I've not been well these past few days.
I've been physically sick. My kids have been sick. I've been overwhelmed emotionally.
I don't sleep at night because of my heart. It races, and I jump out of bed, afraid I'm going to die.
Panic attacks? Stress? A bad heart?
I don't know, but it scares me.
I've been able to deal with everything fine, until right now. Because right now, my son, who has been sick all morning, screamed from the bathroom just now.
"Mom, I think I'm bleeding. I'm dripping blood."
I run to the bathroom, look in the toilet and yeah, he's bleeding.
My heart sunk and I panicked. Yes, I panic easily, but he's my child and I don't like my children to bleed. Especially out of places their not supposed to bleed.
Maybe it's nothing, but maybe it's something.
I can't deal with "Something."
I googled "blood in stool".
Not a good idea. I saw words like "cancer" and "disease".
He's scared. He's in a lot of pain. I'm trying my best to comfort him and reassure him that everything will be fine.
It's not easy to do when I'm just as scared as he is.
My children, they are everything to me. It sounds so cliche, so cheesy, so whatever you want to call it, but, BUT they ARE the reason I get out of bed every morning, excited to face the day. They ARE what I live for.
Since I was 22 years old, I've spend each and every day of my life trying to keep them happy, healthy and safe.
The mere thought of something going wrong with their bodies makes me sick with fear.
I talked to my sister on the phone right now and told her how scared I am about what I saw. What she said helped ease my fear somewhat. I'll feel much better when we see the doctor this afternoon and he says "It's nothing to worry about, he'll be fine."
Until I hear those words? I'll be a complete wreck.







Depending on where the blood's coming from (ahem), it could also be a UTI or bladder infection. Or perhaps an ulcer.