
"Well, my knee hurts... My W-E-Enee. Wanna rub it"
The girl on the commerial "It's like a mouth full of joy..."
"I've got your mouth full of joy RIGHT HERE!"
Then there's the whole way he twists things I say into what he wants to hear.
What I say "Can you please rub my back?"
What he hears "Can you please take my top off, unhook my bra, pop a boner and hump my leg?"
Where am I going with this anyway?
Oh, yeah, my husband's got The Gift of Perv.
Too bad for him, he's a gifted perv who still possesses a Weapon of Mass Fertilization, because there's only so much I'm willing to do with that thing still active.
(And yes, he's STILL on "the waiting list" so it's still going to be a while before any boinking is going down in this house!)
My husband never listens to me when I talk because he's too busy playing his online games, but when I do hit his arm enough times and say, "Scratch my back for me," I get my shirt taken off, my bra taken unhooked and my boobs fondled. That's not exactly scratching my back. I mean, if he did a good job I might let him touch them anyway!!