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August 17, 2005
I've got a "candle" for you and I know a "great place" you can shove it

I can not remember a day in which the retrival of the mail has brought me as much happiness and joy and THANKS TO THE LORD as it has today. (Am I being sarcastic? Am I being sincere? May I give you a lap dance for 20 dollah?)

For today, I recieved an invitation to a Party Lite party and my electric bill!

Let's start with the Party Lite invite, shall we? I'll admit, I was extremely excited and felt a little tingle between my legs when I saw the little blue sticker with the words "you're invited to a girls night out" on the envelope.

"A girls night out! I bet there will be wine! And games! I'm SO there, man!"

I got a little ahead of myself, because I open it up and it's all "Come to my candle party!"

Translation: "Come waste gas driving to my house up the hill so you can waste more money on candles so I can earn FREE shit. Try not to hold the fact that I didn't go to your sons birthday party, nor did I go to Gabby's birthday party, nor did I even CALL YOU to acknowledge that I got the invitations against me because, well, I'm giving you the chance to buy shit and to help me earn free shit and, like, OMG, WE'RE TOTALLY GOING TO PLAY PARTYLITE FAMILY FEUD!"

Yeah, like Party Lite Family freaking Feud makes the fact that I haven't heard a word from you in over 8 months TOTALLY OK!

Whatever.

Now, let's move on to the electric bill.

I knew it was going to be a lot. It's been a hot month, a very hot month and our air conditioning unit, (or, should I say our dickhead landlord's unit, (ha!ha!) because we are The Poor People Who Rent?) is an ancient piece of shit and completely inefficient. Last months bill was $88, so I thought, maybe, MAYBE $160. Um, no. More like TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE DOLLARS.

Just for the electricity! That doesn't count gas! And water! And trash! OR GROCERIES.

Had I recieved this bill yesterday? I never would have bought the Todd Glass tickets. Now I'm feeling all kinds of guilty and like I'm going to PUKE because those tickets are non refundable and OH MY GOD WE HAVE A 2 DRINK MINIMUM. How irresponsible of me to go out when I have a $223.98 electric bill to pay.

I'm going to throw up. I really am.

But do you know what I am definitely not going to do?

Join my "friend" for a game of Party Lite Family Feud.

Unless... UNLESS there are cash prizes, because if there are, I'll be there and I'll be knocking bitches OUT to win.

Posted by Y at August 17, 2005 05:19 PM
Comments

Oh god I so relate. I hate my electric bill right now. It's sitting at 300+ dollars. Our big unit in our house that we just had built two years ago has already blown. I have made several complaints to the BBB about the company that installed it. They were spose to have come out and fixed it, hah, that was fucking 8 months ago. Bastards. So I had to buy four window units and now my house looks all ghetto and that ain't no shit. But my fucking bill is 300+. Sorry had to rant.

Posted by: Kristina at August 17, 2005 05:49 PM

$300? THe HELL?

My bill has never in the history of my life and living in this house EVER been over $200. EVER.

I'm so sick.

$200 to NOT DIE FROM HEAT EXHAUSTION.

Edison can suck it.

Posted by: Y at August 17, 2005 06:02 PM

I don't even get invited to the parties where they're trying to sell stuff, I'm that unpopular. hehe

And the electric bill? Mine was only like $130 last month, but this month will probably be $250+. They pull that shit on you on purpose. We have 3 window units and 6 fans...Plus, we live in a tin can so it's not like it stays cool.

Posted by: NinaKaye at August 17, 2005 06:09 PM

Party- lite... I was so thinking that might be one of those sex-toy parties when I first read it (which I have never been too! I know... I know... it's hard to believe)

Sort of balls-y to send you an invite after blowing you off with your kids parties.

Posted by: Snidget at August 17, 2005 06:10 PM

TVLand ran this contest a while back looking for the funniest mom in America.

Next time I see them run it you are being nominated.

Posted by: Vickie at August 17, 2005 06:15 PM

Oh and just to add my bill amount...we are on budget so our bill runs about $350/month. BUT we have a house that runs on ELECTRIC HEAT. (And that can be very painful up here in Connecticut where the winters can be absolutely brutal). Yes, our house was built in 1968 when ELECTRIC HEAT was the economical way to go. During the 80;s we had pellet stoves, wood stoves, coal stoves, no stove, no heat (lots of coats in the house)...but we decided that electric + heat = $350, with the knowledge we were running very clean heat, made it a little more tolerable. I'm hearing folks with gas or oil are actually paying more now when you add in their electric bill.

Posted by: Vickie at August 17, 2005 06:18 PM

Y, I think your real problem is horniness. I think you're complaining about large electric bills just to distract you from Tony's cock. Am I right? I thought so.

Posted by: robynf at August 17, 2005 07:14 PM

Ok, you caught me.

NOT.

I love his cock, but seriously? NOT WHEN IT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO MAKE NEW BABIES GROW INSIDE OF ME.

Is 223 dollah a normal bill for people? Have I been getting off (ha!1!) easy all of these years? Because I am freaking out over here.

Fah-reeeeeaking.

Posted by: Y at August 17, 2005 07:18 PM

Oh and I think YOU'RE the one that's horn-ay. ANd it's because I offered you a lap dance. Want one? I'll give you 2 for $25. What a deal!

Posted by: Y at August 17, 2005 07:20 PM

dude, that's some crazy shit about your electric bill. i was all annoyed because mine went up about $30. then again, i'm so cheap, i only turn my A/C on at night. i would rather melt than spend more money on my electricity, so i'll let it get up to 90 in my apartment before i'll turn on the A/C.

Posted by: geeky at August 17, 2005 07:29 PM

$223 is pretty normal down here in Texas. My last one was $198 but I'm also on averaging so I don't get a huge bill slapped in my face all of a sudden.

BTW, I wouldn't go to her candle party either. Who needs those expensive-ass candles when you can buy some at Walmart for cryin' out loud.

Posted by: Tracy at August 17, 2005 07:31 PM

Who wants stinky candles anyway? Come to my house! I'll make margaritas!

Posted by: Annika at August 17, 2005 08:11 PM

wow.. we pay about 185 a month.. well my viejo does. we also rent a home that was built in the 60's, what makes the whole thing worst is that we live in hot and sticky florida! winters are awsome but the summers are to dread! we cant even open the windows at nite to save some energy: one because its about 89 degrees at nite and two cause the giant freaking roaches would love to share your pillow. ah.. i grew up in southern cali.. boy do i miss that! so my dear.. id trade you in a heart beat! (i too know hard financial times and the joys of being at home with the kids). how was clothes shopping?

Posted by: Claudia at August 17, 2005 08:28 PM

mine was 76. i also live in an apartment. and haven't paid my bill since i moved in (so it's right around 226) we can send snail mail when our electric gets cut off. who needs it anyway. *goes to flip my air on*

Posted by: jenny lee at August 17, 2005 08:35 PM

My bill was $252 this month. I've been complaining to our apartment manager that something was wrong with our air for 6 weeks, it runs and runs and barely keeps the house at 80 degrees. Needless to say I wasn't too happy when I opened the bill 2 days ago.

Posted by: Kellerbell at August 17, 2005 08:49 PM

You totallly wish it was a sex toy party. I don't think ours goes above $100 ever, but then again, we swelter like pigs up here on the third floor.

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at August 17, 2005 08:56 PM

Keep those tickets, go to that concert, and HAVE AN ABSOLUTE BLAST. You deserve it. The bills will still be there when you get back, unles the Bill-Snatching Brownies visit your home while you're gone.

I dream sometimes that the Bill-Snatching Brownies loved me and came every month. It's one of my favorite dreams.

I don't get out much, no.

Posted by: Mamacita at August 17, 2005 09:15 PM

Before I did equal payments for my electric bill, I had some $500+ summer months. But, wheee, now it's only $243.56 every month.

Posted by: FlippyO at August 17, 2005 09:28 PM

The only "come to my house and buy shit" parties I'll go to are those "f*ck-er-ware" parties. I am NOT spending $ on shitty candles that I can buy at Target - and at Target I don't have to sit around and talk to a bunch of other ladies I don't really like.

Posted by: cindy at August 17, 2005 09:43 PM

So far, because of the heat waves here in Mass, Im dreading the electricity bill for this month. Also, Ive been invited to a few of those party lite candle parties by friends, guilted into spending $45 on a candle set and 2 weeks later saw the same damn thing at a discount department close-out store for $9. Boy was I pissed. I will never go to one of those again, friends or not.

After what you've been through this past week, you deserve a night out with your man, go and have fun!!

Posted by: paula at August 17, 2005 09:55 PM

Our electric bill is usually cheaper in summer than winter. We don't have a/c so open all the windows (we have security screens) and sometimes use a fan or water cooler.

But in winter, we have electric heaters; plus we have longer hotter showers and use the stove and oven more.

Still, I think electricity is cheaper over here (Australia) because our bills at our last place (all electric, no gas) was rarely over AU$250/quarter (that's about US$190/quarter!). Though there are only two of us, and we try hard to keep our usage down (for both financial and environmental reasons).

We don't pay for our trash to be picked up, and the only water we have to pay for is our excess usage. Whch is a laugh because we are have been in drought for years and aren't even allowed to wash our cars anymore. If we don't have any decent rain in the next 18 months our city won't have a water supply. Scary stuff.

Posted by: Mellissa at August 17, 2005 10:09 PM

Those stupid parties always kill me! The women who have them will always say, "It's just an excuse to get together and have fun!" Yeah, right!!! Then why the hell don't you have me over for a real party and NOT make me BUY something that costs 10 times what it does in the store.

I'm so glad I found you cuz when I said this to a few of the other women I got a look like I WAS CRAZY!

I went to one of those Party Lite parties and honestly, it was one of the worst I have ever been too. Everything was over $20! The absolute worst one I have been to is the Longaberger basket party. That party I actually left without buying anything - give me a break, like I am going to pay $45 for a tiny basket that could hold maybe business cards??? They give a speech about how "its an heirloom". Do you think my kids are going to love me for handing down the $45 basket that is only big enough to hold a business card?

Posted by: D at August 18, 2005 04:30 AM

Our electric bill isn't high since we don't have air conditioning, but heating costs in the winter kill us. We just prebought our oil for the winter to the tune of $5000. Craziness I tell you.

I might start burning toys in our fireplace to keep warm, if only Legos burned we'd be all set.

Posted by: chris at August 18, 2005 05:48 AM

Right now I need a stiff drink and a stiffy. The man has been away for close to 4 weeks...count them...1, 2, 3, 4. My ovaries are pumping....must ...find...semen....listen closely, You may actually hear them.

On second thought, I'll take you up on the lap dance....

Posted by: robynf at August 18, 2005 06:39 AM

Holy shit that oil bill of Chris' works out to about 1000 bucks a month for winter heating! Is that right?? Even if it's budgeted out over 12 months it comes out to about $425/month?? And I thought my $350+ for electric AND heat was through the roof!!!

Posted by: Vickie at August 18, 2005 06:46 AM

223 is normal for our house, 4 bedrooms, 2 bath, electric everything and 6 people. Did i mention that is power only.

I basically work to pay for a house and bills i am never really in because i am working to pay for it.

Does that make sense?

If it makes you feel better, i had a power bill for 385 last winter. Needless to say, we ate macaroni and hamburger meat for a month.

Posted by: Heatherg at August 18, 2005 08:03 AM

Hey, maybe a part time gig giving lapdances will give you the moola to keep you in cool A/C through the rest of the hot season. ;)

Posted by: lex at August 18, 2005 09:33 AM

Billy and I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and our electric bill was $192 this month.. Our friends, who live in a NEWER 3 bedroom apartment, only had a bill of $170. Does that sound like we're getting jipped to you? I think so!

Maybe you could go to the candle party, buy some candles, and then sell them way overpriced; then you could pay your bill AND go see Todd Glass, whilst maybe making some extra cash! :)

Posted by: TrishieRains at August 18, 2005 10:08 AM

I think I have you all beat. I just switched electric companies to go with someone quite a bit cheaper and got my final electric bill. It was only $861.00. YIKES! Thank goodness it is my final one because they are going to get payments on that one.

Posted by: Julie at August 18, 2005 10:41 AM

During peak months, we get up around $400 here. I was actually ecstatic that our last one was "ONLY" $287!

And Partylite? Nice (but WAY, WAY overpriced) candles and the parties suck ASS! If I ever accept another Partylite party invitation it will be because the person hosting it just saved the life of one of my children or something. Nothing less!

Posted by: Empress at August 18, 2005 10:47 AM

I went to a Party Lite candle party once, where I whispered something to a friend of mine that included the f-word, and the hostess put her hands over her ears, stared at me and said "NOOOO!!!" Brought the party to a screeching halt. Yay for me and my f-bombs.

And our power bill is almost always over $300, but that's because we live in the boonies and all of our appliances run on propane, which is sort of pricey. Yet another reason I want to move to the suburbs.

Posted by: poobou at August 18, 2005 10:55 AM

I had no idea how lucky I am with my under $100 electric bills. Here I thought TWO HUNDERED AND TWENTY THREE was like, unheard of.

Posted by: Y at August 18, 2005 11:00 AM

i think our last electric bill was like . . $300+? then again, The Boy needs to be ice-box cold all the time or he kicks up an unholy fuss about "the heat."

Posted by: marie b. at August 18, 2005 11:16 AM

Oh geez, and I thought that we had it bad because our winter bills to heat the house are around that price, but thank goodness it isn't hot enough to need air conditioning in the summer.

Y, that sucks. Don't feel guilty, though, you shouldn't always have to be the one that makes sacrifices. It doesn't sound like you frivolously spend money, you deserve a night out. Everyone wants to have a happy mommy!!!

Posted by: halloweenlover at August 18, 2005 12:19 PM

our electric was about $190 last month and I nearly shat myself. that's the highest it's been since we've lived here. of course, we NEVER turn the a/c off either.

Posted by: girl at August 18, 2005 04:21 PM

My electric bill was huge-o-normous, too! Misery loves company. But GO to Todd Glass and ENJOY every minute. You deserve it, woman!

And the Party-Lite party? Too bad. I had a friend (well, she's still my friend but she moved away)who had a friend who sold those candles. I always went to the parties, because my friend served wine and beer and yummy good appetizers. It really WAS a girl's night out. No silly games...(and I do love candles.)

Enough about me. You're wondering who I am? I enjoy reading your blog, but I'm not sure if I've commented. Your entries are funny and heartwarming and your photos of the kids are wonderful!

:-)

Posted by: Anonymous G at August 18, 2005 10:06 PM

I feel your pain on this one. I too have the pleasure of using my slum Lord's ac unit and our bill has gone through the roof. It was $296 last month oh and did I forget to mention that it's 82 degrees in my house right this very second aghhh! Enjoy the show you have to live a little.

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Posted by: hunter at November 6, 2007 07:47 PM

About Y
My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 15 year old son, a 11 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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