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September 08, 2005
And I promise I will never mention Hippos again.

Our local chapter of The American Red Cross is in need of voluteers to help the victims of hurricane Katrina, so, I just signed up for a Basic Disaster Response Training course. The class is 3 hours long and will enable me to be able to assist the victims directly.

I'm nervous about it, because, what do I have to offer? But I'm willing to do whatever they need, as long as it's in the evenings when Tony can stay with the kids.

I realise I'm only doing this because I need a distraction from my newly diagnosed disorder, Superficial House Wife Fat Person Depression. I'm so grateful that there are people who read this who diagnose me FOR FREE! In my comments!

Yesterday, I had written a post all about my SHWFPD and even included a picture of "me" letting loose and taking a break from my disorder**, but I deleted it after my husband read it and deemed it "NOT FUNNY!" I think it's because he doesn't like me comparing myself to a HIPPO, but COME ON, Hippo Sex and Hippo Shopping Cart Rides are comedy gold. Why doesn't my husband GET THAT?


Kristal gets it. She's the one who sent me the hippo in a cart picture. She saw it at Walmart and THOUGHT OF ME! (Only because I was talking about Hippo sex, so don't get all "ohh, that's mean!" because, no, that's "hilarious") I understand it's offensive to some people, but, like I said, I choose to deal with my "insecurities" with humor. And for me? It's much better than the way I've dealt with things in the past. Much better to laugh than to cut yourself with knives, wouldn't you agree?

This morning, I'm going to take a drive up to my favorite park to meet up with a local "mommy group."

THAT'S RIGHT, I JOINED A MOMMY GROUP. I never, EVER imagined the day I'd actually join one of these things, because, generally speaking, "groups of women" annoy the crap out of me.

The bragging. The gossip. The whining. The "my kid is smarter than your kid" conversations. The cliques.

Not my thing, people. Not.My.Thing.

I've decided to give it a chance, but only because my friend joined recently and she seems to like the women. I trust her judgement, because she's cool like me.

Ha! Ha! Me? Cool? HAAAAA.

I hope it goes better than I'm imagining it in my mind. Things usually do go better than I think they will...because my mind? Is jacked up.

Posted by Y at September 8, 2005 08:02 AM
Comments

I agree with Tony. You know what I think of the troll and we both know who it is. Comparing yourself to a hippo is not cool. You are too cool to be something caged up at the zoo. You are woman, hear you roar. So at least be a lion or something.

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at September 8, 2005 09:31 AM

But in my defense...

I've never compared myself to a hippo before, I Just thought it was funny when I saw that picture.

But seriously? Everyone gets all pissy about it, so I'll stop.

But? Does everyone get all pissy when Louie Anderson makes fun of his weight? HUH? NOOOOO. They PAY TO SEE HIM DO IT.

Posted by: Y at September 8, 2005 09:39 AM

ya know, i used to say things about my weight and it would bother everyone around me so i switched.........Now i say things like.....

"ooo baby, hot and juicy momma comming in for a landing" or

"shakin' it baby, like what you see?" or

when we are getting ready to go out somewhere, i'll stand in the mirror and say " Dont hate me because i'm beautiful" and of course, the kids giggle.

I've gone the exact opposite direction and my family feeds into it. You should try it, it's fun, and the kids have joined in and i feel like a million bucks!

Posted by: Heatherg at September 8, 2005 09:41 AM

well *I* think the hippo is funny too, even if no one else does. and why do i get the feeling that i'll be seeing commercials for SHWFPD drugs on TV soon?

Posted by: geeky at September 8, 2005 10:36 AM

Y you're hilarious as always. But I do have to say that I think you're beautiful and fat is not an adjective I'd use for you. You just look healthy. You're not fat and you're not all anorexic. You're okay! Believe me!

And by the way that hippo in the shopping cart is downright funny stuff!!

Posted by: Mrs Darling at September 8, 2005 12:01 PM

I don't know Louie Anderson. (Isn't he dead?) I do know you. It's not about "the fat," it is about being nice to yourself.

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at September 8, 2005 12:19 PM

What? Louie DIED?

*googles*

Posted by: Y at September 8, 2005 12:20 PM

you can come join my "moms" group

Posted by: Philip at September 8, 2005 01:02 PM

Damn, when you deleted that post, you deleted my comment.

You are a rocking hot, smart, sexy, sassy, funny woman.

Repeat three times a day for 10 days and come in for a check up.

Posted by: clickmom at September 8, 2005 01:52 PM

I thought the Hippo was great! Of course, I also have been known to laugh at old people, ugly people, and people falling over. So don't trust me.

Posted by: Tammy/averagemom at September 8, 2005 02:26 PM

I've been fat most of my life, so I'm past the "I'm so fat." stuff, like Heatherg. I go on about how hot I am. I even told my husband that we couldn't go to his "online game meetup" thingy because I didn't want the other guys to feel bad that they can't get a hottie wife like him. hehe
I hope your mommy club is good. There aren't even enough mommies around here to make a club. (Nobody likes me anyway, so if I did show up to something they'd all be scared. heh)

Posted by: NinaKaye at September 8, 2005 02:30 PM

You're going to love being an emergency responder for the Red Cross. I have been doing it for years. It's very rewarding work.

Posted by: Mieke at September 8, 2005 03:15 PM

Y ~ Ok, Im not being a smartass here, just being totally stupid, but what I'm not understanding is how you are helping the victims of Katrina directly (if you're in california??) What am I missing? I mean what youre DOING is an awesome response, and I applaud you for it! I just don't understand the part about helping the victims directly.

It's probably quite obvious but my brain is fried tonight :(

Posted by: Vickie at September 8, 2005 05:23 PM

I said I'm taking a course that will ENABLE me to help them directly, meaning, once they get shelters set up here (they're working on that right now, I spoke with a lady from our local chapter) I will work in those shelters helping them directly.

I've never claimed to be helping them directly, all I'm doing is collecting school supplies, clothing, etc to send to Houston (will be sent Saturday, tons of stuff) but what I did say is that I enrolled in a class to be ABLE to help them directly (in the near future).

Does that make sense?

Posted by: Y at September 8, 2005 05:27 PM

I think so. I think what I didn't understand is that there are actually shelters being set up all the way out in California. Now that I know that it makes sense. That was my missing link. I know you didnt claim to be helping them directly, but when i read the line that said, "...will enable me to assist the victims directly" thats what I didn't get,,how do you help them if they're in Houston. But now I get that shelters are being set up out your way.

(Don't be upset! I knew my question might get you upset but I really didn't understand the connection).

Posted by: Vickie at September 8, 2005 05:33 PM

lmao :P
have fun girlie!!!

Posted by: beth at September 8, 2005 08:22 PM

Hippopotamuses are cool! Hippopotamus means "river horse". And they produce their OWN SUNSCREEN! And they can close their nostrils and ears so water doesn't get in, and stay underwater for 15 minutes. And they have no scent or sweat glands. They can bite a 10-foot crocodile in half! And they're very protective of their babies :o)

Posted by: Mellissa at September 8, 2005 10:18 PM

re: hippo

Here is the rest of the story... I couldn't tell you, because I was typing on my phone and that sucks. But, I was checking out pinatas for Echo's birthday and they had all these cool animal pinatas. I thought, wouldn't it be cool if they had a hippo and I could take a picture of it and send it to Y? But, no. The hippo was not one of the featured animals.

THEN, when I was buying food, I saw this hippo in a shopping cart and started LMAO! It may look all innocent next to the bottled water, but that water was at the end of the alcohol isle. I was like, YEAH! If Y was a hippo pinata, she would have totally skipped out on the boring party section and head over to the alcohol.

Haha...

Re: helping victims directly. I live in New Mexico and thousands of survivors have been sent to El Paso, just an hour away. We have 500 more arriving today in Las Cruces that will be staying in one of the university dorms.

Posted by: kristal at September 9, 2005 08:42 AM

This is probably kinda late and all, and I feel stupid for writing it but:
Y, when you say insulting things about yourself, it makes me feel badly about myself. Doesn't make sense, does it?
BUT
I'm fatter than you. Way fatter. Probably by a good 50, 60 lbs, if not more. Sure I'm trying to lose weight, but it's not happening magically. So when you compare yourself to a hippo or whatever, while I would give my left nut (okay, Rob's left one) to look like you, it makes me feel weird. Like "Wow. If she's a hippo, then I'm an elephant".
I know that's not your goal-- but that could be part of the reason people don't like hearing you say such things about yourself. Another reason could be that we all really like you, and why are you insulting someone we like?

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    About Y
    My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 16 year old son, a 12 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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