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October 19, 2005
Renewed Cheese

It's that time again. Time where I update The World Wide Web on my weight loss journey.

Everytime I do it, I open myself up to mean, hurtful comments, I open myself up to judgements and criticism, I open myself up to embarassment and shame.

But, I also realise that I have a great deal of support from the people who read this, and that is more important to me than the negativity.

Writing about my struggle with weight, about the ups and the downs, the highs and the very VERY lows, about my shame, about my failures, about my triumphs, helps get me through this.

I recently joined weight watchers again, because, well, I wasn't making it on my own anymore. I had lost all hope that I'd ever lose The Fat. Combine that with how shitty and sick I've felt, I'd pretty much given up hope.

But, I got fed up with letting the sick, the pain and The Effin' Fat win. So, I renewed my commitment to getting healthy. I've started eating healthier and, in spite of feeling like shit, I've been dragging my ass (notice I did not PREface "ass" with "fat"?! I want you to notice that because THAT is progress, people.) to the gym every night.

First week back to WW and I'm down another 6.5 with FOURTY FIVE to go. (ok, it actually should be 55, but that's looking mighty impossible, so, 45 it is.) I'll admit I felt somewhat "weak" for going back to weight watchers again. I wanted to do this "on my own" so I could say "I did it without any help! All by myself!" But I "got a grip" because, man, we ALL need help sometimes. There's NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING HELP. (And yes, I'm still trying to convince myself of that because I have "issues" with asking for/accepting help. Then again, I have "issues" with EVERYTHING.)

Posted by Y at October 19, 2005 12:00 PM
Comments

Wow! I think you look awesome! I know I don't comment too often, but I do keep up with your blog. Don't feel weak because you are going to WW. Everyone has some kind of "tool" they use to lose weight--whether it is weight loss surgery, a structured program, a trainer, or a cook. WW is the tool that you have chosen and it is a healthy choice at that. You're doing an awesome job!

Posted by: Hilary at October 19, 2005 01:27 PM

Look at you! It's obvious you've been working hard, and you *deserve* to be healthy. And good job on not typing "fat" before "ass" :)

Posted by: Louise at October 19, 2005 01:30 PM

you'll get no negativity from me - i've seen you in person recently, and i can honestly say, you look awesome.

hahahahah i just thought of you singing "i want it that way."

Posted by: mikey at October 19, 2005 01:30 PM

I see nuthin' but progress in those pictures girl...Progress is progress. I had to learn to be happy if I lost .5 a week...down is down! :D

Posted by: Itchy at October 19, 2005 01:38 PM

Wow, Y, you are looking great! Keep at it, I know you can do it.

Posted by: gc at October 19, 2005 01:48 PM

My daughter (aged 15) and I started Weight Watchers together last week. She lost four pounds the first week...me only 1, but I'll keep trying.

You shouldn't feel defeated to go to WW. I've heard before...food is the hardest addiction to beat because you still HAVE TO EAT. So why not get a helping hand.

Good luck girl!

Posted by: Nopoodle at October 19, 2005 01:54 PM

Good for you! Now, I need to get my own ass in gear. Lately the chocolate frosting in a can has been winning the battle.

Posted by: Tammy/averagemom at October 19, 2005 02:14 PM

Lookin' HOT, Mama! Woo!

Posted by: chasmyn at October 19, 2005 02:14 PM

Good Luck! It looks like if you lose 55 more pounds there won't be anything left of you!

Posted by: Kat at October 19, 2005 02:20 PM

Dude, you look frickin good. You'll get there in no time:)

Posted by: Aitch at October 19, 2005 02:26 PM

Kat, trust me, I could lose 55 more pounds. Baby Got Back.

Posted by: Y at October 19, 2005 02:27 PM

Forget this do it on your own shit. Don't you think Oprah thinks she has "done it on her own"? She is totally all about the personal chef, personal trainer, and I am sure she even has a personal ass kisser (oh yeah - her bf Gayle!).

You need support and WW will give you that. One day at a time Y, one day at a time.

Posted by: Debbie at October 19, 2005 02:36 PM

Going to Weight Watchers isn't weak. It's totally strong. It's hard to make a commitment like that. (You might actually talk me into it, yet.)

You look awesome. As usual, but, like, skinnier awesome. Patience, grasshoppa.

Posted by: Tanya at October 19, 2005 02:54 PM

can i just say that it is fucking awesome how much you've lost, and how well you've stuck to it? not many people will do what you have done, so be proud of yourself!

Posted by: geeky at October 19, 2005 03:03 PM

You look amazing, and there isn't a damn thing wrong with asking for a little help and support when you're struggling. Best of luck to you.

Posted by: poobou at October 19, 2005 03:13 PM

rawr!

Posted by: shy me at October 19, 2005 03:15 PM

Look at the curves. You look great. Keep up the good work.

Posted by: M at October 19, 2005 03:39 PM

I wish I had some fat pants...oh wait, I do...I still fit in them.
Keep on working out and doing the WW thing. I was on WW for about a month last year, and it worked great. Of course, I stopped it and ate myself back to where I started. hehe

Posted by: NinaKaye at October 19, 2005 03:42 PM

totally amazing. i can't get over how much you've lost. you are actually give me the motivation to start losing the weight i gained while i was carrying my son... 9 years ago. it's about time i get it off. thanks so much, Y!! CONGRATS!!

Posted by: Jessica at October 19, 2005 03:57 PM

WOW! You look amazing!!! You are doing wonderful! And who cares if you went back to WW, you were able to recognize that you needed a little bit more help and went that extra mile. Keep it up!!!

Posted by: ayesha97 at October 19, 2005 03:59 PM

as your internet friend i want to remind you of something.

everytime you put yourself down, think of your daughter.

Posted by: jenny lee at October 19, 2005 04:19 PM

um, ARE YOU LOOKING AT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE TWO PICTURES???!!!! That is amazing! Instead of always looking at how far you have to go, take a minute to REALLY appreciate what you've done so far! That is amazing! You look great! And even more important than that (truly) is what you have already done for your body's health. How much have you lost already????? I think you look so fantastic. And I KNOW you can keep it up. I recently went back to weight watchers too, we will do it together!! You inspire me!!!

Posted by: CA at October 19, 2005 04:20 PM

Y, that is awesome. You have come so far! Good for you for going back - whatever it takes! Keep on keeping on! You will succeed.

For whatever it's worth, you look great!

Posted by: Ms. Q at October 19, 2005 04:51 PM

You look fabulous! Congratulations and keep it up. :)

Posted by: eve at October 19, 2005 04:53 PM

You're doing such a great job. I know how tough it is, I am dealing with weight struggles myself. It is brave and admirable of you to share your struggle...it inspires people like me to do that workout even though it feels like the never ending struggle. Be proud of yourself...you're changing and succeeding and getting there and "doing" it...and pushing me to keep going too.

Posted by: PoeticaL at October 19, 2005 04:56 PM

Y, you look GREAT! I just have the "start" picture now, you motivate me to get some "during" and one day, an "after" picture! Hilary is right, we do all have a tool to help us. Right now mine is a journal and calorie book. If things don't pick up, I myself am going back to WW for the one millionth time!

Posted by: Jen at October 19, 2005 05:17 PM

way to go yvonne...and getting support isn't weak, it's strong...going into a group and 'outing' yourself is strong....good on you

whatever you need, it's what you need and if it helps it's all good yvonne *S*...i know it's a tough tough tough thing...i'm still sitting here at 245 and wanting to find that spark to set me off on the path to lose....

and personally i'm inspired by you....takes the iced green tea frap OFF the menu for today *L*...so there, you've helped me do that today....hugs

Posted by: Fiona at October 19, 2005 05:44 PM

Holy shit did you do GOOD, girl. You're looking great.

Good for you that you're starting up again. You're doing a lot better than most of us who come right home and sit on the couch.

Posted by: girlplease at October 19, 2005 06:26 PM

I just signed up for WW and go to my first meeting tomorrow. I'm 40 and fearless but this still scares me. Because I have failed in nothing in my life EXCEPT weight management. I love reading inspirational stuff like yours. I think you look smokin' just how you are now. In 45 more pounds? Hell, we won't even be able to see you in the picture if you turn sideways.

I blogged about joining WW yesterday. You can ready my fear exposed here: http://justlinda.blogspot.com/2005/10/changes-they-are-brewin.html

Wish me luck... (even just half as much success as you've had would be welcomed!)

Posted by: JustLinda at October 19, 2005 07:17 PM

de-lurking to say what amazing progress you've made! you should be proud of yourself. you look awesome!

Posted by: Johanna at October 19, 2005 07:45 PM

you go hottie!!!, god, you look so wonderful. i wish i could join weight watchers. but my mommy wants us to "do it alone." and i want to "hit her in the face." but, as the philosopher jagger once said, you can't always get what you want.

Posted by: Sarah at October 19, 2005 09:05 PM

oh, and as the philosopher grandpa said, "if at first you don't succeed, keep on suckin' till ya do succeed." He also gave me this charming little number: "a sigh is but a breath of wind, which makes its origins in the heart. But, should it take a downward turn, it's commonly called a fart." you should come on car tripe with us. we're kind of rednecks. Much love, you fine young thing! im here if you need me.

Posted by: Sarah at October 19, 2005 09:10 PM

:) You'll do it.

I really want you to feel as pretty as I think you are. You're gorgeous. Sincerely. There are so many things I envy about you.

Do what you have to do so that you feel gorgeous in your own head. Ok? I'll shut up now.

Posted by: Autumn at October 19, 2005 09:36 PM

You look great! You make me want to get back on the WW wagon.

Posted by: lex at October 19, 2005 10:44 PM

i should probably go back, too. but pizza's just SO GOOD... you rock, Y. you'll make it. give it some time. you're come really far and it won't happen within a few weeks. but it will happen!

Posted by: kim at October 20, 2005 01:31 AM

You look great and I am motivated by those pictures!!! You have done a great job losing all that weight!

Posted by: leslie at October 20, 2005 04:56 AM

Fabulous, dahling. Seriously - you look amazing.

Posted by: erika at October 20, 2005 04:57 AM

Y,
Going to Weight Watchers is a smart choice, not admitting weakness. As your bro-in-law's best friend Bono says, sometimes you can't make it on your own.

In your before and after pix, it's obvious you lost tons of weight and you look so much healthier! Congrats on your achievements, and remember how far you've come as you keep going!

Best of luck to you :)
-P

Posted by: p at October 20, 2005 07:13 AM

Now i'm depressed, i look like the woman on the left.
I did weight watchers, frankly, i just cant afford it and 4 kids and, and, and........ theres always so much else that has to get paid. I'm going to cut down on the sugars and sodas and things like that, and you are such an inspiration, i hope one day soon i will look like the picture on the right!!

Thanks for letting me see, that I, too can go from the left pic to the right one. You are a hottie and i wanna be a hottie too!!!

Posted by: Heatherg at October 20, 2005 07:26 AM

I'm proud of you! And I also know how you feel.

I've been struggling to "do it on my own" lately. I've felt like going back to WW indicates weakness, that I can't even take care of myself.

But now I'm thinking of going back. I just keep sliding further and further into "no point" oblivion. It's not good.

They can help you a lot with losing those last 45 pounds. But you've done a LOT on your own, and give yourself credit for it. And know that going back to WW is a smart decision to help you continue with your goals. It's not a weak decision!

Posted by: reese at October 20, 2005 08:06 AM

OMG! Look at you! Such a difference in those two photos! You look FABULOUS, hon!

Posted by: Lisa at October 20, 2005 08:25 AM

Seriously, y... You look great!

Posted by: :: jozjozjoz :: at October 20, 2005 09:04 AM

You are doing great! You should really be proud of yourself. I still think you are quite hot.

Posted by: Macca at October 20, 2005 09:05 AM

Gawd!! You look great! Keep it up woman!

Posted by: Greta at October 20, 2005 09:11 AM

Hi!

I'm de'lurking to say congrats! You look amazing in that picture!

I had gastric bypass, so I really understand where your coming from with the whole weight-issue.... so I just wanted to say that 6.5 pounds in a week, is FANTASTIC!

-Katie

Posted by: Katie at October 20, 2005 09:25 AM

Maybe I need to start posting pictures of my largess on the internet to motivate myself. I tend to only focus on my rack when I look in the mirror.

AND WHO COULD BLAME ME?

But still. I've got a good 45 pounds to lose, too.

Posted by: Jenny at October 20, 2005 09:33 AM

Oh, and that was all about me. You're doing great, Y!

Posted by: Jenny at October 20, 2005 09:35 AM

Oh, you look wonderful! Keep it up!

Posted by: chaeriste at October 20, 2005 09:49 AM

That's awesome, Y. I am going to have to look to you for some inspiration on my own journey. I've got about 60-80 pounds to lose, and I keep welching on my commitment. I keep saying "tomorrow". I know that doesn't do my any good, but I do it anyway. And I keep beating myself up about it instead of doing something productive about it. This post motivates me. Thanks for sharing. I understand how hard it is to open yourself up to criticism and negativity, but to do it in spite of that is brave. Thanks.

Posted by: jo-fo at October 20, 2005 10:10 AM

Whoo-hoo! You go girl! You can do it!

Posted by: Colleen at October 20, 2005 10:30 AM

I don't think you all know how much your support and encouragement means to me.

Thank you. xoxo

Posted by: Y at October 20, 2005 10:34 AM

You look fabulous. I read you everyday, but this is the first time I have commented. How much weight have you lost since the first pic?

Also, your baby girl is so damn cute.

Posted by: Dawn at October 20, 2005 10:48 AM

Chiquita! You are my self-constructive heroine!

Keep up the fantastic work!

-H

Posted by: hed at October 20, 2005 10:56 AM

My mom's been struggling with her weight since I was born. (That's approximately 27 years.) A few years ago she finally signed up with weight watchers and started to feel good about herself for the first time in over twenty years. Getting help and support is not weak. It is self-preservation. Please don't hate the way you look for twenty years.

Posted by: Annika at October 20, 2005 11:05 AM

You look frickin awesome, woman! I'm so so proud of you. You're looking waaaaaay hott.

Posted by: vdoprincess at October 20, 2005 11:25 AM

Me LIKEY!!!!

You are looking HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep it up!!!!

I am down 13 with a hell of a lot more to go but you keep me going!!!!

THANK YOU Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Kelly at October 20, 2005 11:42 AM

You Look Freaking Fantastic! Woo Hoo! Go You!

Posted by: Nicole at October 20, 2005 11:42 AM

Woo woo! Regular reader, not so often commenter but I have to say I'm so proud of you. You are taking the steps to find the healthier you. Keep up the great work!

Posted by: Katie at October 20, 2005 11:42 AM

58 comments?

Damn girl!

You look GREAT!!!!

You and my friend Leigh have really inspired me today!!!

her site is

http://keepin-it-real1.tripod.com/keepin-it-real1/


Is your husband just like ALL over you now??

lol

Posted by: Mary at October 20, 2005 01:27 PM

I haven't read your blog in ages and ages. When I stumbled by today I read just what I needed to. Congratulations on your courage. Congratulations on going back to WW. I'm sitting here in overwhelming discomfort thinking I can do something about this on my own. I can see how that's been working for me so far. I guess I'll go ask for help too. Thanks.

Posted by: Jennifer at October 20, 2005 01:37 PM

And I just have to say that for the first time since I lost my father on July 3rd of this year, I WORKED OUT! And it felt fantastic!

You have no idea how much you encourage others. Thanks again!

-H

Posted by: hed at October 20, 2005 01:51 PM

First of all, women, I take offense to the whole Weight Watchers NOT "doing it on your own" thing. Compared to the other options like stapling your innards, going to the gym and WW IS doing it all on your own. I CLING to the fact that it's "doing it on my own" because I don't believe in WLS and I take great pride in the fact that I lost weight with WW, as opposed to starving or surgery or pills or a case of Milk of Magnesia. If WW isn't doing it on my own, then I might as well get the surgery, no? If that's not "on your own" then WHAT IS?

I'm VERY proud of you and don't think for one second that WW a cop-out or "weak". It's not and you KNOW it's not. You're rockin' it, mama. You can do it and like you said, there is nothing wrong with support. Support does not mean they're doing it FOR you.

I loves you.

Posted by: Joelle at October 20, 2005 06:58 PM

First of all, women? LOL. woMAN. Oy. Get outta my pre-face. ;)

Posted by: Joelle at October 20, 2005 06:59 PM

Dude, I know, you're so right.

It's not that I think ww is an easy way out, because I DON'T. It's just a tool, but you have to do all of the work, make the right choices, plan your meals. That's why I love it.

ALl I meant was that I'm a FREAK who has issues with asking for help, and for some reason, this time around, I felt a little bit bad for having to go back to it. I wanted to use the skills I had learned from there and do it "on my own" Which, is STUPID I know, it's just I HAVE ISSUES.

You should know that by now. I'm so glad I have you to kick my ass and stuff.

Posted by: Y at October 20, 2005 07:43 PM

Y, you are a total inspiration to me! You're looking completely hot and you don't even realize it yet. Would love to email with you as I need as much encouragement as I can get. I, too, need to lose 50-60 lbs. Gah, just typing that makes me wanna go run and puke!

Kudos to you woman! You are AWESOME!!!!!

Posted by: Stacie at October 22, 2005 05:23 AM

Wow!!! Look at you!! You look great!

Posted by: zee at October 22, 2005 09:44 PM

Holee-fawking-WOW!!!

Zee's right, you look outstanding!! Go you!!! *hugs*

Posted by: Rae at October 23, 2005 09:05 AM

you're looking awesome!

Posted by: michaela at October 26, 2005 09:06 AM

Those pictures of your weight loss really inspired me today. I'm gonna get right up off my butt and do something physical. And those chocolate bars I was gonna eat? Nope. No more.

Looking at weight loss pictures and reading people's stories of how they did it inspires us all.

You are a wonderful woman and a great inspiration to us all.

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About Y
My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 15 year old son, a 11 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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