I once had a friend who SWORE that she had never farted in front of her husband.
They had been married for 14 years at the time she told me that.
I told her that I thought she was lying. I mean, it's a FART, for cryin' out loud. It's a natural bodily function. How in the HELL does on supress farts for 14 years STRAIGHT and not let one accidentally slip out?
She stuck to her story that her husband has never, EVER heard her rip one.
Whatever. I couldn't even deal with a marriage where a "fart" is a big deal. I mean, last night? And this is a true story, people, TRUE STORY. Last night, Tony wanted to have Sessual Relations with me, and I was like "fine, but my stomach hurts and I'm pretty sure it's gas".
Do you think that stopped him? Of course it didn't! And half way through The Deed, I could feel one coming on. Did I panic? No! I did not! Because, I can fart during sex and IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. We laugh about it and then we "move on".
I'll admit, I think it's DISGUSTING when my parents fart in front of each other. It was especially gross when we were all little because they acted like it was SO CUTE when one of them farted.
My mom would rip one and my dad would smile, SMILE! And say all flirty like "who farted? Did mommy fart?" and my mom would giggle like a little girl and I would throw up inside.
But, it's not gross when me and Tony do it because we're not all "Awww, how cute, you farted, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" about it. We're more like "Sick, you pig, that smelled like my grandpa's fart, nasty" about it. Or sometimes, maybe we're like "Good one, just like a machine gun!"
Some people (and by some people, I mean "my BOYS") think I've taken this whole "farting is natural thing" too far because I've trained my daughter to "fart on command." It seriously is the most awesome baby girl trick ever and I made sure to show it off at Thanksgiving. "Farted Gabby!" I said as the family watched. And my beautiful, precious, petite little girl stuck her butt out, pushed and grunted until her face turned red and tried to push one out. My boys were furious. "Mom! That's not a good thing to teach a little girl! What happens when she goes to school and she thinks it's funny to fart in class?" (Yeah, the same boys who make up jokes about hairy balls and sharting.) I suppose they have a point, but, again, it's a fart, lighten up people!
I understand that some people are shy about bodily functions in front of strangers, or "the general public", it's not like I am a pig who will just fart anytime anywhere, I have manners, dammit! But I'm talking about being "free" in your own home. I mean, I can understand how a person would feel uncomfortable taking a leak while the door is open, (even though, I am not one of those people) and I supposed I can understand feeling slightly embarassed to fart in front of the man you have sex with. WHEN YOU FIRST MEET. But 15 years later? SERIOUSLY? (And? I suppose I can understand how some people might be SLIGHTLY MORTIFIED that I am writing an entire post about "farts.")
And it doesn't bother Tony either because I asked him, straight up last night. I said "Babe, does it bother you that I'm not very 'feminine' and that I fart freely in front of you?" and you know what he said?
"Not at all babe, it's natural, I love you just how you are."
And that's how it should be, because I'll be damned if I ever had to "hold one in" for a man.
I'm from a family of free farters and burpers and married into a family of fart and burp supressors. It's been fun! :P