Hormones. They are wicked. I started a hormone cream for all of the above symptoms but I am going to have some tests done to see what hormones I may be lacking. Its the joy of peri-menopause which can start 10 years before meno pause!!! God, getting old is such fun!!

You're loved by more people than you know, babe.

I'm thinking of you.

Tell yourself that you are a beautiful, giving, compassionate person. YOU ARE THOSE THINGS!!! You're a talented writer, a person with a big heart (think of how you helped that mother from hurricane Katrina) with a great sense of humor.

Talk to your doctor, tell him/her how you are feeling. He/She might be able to point you in the right direction. You're not alone in this.

I felt like this both times my kids weaned off breastfeeding. Hideous!

Do whatever you need to do, Y--you are loved. By all of us, in addition to all the people in your real life.

Hope you feel better soon, and I wish there was more I could say to help you get there.

I don't know what to say, except I'm hoping you're feeling a little bit better right now.

I hope you are.

Sending you giant hugs and kisses. I've been on the hormonal roller coaster for a week now. We can be raging cycle buddies! Meh. Be gentle with yourself, because we love you.

Oh, sweetie! Do what you need to do -- all of the things you mentioned (calling people, walking, etc.) sound like good options. If you often feel like this, it would be good to check out medications. (I speak from my own experience.) Post again and let us know how you're doing, okay? We'll be listening. *hugs*

Oh dear sweetie! You are SO SO beautiful and funny and I get the biggest kick out of reading your blog-and we have FAR too much in common.

I hope by now you're feeling far better about yourself and just know, not everyone's DH would say such wonderfully supportive things. It's great that he was there to hold you ;)

damn tootin you are loved and if you ever need a friend, you have my email.

Are you still taking antidepressants? If so, you should talk to your doc about either changing the dose or switching to a different kind.
When I started taking Prozac, it took some trial and error to find the right dose. Also, my doc prescribed Ativan to take when I feel a moment coming on like you described. I was going through the same thing you are, and these to meds have made all the difference in the world. My boyfriend even remarked that I don't seem to get PMS anymore. Yay!

((*Hugs*)) I hope you feel better soon!

Just go to Starbucks and sniff. It's like essential oils, guaranteed to make you feel better. Oh, and Starbucks would never ever let you believe the lies in your head.

If it wouldn't already be too late, I'd send you a small bit of my dog's Xanax. She feels like you do when thunderstorms are overhead. But seriously, see a doctor because no one should have to feel like you do right now.

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Please believe Tony- you ARE loved.

Rob once said to me (after I'd taken a knife to my leg-- I'm fun TOO!) "Louise, do you think I'm an idiot?"
"No..."
"Do you hate me?"
"No!"
"Then if I'm not stupid, why do you think I would pick someone as horrible as you think you are? And why, if you don't hate me, are you intent on hurting the person I love most in the world?"

Really made me think. Didn't eradicate those feelings, because, well, if it were that easy then it would have happened long ago, but did make me believe that other people love me-- so I should start concentrating and try to find something to love about myself.

I'm so glad that you know that the bad thoughts are lies. They aren't true, no matter how convincing they may be.

(((((HUGS))))) You ARE loved. He is a wise man, your husband.

You're so loved even a perfect stranger like me loves you! I visit your blog every day because you're funny, compassionate, and a wonderfully loving mother. Please do whatever you need to do to keep yourself healthy and safe.

Believe with all your heart that your husband and children love you above all others and that you are more than worthy of that love.

Oh, I understand, the hurt, and the exagerated emotions around period time. I consider you as one of the luckiest people I read about. I have no parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, not a family reunion scheduled anytime soon, but I do have two boys (out of wedlock) and a brother. So , when you really do not have many people who love you, you become numb, and around period time, you cry. Then you go numb again, and appreciate the family I do have, as you can tell, it's flow time, so it's all medical not reality.

I'm another fun one whose husband has had to hold her down to stop her hurting herself. One thing that has kept me from self-injuring for over a year now is picturing his bewildered, hurt, desperate expression.

Y,

Oh sweetie. Yes, that is a bad day! I hear ya though. There are times I would like to just say forget it to everything. We have to just not allow the stupid shit to win. We are stronger, right? Just an FYI, you are a great person, a wonderful mommy and I assume a great friend. Hang in there...

Please don't sock me for suggesting this, but have you given thought to a full hysterectomy (ovaries go too)? After I had mine, my hormones really evened out and though I still have panic attacks, they are much better controlled than they used to be. I'm also much relieved that I don't have to take estrogen or premarin.

Please take care of yourself, Y.

Wow, its amazing to read this because I have been going through the same thing for the first time in my life. I have never thought of hurting myself before this last month. As soon as I started my period I definitely felt LESS hopeless, so I'm annoyed as hell to think it might possibly be because of those mother fucking hormones. I know that usually when you feel this way people saying things like "chin up!" and "hang in there" don't help whatsoever, so just know that you aren't alone in this.

BTW, I started natural progesterone cream and have already started feeling better. I don't know if you are still nursing, I weaned my (almost) 13 month old about 3 months ago. I wonder if its related or if I'm just crazy all by myself.

p.s. i didn't realize my old blog info was saved in the comments...I've updated it now. :)

I hate hormones. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi Y,
Have you ever heard of premenstrual dysphoric disorder? It sounds like you have it. Talk to your doc and see what he says. Hormones are so evil, especially to women in their thirties that have recently had babies.
I hope you feel better. I have been in that deep dark place before. I don't like hearing about people that suffer, because it's not an easy thing to snap out of.
Good luck.

Writing helps me when I feel like that. The things I put on the page are sometimes so ugly I can't look back on it later, but at least I don't have to think about it.

I needed to read this. *hugs*

Bad, bad hormones!!

Listen to your husband. He is right.

Listen to your readers. We are right, too.

Awesome, beautiful, important, wonderful, loving Yvonne. That's who you are.

Hormones are big liars. Wait them out and they'll eventually go away, with their big fat lies and more lies and all kinds of lies. Bad hormones.

Sweet wonderful YOU.

Don't tear yourself down, it's exhausting for your family to keep up with encouraging you. Yyou're a terrific mom! A great wife, and a wonderful writer. If you aren't feeling confident, pretend you are. It's amazingly effective. There is a great quote from the movie "Boiler Room":

"There's an important phrase that we use here and I think it's time you all learned it. "Act as if". Do you understand what that means? Act as if you are the fucking president of this firm. Act as if you have a nine inch cock. Act as if. "

Confidence, whether real or put on - is sexy, motivating and sustaining. You have it in you! Act as if...

I've never been a "hurt myself" type of person, I'm more than type that takes it out on inanimate objects. Keyboards and coffee cups beware!

it sucks to be in the dumpster, or to not like youself so much that there's so much calamity inside. i know everyone says they understand, and everything in you says no. something inside screams, saying you're ugly and if they only knew....and so i wanted you to know, that no matter what your demons tell you, you are loved, beautiful, and amazing.
i don't care if you put on another six hundred pounds, it won't change what i think about you. i don't care if you don't tell me anymore vagina or penis stories, or tell me what kinda diapers to buy, or even how much coupons can save you money, because in all reality, i like you not because of the words you say but your actions.
you're a beautiful person.
but most impostantly, you're a beautiful person inside and out.
stay strong yvonne, and if you're tired of the world a while, you can come hide with me and know that you have the love and support of soooooo many people.
i was talking to stacey the other day, and i know just because you said and did something about it, her baby girl is going to have warm clothes to wear in the winter, and you have touched her life in such a way when she thought no one was listening.
you're doing good things, and you're a good person.
((hugs))
feel better

Now that, Rachael...was lovely. Y, listen

I for one, love you Y!

I have been thinking of you.

Hope everything is okay.

me being blond and german and all couldn't say it better than rachael anyway so i won't even try. but i'm backing her up with this.

What a good hubby! :) He's right - just look at the proof that you're loved. And look at those kids.

But believe me I understand..as do millions of other women...of how unsatisfying it is to be bigger. We'll beat this girlfriend. Praying for you! :)

I'm the same way when I have PMS and I went to the OBGYN to find out what I can do to prevent it and she said you should take a calcium supplement w/ magnesium in it because it helps w/ PMS. I hope you know that without you, there'd be a lot of dissapointed readers in the world laughing half as much as they do now... not to mention a very sad family with darling children and a loving husband and father.

Hey babe, when ya coming back?

hi Yvonne...i miss you

simple as that....

hope you are ok, sending lots of good thoughts your way

we understand and we love you

You got married and you had 3 babies. You built yourself a family that loves you and will be there with you when you are feeling weak and afraid and unhappy. Believe in that. You're there when they are weak and afraid and unhappy. Same thing.

Hope you are well. Check in to say "I'm here."

Hope you okay.. we miss you and your great sense of humor!d! Come backkkkk!!

Y — I hate that you feel this way. I wish there was a magic pill for you to get better. Just know you are loved and appreciated.

I hope everything is ok, Y. I'm thinking about ya

Read all your blog and love your sense of humor! Hope things are better with you and you are soon back to posting again. Hugs

Yvonne, where are you, lady? Thinking about you...

Hey, Yvonne. Been thinking about you. Hope you're feeling better. xo

Hey girl! Where the hell are you? I'm starting to worry!

Yeah, me too. I didn't know what to say so I just gave you a big hug when I first read the post. I don't know you personally, but we have A LOT in common. You are not alone. Thank God for your supportive husband who loves you sooo much. YOU are such a nice, caring person who means a lot to so many people. I've been reading your archives and that's why I know you're wonderful! Please let us know that you're okay :)

Thinking of you, worried........

I'm getting scared that you're not posting... I hope all is well.

Your silence speaks volumes. Come, drop us a line.

You can't feel that way when you're loved by so many people. Cheer up!