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September 29, 2005
Too bad I didn't have a blog back then, because The Internet NEVER would have let me wear that veil.

I believe I wrote about "My Big Fat Stupid Ugly Germican Wedding" once before. However, today, I was doing what I do when I get emotional...looking through photo albums. As I flipped through the pages of my wedding album, I thought OMG!1!!1111 I have to take pictures of this for The Internet to see how HILARIOUS my wedding was.

People. It IS hilarious.

I must defend myself before you see these pictures.

1.) It was 1990. "Bigger" "Puffier" = "Better"
2.) I was only 19 years old. My parents still controlled everything
that I did. I'm not bringing that up because I'm bitter, but
because that explains a)why I am NOT wearing makeup. b)why I am
NOT wearing jewelery. c) MY HAIR
3.) Tony's mom got involved.
4.) I wish I had a fourth reason, but I don't. But, man, I wish I
did.

Are you ready for Pure Puffy Hotness?



Let's start with The Bangs, shall we? Because I KNOW you're freaked out by The Bangs. A week before the wedding, I had no bangs. My hair was all one length and MAN, was it long. My friend was going to pay for this really awesome stylist named "Johnny" to do my hair. BUT, for reasons that I will not get into here, my parents didn't want "Johnny" to do my hair, SO, I decided to use my mom's friend's "stylist" (and I use that term VERY LOOSELY). She decided to chop me some bangs, an entire TOP OF MY HEAD worth of 'em and RAT THEM TO HEAVEN. Then, she just put the rest of my hair in a BUN that half fell out before the wedding even started. Perfect!

The Veil. What can I say about The Veil? "IT was HUGE?" "Man, that's a LOT of pearls!" Seriously. It is what it is. And, what it is, was FUGLY.

The Dress. I was so damn proud of those "puffy sleaves". I aint even gonna lie. What I did not realize was how "Amish" the dress was. Because... THERE IS NO SKIN SHOWING WHATSOEVER. But, hey, it had puffy sleaves AND "A Train" "With Bows"! So... Up YOURS!

Lack of makeup/jewelery. It was against my parents religion. That's all I can say about that.

I think I'll let those pictures speak for themselves.

Remember, I said "Bigger"="Better"? That would be why my cake was BIGGER THAN GOD. 3 foot base cake, with 4 round cakes, a fountain, and a stairway to heaven. Don't be jealous of my Cake With A Fountain.

There is ONE picture from our wedding that I love. For several reasons. My Tiny Waist, the smile on Tony's face (because it's all "I'm like THIS CLOSE to Stuffing Her Enchilada!"), how happy we look... And for a moment, when I look at that picture, I forget how, um, HORRIBLY UNSTYLISH our wedding was, but then, I LOOK AT THIS WITH THE HAIR STYLE FROM HELL and I am reminded that, yeah, our wedding was... Pretty Damn Ugly.

But totally hilarious. And hilarious is WAY better than "pretty".

Posted by Y at September 29, 2005 09:52 AM
Comments

No way! That was the style for weddings at the time. I think you looked great!

Posted by: Karen at September 29, 2005 11:06 AM

Listen, it was 1990. That's all you have to say, and everything else is forgiven.

(someone did that haircut to me, too. I had super-long down my back hair, and this lady decided that I needed bangs that went so far back I almost had a mullet. And the sad part is that my hair wouldn't even agree with the teasing, so it wouldn't even stick up! No matter how much hairspray was used! aaah, 1990.)

Posted by: Louise at September 29, 2005 11:07 AM

You know, I got married in 2001, and already the stuff is starting to look hilarious. I think they do that on purpose. Make you spend (in my case)$1100 on a dress, only to have it look friggin' hilarious in about 5 years. I have to face it. I looked more like the wedding cake than the cake. Ohhhh. No. But at least I'll have something funny to show the kids later on.

-H

Posted by: hed at September 29, 2005 11:07 AM

You look like such a BABY in those pictures!!! Isn't it funny how young we look when we're 19, but how old and grown up we feel when we're that age? Good grief I thought I knew everything when I was that age.

I dig your husband's glasses. Hee hee.

Posted by: Colleen at September 29, 2005 11:09 AM

Come to think of it I too, had that very same hairstyle in 1990. And my prom dress... had the same sort of sleeves. Talk about trying not to bump into other girls on the dance floor. Oh, it was an icebreaker... So, darling, really, you were at the height of fashion!

1990. Gotta love that year.

-H

Posted by: hed at September 29, 2005 11:10 AM

Ok - besides the hair/veil/no make-up thing, I think you looked so beautiful (and WAY too young! LOL) in your photographs. Hey, it was 1990 - there are thousand of other brides who had the puffy hair/veil combo.

Posted by: Kate at September 29, 2005 11:17 AM

Cant. Stop. looking. at. the. cake.

Wow a fountain.

Posted by: Tuesday at September 29, 2005 11:32 AM

Oh, I think you guys look adorable. And so happy! Very, very sweet. :-)

Posted by: Beth at September 29, 2005 11:37 AM

I love your pictures. It was 1990 - that's how we all looked. Though...I can relate. When I look at my wedding pictures (1995) I wish we could get remarried so I can have a prettier dress! Not that I didn't love my dress at the time - but it's just so dated now. But at least I have proof that I did at one time have a tiny waist!

Long time lurker...first time poster. Wedding pictures will make me comment every time! :D

Posted by: Itchy at September 29, 2005 11:42 AM

Girrrl, you had a cake with a fountain and a staircase? I ENVY YOU! My whole natural life, I dreamt of a cake with a fountain (I wanted my water to be purple) and a staircase, with little tiny bridesmaids and groomsmen on the STAIRCASES. I loved that!
I like those pictures, you know why? Because no matter how big or poufy or unstylish you think it looks now... you both look like you're in heaven. You loved each other so much and still do. And THAT is what is evident in those photos.

Posted by: Mari at September 29, 2005 12:00 PM

I want the hair. I was only 9 in 1990, but I wanted my bangs like that, and they WOULDN'T POUF. Evil hair.
I'm planning my wedding right now, and so far my mantra has been "when I look at these pictures in 20 years, will I groan?" But I dunno-those are so awesome that I'm tempted to just make everything very current and fab, and give the kids a good laugh later. (Who am I kidding? They are going to laugh no matter what. Especially when they figure out what mom and dad had to DO to bring them into the world.)

Posted by: vdoprincess at September 29, 2005 12:07 PM

hahaha

I was going to comment on the glasses too.

I had some just like them but they were dark frames. Made me look like an owl!

Do you think you learned from your wedding what NOT to do in 25 years?
Or will it fade and you will do the same thing?

Posted by: Mary at September 29, 2005 12:16 PM

Oh sweetie, if you want to talk about dated, you should see pictures from my aunt and uncle's wedding in 1977 - his tux was black and white paisley. PAISLEY!!! And he had a giant moustache, to top it all off.

There are still plenty of women who wear wedding dresses like that today. Well, maybe not with quite so puffy sleeves, but for many women, the more pouffy and princessy and beaded and lacy the dress, the better. The veil, though? Very 1990.

Posted by: stephanie at September 29, 2005 12:19 PM

oh my, I think we could have been wedding twins. except for hte makeup part--- I was married in 1994, and for some reason though that the $2 hooker look would equate to virginal and chaste. Wrong on all counts!!!!

hahaha.

Posted by: cmhl at September 29, 2005 12:25 PM

dude, that cake is pretty kickass! and my mom totally did my bangs like that in 1990. and she wonders why i don't plan on letter her near me on my wedding day... i'm doing the same thing vdoprincess is doing - "will this look totally ridiculous in photos later?" unfortunately, i'm pretty sure no matter what the answers is "yes".

Posted by: geeky at September 29, 2005 12:40 PM

I would have given ANYTHING to have been able to paint my face like a 2 dollah ho on that day.

Except stand up to my parents. Oh, noooo.

Posted by: Y at September 29, 2005 12:41 PM

Oh and about the glasses... YES, THEY WERE HUGE and they have been known to be The butt of many jokes in our family.

Posted by: Y at September 29, 2005 12:46 PM

That cake is scary.

Did you go blind from the reflection off of Tony's glasses as you were looking into his eyes at the altar? ;) (Kidding!!!)

You know that wedding dress will be back in style in another ten years!

(You looked beautiful in it, though!)

Posted by: Lisa at September 29, 2005 01:07 PM

I thought the cake was great and the wedding looked great and the dress was great, and all was in 1990 and was all very stylish back then !

Posted by: heatherg at September 29, 2005 01:10 PM

dude, I am so jealous of the fountain, too. I am TOTALLY having one at my wedding!

Posted by: reese at September 29, 2005 01:13 PM

I am so sorry about the alien space ship that landed on your head during the wedding. That IS what the huge white starburst on your head is, right?!
I wore make-up at my wedding, but same as you, the parents religion made things weird. We had no meat at the reception. No booze. No meat. My new father-in-law barely survived.

Posted by: Tammy/averagemom at September 29, 2005 01:45 PM

ROFL...I dunno, I think the best part of that whole montage was that at the bottom of the post, after seeing the last picture you're ashamed of, is those two kids sitting on the bed with G screaming her ass off.

You had bad hair, but you make great kids.

Posted by: Nopoodle at September 29, 2005 02:30 PM

I liked you until I got a look at that cake! Damn! That's an awesome cake. I've never even been a guest at a wedding that had a cake like that.

I think the look on Tony's face was "Man, I get to stuff her enchilada that I can see right now with my X-Ray glasses!

Honestly, I think you look beautiful....and a lot like Gabby.

Posted by: Debbie at September 29, 2005 02:45 PM

ok, that veil is totally wack. TOTALLY.

Posted by: cor at September 29, 2005 03:01 PM

These photos just made me laugh so loud I woke my daughter up. I love them! You two are ADORABLE.
Wonder what Gabby's wedding dress will look like . . think she'll want to wear yours?

Posted by: Amy at September 29, 2005 03:08 PM

Good lord, woman. It looks like you'd need a shirpa to help you trek across that wedding cake. :)

You look beautiful; it's your WEDDING day, for pete's sake! But, I won't blow sunshine up your ass: the sepia do kind of remind me of those old fashioned saloon photos you'd take at the mall. Remember those? I have one somewhere from 8th grade that is SO BAD...

*finds*

Posted by: Joelle at September 29, 2005 03:11 PM

What I can't believe is that you had the BIGGEST HAIR ON EARTH, and it was covered by the BIGGEST VEIL ON EARTH, and yet...you still were STUNNING!

Posted by: Annika at September 29, 2005 03:26 PM

Joelle beat me to it—I was going to ask if the dress and tuxedo were tied up the back. Haaaaaaaa!

Girl, we've all done wrong and blamed it on 1990. Or in my case, 1989. You may have been virginal, but I was strapless. WITH A BOLERO. And a bow like a chevy on my ass.

Posted by: Mindy at September 29, 2005 03:55 PM

Actually, I like the veil/dress. Then again, I grew up on the South Side of Chicago with an Italian and Polish. Trust me, I was the QUEEN of bad taste and style.

Posted by: girlpease at September 29, 2005 05:23 PM

Regardless of the year, you looked beautiful and happy! I just looked at my wedding pictures from 2001, and they don't look outdated... yet. We look happy, and that's what I think counts.

I had glasses like that in the late 80's, but they were red... this cute guy in 6th grade called me Sally (jesse raphael).

Posted by: elizabeth at September 29, 2005 05:25 PM

You guys look HAPPY and that's all that counts. And seriously, a blog back then wouldn't have saved you because that was the style. Women would have been saying "I love the veil, I love the hair" etc. At least you have pictures to look back at and make fun of, all I have is, well, nothing (our wedding consisted of a courthouse and $25). No wait, I think the "oh, it's only $13 because it's on clearance!" white dress I bought at Deb's in the mall is turning yellow in a closet someplace. So our "wedding" was $38.

Posted by: Jen at September 29, 2005 05:58 PM

that cake...OMG that cake...i can't get over it !!!!!

you looked beautiful but soooooooo young!!!! and the best part is that you two are still together after all this time....the love on that day continues to shine through for you both...it's awesome to see *VBS*

ummm that veil.....that one pic where tony can't even get near you coz of it.....

aaah thank you so much for that....made my day....really did

Posted by: Fiona at September 29, 2005 06:01 PM

I got married 20 days after I met my husband. We told our friends on Wednesday that we were getting married on Saturday. I wore a black evening suit. BLACK. And I had wedding flan. Yes. FLAN.

But at least I don't have any pictures of butt bows ...

Then again, I'm single now. I'd rather have pictures of poof than a jacked up marriage.

Posted by: debutaunt at September 29, 2005 06:08 PM

Forget the veil. I'm still dealing with Tony's glasses. Did the eye doctor think that his cheeks were nearsighted too?

But yeah- that is one big ass veil. lol

You were a very pretty bride though- you looked so happy and in love and excited to be married. You two are a great couple.

Posted by: Michelle at September 29, 2005 06:36 PM

Y, your cake frightens me a bit. It's abnormally large, and this sinister.

:)

Posted by: Girl at September 29, 2005 07:12 PM

I think they are funny and wonderful. You both look so happy! The bangs are fitting. The cake is- no comment. These are great, Y. And now, bug Mamacita until she posts her wedding pictures as she says she will. I want to see those, too.

Posted by: vicki at September 29, 2005 07:16 PM

I had hair just like that. And I can't blame it on my mother. It was all me. (And all 1988.)

I think your dress is beautiful. Maximum princess dress. And who doesn't want to be a princess on her wedding day?

But the picture of the two of you is the best. Because you can see how happy you are. And you still are.

Congratulations.

Posted by: Suzi at September 29, 2005 07:36 PM

You didn't even NEED makeup. What are you talking about!??

Posted by: Broad at September 29, 2005 07:41 PM

I hope that whole cake wasn't traditional fruit cake, coz DAMN, with a cake that big, you'd want at least some of it to be chocolate.

Posted by: Mellissa at September 29, 2005 10:12 PM

Mmmm....big cake.

When Gabby gets married, that dress and veil will be back in fashion and she'll scream happily and hug you and say "Oh yes, mom! I want to wear that at my wedding" You just wait.

Glad you're back. :)

Posted by: Autumn at September 29, 2005 10:40 PM

The two of you are so damn happy it doesn't matter how you all looked. And I think you look gorgeous!

Posted by: etherian at September 29, 2005 10:56 PM

But you look happy and in love and that's all that matters.

Posted by: Trace at September 29, 2005 11:53 PM

i think i just peed a little from laughing so hard. but let me clarify that i laughed in a more than loving way. this is awesome!!! and i hope in 15 years i'll still be as much in love with my man and be able to look at hilariously unstylish but yet so cute (in their own, happy way) pictures ;)

Posted by: kim at September 30, 2005 06:05 AM

I think you look great! I was married in '94 and I think I have an identical dress. LOL

Posted by: Laurie at September 30, 2005 07:15 AM

Dang girl, ya make me wanna go get a can of Pink AquaNet (do they still make that???) and tease myself up some BANGS!

Cute photos though; oh the good 'ole days of the tiny waist, I remember them well.

Posted by: Esperanza at September 30, 2005 08:10 AM

do you have any of that cake left? ;)

I think you look beautiful!

Posted by: mel at September 30, 2005 08:45 AM

Yvonne, I laugh at that. not because it is hilarious, well okay really it is... but because I too was married in the early 90's and know ALL about the big poofy bangs and the big pufy sleeves... although I had a big puffy tummy to go with my puffy sleeves!!! I seriously look back at my weedding pictures and pictures from when I had my kids for that matter and think "What the hell was I thinking". But your mom's friends 'stylist' sure did a number on those bangs! good thing you are as beautiful as you are or they would look well.... I won't say.

Have a good weekend girlie! Oh and you mention that it is against your parents religion to wear make-up, if you don't mind me asking can I ask what religion that is, it sounds VERY similar to my husbands parents religion. You don't have to answer if you don't want to or you can also email me if you want.

Posted by: kimmie at September 30, 2005 05:22 PM

Oh girly~Q you were beautiful then, you're beautiful now, don't think you will EVER be ugly no matter what!

Posted by: Anne at October 2, 2005 08:59 AM

Dude, how I remember those veils. Everyone was doing them. I had to hunt high and low to find one that wasn't a poofy thing with the "Tonto headband" as I liked to call it.

I tried to find a way to comment on your pictures with your always beautiful and amazing daughter over on Flickr, but ... alas, there was no option. :( So I will say it here - those ones of you and her, where you are spending some time "girl talking"? FABULOUS. What a beautiful moment. Treasure those - she is amazing! (And so are you!)

Posted by: Christine at October 7, 2005 11:23 PM

No way, it isn't ugly. In fact I like these pics. Looking great both of you.

Posted by: Samuel at October 12, 2005 03:46 AM

Two things,

1. Your dress reminds me of the wedding dress at the end of the film "The Little Mermaid," which came out in approximately 1990 and since I was 6 or 7 at the time forever established the concept of what a wedding is supposed to look like in my mind as a grand affair on a boat with puffy sleeves just like yours (I got married last week and poet sleeves won out over puffy for some reason).

2. The phrase "I'm like THIS CLOSE to Stuffing her Enchilada," is wickedly hilarious. :)

Posted by: mgg at November 1, 2005 12:03 PM
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About Y
My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 15 year old son, a 11 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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