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October 17, 2005
But, really, I'm fine!

Yesterday, the clouds rolled in and the skies turned dark and gray. Very much a reflection of how I've been feeling the past couple of weeks. The pain and frustration within is starting to manifest itself in everything I do (and have not done, for that matter.)

Anything I write makes me sound like a whiny, bitter old hag, so I've tried to keep my "mouth shut". Don't talk much around the house because you can only say "Everything is blurry in my right eye and OUCH I hurt" so many times before you become VERY AND HIGHLY ANNOYING.

I have an appointment at 3 today, because, well, does anyone know what the organ located just under the right rib is? Because I keep getting very sharp, cramp like pains there and it's all sore.

See? Boring and annoying. (but seriously, if you know what organ is located there, holla at your girl.)

All I do anymore is ask people body/bodily function questions. I can't tell you how many times I've stopped myself from writing a post in which I ask a question like "Is it normal when you're sleeping and suddenly you feel all of this pressure in your face and head, and you feel as though you may explode?"

This is too overwhelming for me. I've convinced myself I'm dying of something and it's only a matter of time before the doctors discover the massive tumor or terminal disease and I can jump up, point my fingers at them and go "WHO'S CRAZY AND MAKING IT ALL UP IN THEIR HEADS NOW, BITCHES? HAAAAAAAAAA!"

I'm thinking of shutting down this blog until I feel better. Notice I said THINKING. And I'm not saying it to be dramatic, or to hope you'll beg me not to go, ok? It's just, well, when people tell me that they're dozing off halway through my entries, or I get hate mail saying that I'm just whining for attention, it may be a sign that it's TIME TO JUST LET IT GO.

I'm worn out. Tired of feeling sick, tired of talking about feeling sick, tired of writing about feeling sick but mostly? I'M TIRED OF THIS DAMN NEIGHBORHOOD.

Let me give you a little run down of the past few days here.

Backyard neighbors had 3 parties in a row in which there was music so loud my walls shook, and whoo hoooooing hobags (which, I'm not judging, I'm just sayin...).

First grader next door walks up to me, looks me in my eyes and says "Hey, DID YOU CALL CPS ON MY MOM?" (answer? No. but I know who did) The next day, a note on the truck that said "I am NOT a tweeker, the marks on my arm are from psoriasis, GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT".

Crackhead uncle called his friends to jack all the shit out of the truck abandoned by the dude who lived in the neighbors RV for MONTHS (and left behind a double sided dildo along with hermaph*dite adult videos, but that's besides the point really, but, yet, HAHAHHAHA).

I hear screaming, bottles breaking and my husband shouting DON'T DO SOMETHING YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET, run outside to find the OTHER neighbor is fighting with his son and THERE IS A KNIFE AND THERE IS BLOOD. The father is telling is calling the son names like "fucker" and "asshole" and the son is holding a knife saying "I"ll see you at work, PUNK." and my husband is holding the father back (HUGE MAN.) and REMEMBER, THERE WAS BLOOD, so I'm freaking out because BLOOD. KNIVES. FATHER. SON. OMG. The son came at the dad one last time and I jumped in and said "Please, my GOD, I have kids inside, they don't need to see this shit, PLEASE." It worked and son left while threatening to finish the job at work.

What is wrong with these people? Surely, if they knew I had The Blurry Eye With Shooting Pain, they'd not try to stab each other! Perhaps I should write a note of my own and post it on the rear window of my van.

"Dear Neighbors, I'm currently suffering from Blurry Eye and Numb Foot, and when y'all are cutting each other and throwing glass bottles, you cause it to flare up. It's not cool to make people flare up, so please, put the knives (and the VERY LARGE double sided dildos, for that matter, because no one wants to know what you do with that thing, Joey.) away and LET US LIVE IN PEACE."

(no time to edit, so, feel free to point out the mistakes and maybe I'll fix it later.)

Posted by Y at October 17, 2005 09:45 AM
Comments

Looks like you need to move near me. Houses you can afford, school in walking distance, huge yard, and well, ME.

Posted by: girlplease at October 17, 2005 10:57 AM

You asked about the organ under your right rib, and I'm no doctor, but! have you considered that it might be your appendix? Not sure how that would (or would not) affect your eye or foot, but sharp stabbing pains on your right side sounds like an appendix about to burst. Given how you've felt lately, it wouldn't be surprising, assuming yours is still intact. ?? Best of luck with the doctor today, let us know how it goes. I'll be checking back with ya. {{hugs}}

Posted by: Aims at October 17, 2005 11:10 AM

Your gallbladder is under your ribs on your right side. It can cause extreme pain. Have it checked out.

Posted by: Kellerbell at October 17, 2005 11:24 AM

I agree with aims. Bring it up at the doctor's office. Have them check it, and do some bloodwork for inflammation.

Hope you're feeling better soon. Do what you feel like you have to do with your blog. It's your blog, and if you don't feel right about blogging what's going on, it's your call.

But I'll miss you if that's what you decide to do.

-H

Posted by: hed at October 17, 2005 11:25 AM

That organ under your ribs on the right side would be your gallbladder. I had to have mine out about 9 years ago.

Posted by: Kittymama at October 17, 2005 12:28 PM

geez in a neighborhood like that, no wonder you have Blurry Eye and Numb Foot! i think you need a vacation, followed by a move out to the east coast where you could probably buy a mansion for what you pay for your house!

Posted by: geeky at October 17, 2005 12:30 PM

checking it out is the best advice one could give. i don't think we should add to the concern by guessing what her medical condition is.

Posted by: girlplease at October 17, 2005 12:41 PM

On the bright side, Y, at least you didn't BUY that house in that neighborhood back when it was reasonable.
HOpe you are feeling better soon.

Posted by: Amy at October 17, 2005 12:44 PM

It is the gallbladder. I should know because I had trouble with mine for two years straight and dumped (lol) over 100 pounds because of it. But then again I started off weighing 236 pounds and ended up at the end before I got it taken care of weighing 105. I had to take care of it cause I couldn't eat and I was losing weight like crazy, and now I'm back up to 120 and have stayed that way for four years so all is well and good with me, but yes your gallbladder. Have it checked :)

Posted by: Kristina at October 17, 2005 12:46 PM

Could be gallbladder.

Had mine out about 4 months ago, but there was no "It's hurts here and there" it was more of a "slap your fucking mama,. this bitch under the right tit is fucking eating through me" kinda pain so i'm not so sure it would be your gall bladder.

Whatever it is- have it checked out! Thats your best bet!

Posted by: heatherg at October 17, 2005 01:25 PM

OY! That sounds very stressful. I thought you might have gotten a break from the noise since they moved the party across the street from my house Saturday night in all its bass pounding glory.

When the parents are gone, the kids will play. It went on until 4 a.m. I feel your pain.

Be sure to get your blood work done, and since you have pretty good insurance maybe ask for an MRI of some sort. You've been having too many problems in the last few months for them not to take a more serious look.

Posted by: Mieke at October 17, 2005 01:45 PM

The house next to me is for sale. Please be my neighbors?

Posted by: Mamacita at October 17, 2005 02:23 PM

Hmm, it sounds like your liver or maybe a lung. So nothing nonessential. Don't panic! But if the doctor tries to tell you it's "stress," kick him in the nuts and GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

Posted by: Annika at October 17, 2005 02:36 PM

Hmmm, being pregnant is like being stoned - total disconnect between what I think and what I type. I am fairly sure I meant to either say "nothing essential" or "totally nonessential," thus bringing levity to what seems like a serious concern. But alas, I am stoopid.

Posted by: Annika at October 17, 2005 02:49 PM

Aw, man. Even when you're down, you make me laugh like an idiot.

Time to move to Texas, kid.

Posted by: Tanya at October 17, 2005 03:00 PM

i'm sorry, Y.

i'm trying to be concerned for you. i want you to feel better. i wish you didn't have that weird pain thing under your rib.

but all i can think about is the double ended dildo, the "3 Men and a Maybe" videos, which, of course, don't matter to the story, but A-HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Posted by: mikey at October 17, 2005 03:18 PM

appendix? gallbladder? dildo that went up too far?

haha. also, tanya is right, texass needs you. you need the sweat. the sweat is good for you.

also, who sent those emails because i am mean and pregnant and need to kick butt.

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at October 17, 2005 03:29 PM

appendix? Liver, too.

Posted by: Sarah at October 17, 2005 04:11 PM

It's ok if you guys aren't all "Aw, feel better". I WANT YOU TO LAUGH WITH ME.

Or at me, whichever. Because, I'm? Fine.

Posted by: Y at October 17, 2005 04:24 PM

aaawww Y i feel for you.....wish i had some advice

and through it all you still keep laughing...and keep us laughing....dear lord when you started talking about your note ....hahahahahhahaha oh dear!!!!!

i hope you get things sorted out soon...my thoughts are with you

Posted by: Fiona at October 17, 2005 05:12 PM

hahahahahaha...The Blurry Eye With Shooting Pain.
If you lived next door to my house, you'd want to call the CPS and cops on us because we yell so much. But, we keep it down after dark, afterall, people have to sleep! And we don't have any double sided dildoes or hermaphradite movies laying about. We like to keep that kind of stuff to ourselves. hehehe

Posted by: NinaKaye at October 17, 2005 05:27 PM

I DO NOT GET all this "sounds like lung..liver..gallbladder...heart...brain...leg...foot...thumb..etcetcetcyadayadayadayougetthepointfercrissake.

Why would ANYBODY tell anybody else it sounds like your essential/nonessential whatever? I mean it's bad enough to google your own damn symptoms as it is, and trust me, I've done that and nearly killed myself with worry because whatever you DO google you have cancer, if you get my point. But to now read half a million other probabilities from people that have never even SEE the other person, well, sorry for my twelve unasked for cents, but this is just crazy. You're already unnerved as it is; you already said that, and it seems to me the WORST thing you could be doing is reading what a bunch of other, albeit well-intentioned, people have gone through and then it's going to translate into one more thing you probably have.

Holy shit. After reading the last few threads even I am beginning to feel sick.

Posted by: Vickie at October 17, 2005 06:08 PM

Vickie, it's ok. I've already thought the VERY WORST POSSIBLE THING. Nothing anyone here can say will freak me out anymore. I asked for it, by asking what the organ underneath my rib is. It's allllll good. But I don't want you to feel sick now! lol

They may be right though, doctor has ordered an ultrasound of my gullbladder and ordered lab work to check my liver function!

I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED ABOUT HAVING TESTS DONE ON MY BODY!

Posted by: Y at October 17, 2005 06:24 PM

First of all, what's a tweaker??

Second, please don't stop the blog. We would miss you terribly.

Third, I think its time to move.

Posted by: Debbie at October 17, 2005 06:37 PM

No shit, Vickie. This madness has to stop. Talk about getting people worked up. Unless anyone on this thing has a MD and has actually gave Y a physical and a battery of tests, I don't think they're qualified to diagnose her. Concern is one thing, causing chaos is another.

Next thing you'll hear, aliens took over her body all because someone Googled it.

Posted by: girlplease at October 17, 2005 06:38 PM

1. herpes
2. AIDS
3. cancer

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at October 17, 2005 07:19 PM

I'm in the L.A. area too, and I have to admit that this weather is very comforting to my depressed self. Its like a warm cozy blanket wrapped around me. The sunshine was making me feel sad that I don't feel well enough to go outside.

Anyway, I've been not feeling fantastic either lately and I have been totally getting the "shut up you faker" and "shut up please god make her stop" vibe from family lately. All you can do is work on getting better, and sounds like you are doing that.

Why is it that we think the worst is what the doctors will say? I'm that way too. It this what everyone does?

Posted by: Arianne at October 17, 2005 07:37 PM

I feel your pain. Seriously. Feel. It. Okay, not exactly where you have it, but still...pain.

Anyway, the heartbreak of psoriasis is similar to tweaking? Heh.

Don't go. I like whining. If whining wasn't allowed, I wouldn't have a blog.

Posted by: FlippyO at October 17, 2005 09:59 PM

You take nice pictures.

Posted by: Autumn at October 17, 2005 11:48 PM

By the way, you should consider moving to a cooler climate. In Minnesota, the fall is beautiful and in the winters you have snow. People don't cut each other in the winter...too cold. Murder rate drops dramatically. Everyone is too busy cuddling to keep warm.

Posted by: Autumn at October 17, 2005 11:51 PM

i hope you feel better. i really, really do. i wish there was something i could do. is there anything i can do? if i was closer, i would totally babysit the kids so you and tony could go out [me=high qualified, fun nanny/aupair]. or get drunk with you [me = high qualified in that field as well]. whichever you'd prefer... also, minnesota IS beautiful :)

Posted by: kim at October 18, 2005 02:31 AM

As I said the other day Y, you should really consider a Chiropractor.
Your numb foot could be a pinched nerve in your lower back or your hip area from holding Gabby or just from twisting or turning the wrong way.
Just try it.

Posted by: Amy S at October 18, 2005 06:58 AM

Y-
Have ya'll ever thought of moving-
not just moving out of that neighborhood, but moving out of Cali?

I hear Cali is $$$$$$$ to live there?

Have ya'll ever given it any thought?

Just wondering...........

Posted by: heatherg at October 18, 2005 07:05 AM

I'm gonna have to go with gallbladder too. the appendix is much lower on the body, in your intestinal area (I have several scars from that one). my mom had her gall bladder taken out several years ago after having several very bad gall bladder attacks. I think it's a fairly simple test to see if it's functioning correctly.

Posted by: girl at October 18, 2005 07:55 AM

Hey Y

(like you need this)

The house next to us is for rent, and I'm pretty sure it's bigger / cheaper than many in Cali; there are lots of jobs here (lowest unemployment in Tejas) and get this: not only is the liquor store within walking distance, but this place has a HOT TUB on the patio.

PLEASE come be my neighbor, I've been wanting to use that hot tub ever since they installed it (you know, it's all about ME)

Posted by: ben at October 18, 2005 08:20 AM

Well first of all, the organ under your right rib is your liver. You could be having gall bladder attacks. When I was having them, I felt like someone was killing me with a dull hot knife. Ask for an ultrasound of your gallbladder.

As far as shutting down your blog, please dont. You need a place to talk about what is going on. A place to vent and get support.

I too live with chronic pain. It is hard. You learn to cope, but it is a day to day thing.

Feel free to write if you want to. I'm a great listener. I've been where you are sweetie. (hugs)

Posted by: Lisa at October 18, 2005 08:22 AM

Ben, if she moves to Texas, SHE IS MOVING NEXT DOOR TO ME.

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at October 18, 2005 09:46 AM

Please DONT stop this blog! We all LOVE YOU!

Posted by: Kelly at October 18, 2005 12:30 PM

No need to point out mistakes, it's how you feel and how you wrote it at the time.
I really am hoping you feel better. Been there done that, and I hope the doctors can pinpoint the shitty pains so you can feel whole again.
And you SHOULD write the neighbors that note, and stick it on the RV... write it on POSTER BOARD.
Feel better Y.

Posted by: Mari at October 18, 2005 02:40 PM

Oh and another note... on the pain. It sounds like your gall bladder, I had serious pains in that area when I needed mine taken out. Do you have sharp shooting pains in your shoulders as well? Another sign.
Ask them to check that out.

Posted by: Mari at October 18, 2005 02:42 PM

i know it sucks to move, but i have to tell you that there is the cutest little boy living next door to me that would be PERFECT for miss gabby :)
besides, your boys could sled and snowboard and ice skate/hockey, build real snowmen, and have a snowball fight! AND it's really warm in the summer too!! there would be really cool jobs here for tony and we could hang out and you'd have a babysitter!! with references even!! AND i know cpr and first aid!! and i have child care classes! and experience. and i'm not 15 ;)

Posted by: jenny lee at October 18, 2005 04:07 PM

Dang! That's a little to much hard partying for my taste. We need you in the great state of Texas. There's a nice 2 story rental right down the street from me. Quiet neighborhood. Close to schools. Lots of kids running around. Nice neighbors. Hey, these people should pay me a fee for pitching their house. :)

Posted by: Marcy at October 18, 2005 07:22 PM

Glad to hear that they've order tests on your liver and an ultrasound for your gallbladder. Sounds pretty logical, all in all...I know far too many young people who've had to have their gallbladder removed. Luckily, for most people, it's a simple laproscopic outpatient surgery. Not that you'll need that...wait to see what the docs say.

Don't know what that'd have to do with the blurry eye and foot pain though. I agree with whomever said to check out a chiropractor. They seriously can help you get your spine and thus other things in order again. Think of it like a garden hose...if it's kinked off somewhere, it can't work properly. Your nerves are like that. If you're subluxated and your nerves are being pinched in any way, they can transmitt and receive signals properly. I know it'd kept me healthy for quite a while now. Most insurance companies will cover at least a few visits, too. :)

Good luck!

Posted by: Firebrand at October 19, 2005 05:20 PM
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About Y
My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 15 year old son, a 11 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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