Last night G woke up in a coughing fit. I jumped out of bed, ran to get her and picked her up.
She was burning up.
I do believe her "allergies" (pediatricians diagnosis) has now developed into bronchitis or maybe, but I'm hoping not, Pneumonia.
I didn't sleep the rest of the night because I turn into a MESS when my kids are sick or injured. I instantly think of the worst possible thing that could happen and I obsess about that, making me totally unable to remain calm or to sleep.
That is the reason my husband made me cry yesterday. I panicked when Gabby started gagging from coughing. I said "I'm freaking out, my legs are going numb" to which he replied "YOU'RE A PARENT! GET A GRIP! ACT LIKE ONE! YOU.ARE.A.PARENT."
There isn't much I'm proud of about myself. Infact, I can only think of ONE thing and that thing is that I'm a good mother. Insulting the ONE THING that I feel proud of, the one thing that I have going for me, made me feel pretty damn worthless.
Would it have KILLED him to assure me she was going to be ok, to, put his arm around me and tell me not to worry?
He was very sorry when he came home. He felt bad, I could see it in his face, but he said he yelled at me that way because he "didn't want me to have a panic attack and 'lose it'".
Tough love, tough love.
I understand his concern. He's watched me have many panic attacks, many anxiety attacks. He's watched me nearly pass out from hyperventilating. So, I'm sure he worries when I say things like "my legs are going numb" as he is about to walk out the door to go to work. Like "Is she going to be able to take care of my children when she's like that?"
Until yesterday, I never realized he had that fear. I never realized he worries about me with his children and that hurt. He swears he thinks I'm a good mother and that he wasn't implying that I wasn't. Still? It hurt.
I learn something new everyday!
G has a 9:45 appointment with a pediatrician today, hopefully, this time they'll properly diagnose her and she can GET BETTER FOR GOOD ALREADY. I am fully prepared to go "all latina" on this doctor if he says the words "lungs clear". Her lungs are NOT clear, I can hear it, and every time I've taken her, they say "hm, don't know what the problem is, her lungs are clear." Oh hell no. I'll demand an X-ray and I'm prepared to do whatever is necessary to make sure she gets one, even if that involves "assaulting people with titty milk."
That's right, I said it, I've got two loaded boobs and I aint afraid to use them.
(I do not have time nor the desire to edit this post, if there are typos or if it just plain sucks? In the words of Tony "Deal with it" and I mean that in a very loving and compassionate way)
I'll be watching for you on "Cops"
"Irate Mom sprays pediatrician, says 'can you hear me now'?"
Don't wanna give you assvice or anything, but I've had kids with horrible upper respiratory / allergy stuff and the good thing is they've managed to outgrow most of it. But it is annoying when they can't decide if it's in the lungs, the nose, the throat, or some combination (I usually insist on an X-ray, but even that can be screwed up when they are so little)
Good luck!