Joy Unexpected | Winners do the Math!

January 02, 2006

The one where I use "special effects" at the end. Pure Nyquil Genius.

I've not been THIS SICK in years.

Everything hurts. Yes, everything.

You want me to say it, don't you?

EVEN MY VAGINA HURTS.

But seriously. I am miserable and I feel horribly that this is the second Monday "off" in a row that my husband had to help sick people.

Last Monday, he spent over 4 hours in urgent (but a total shitty ass waste of time) care.

Today, he spent his day off taking care of the kids and bringing me orange juice and nyquil.

Poor guy, I owe him. I really do. I think I'll buy him something sharp that he can cut things with and then proclaim how easy it was to cut because "LOOK HOW SHARP THIS HERE BLADE IS, Y'ALL."

Sharp blades make Pighunter happy. Besides, remember? MY VAGINA HURTS.

God, being married to a Mexican with an Identity Crisis is hilarious.

Did I mention he's been bringing me Nyquil?

Because GOOD LORD, THE NYQUIL.

I am a chicken shit when it comes to medication. I will not take it unless I absolutely have to and even then, I research it, I weight the pros and cons (Do I really need my liver? Are blood clots really a bad thing? Hives? Can one Boink with hives?)and then if I feel that I might DIE without it, I will take it.

I do not believe I've partaken of The Nyquil until now. Perhaps I had once or twice and don't remember, but I swear, I would remember how THIS feels.

Like, HIGH! I'M ON NYQUIL! WANT A SWIG?

I get "the nyquil" jokes now. I totally get them.

It's not all fun and games though, oh no. One minute, you're flying high, not caring too much about the fact you literally can't breathe out of your nose, or that your VAGINA ACHES and the next...

*edited to add*

Um, one should NEVER write whilst on The 'Quil. Ever.

Posted by Y at January 2, 2006 10:04 PM

Comments

Danggit being sick sucks. I hope you are back on your feet in no time.

And yes, they should actually call Nyquil "Take it where you're going to sleep" medicine because after you take it, you will be comatose wherever you are at the time.

Posted by: danelle at January 2, 2006 11:18 PM

Sorry that you're so sick, hon! Great way to start the new year, eh? Pfft!

But, oh yes, the NyQuil! Ahhhhhhhhhhh....zzzzzzz.

Posted by: buzz at January 3, 2006 03:32 AM

Doing a couple of Nyquil shots will definately make you feel better, and your vagina!

Posted by: Debbie at January 3, 2006 07:15 AM

Sorry to hear about your vagina (and your nose).

Have you heard the Dennis Leary comedy bit about NyQuil? It's hilarious! (N - y - with a BIG F**KING Q...)

Posted by: Nicole at January 3, 2006 09:01 AM

But the question is...was it red Nyquil or green Nyquil?????

Posted by: Z at January 3, 2006 10:06 AM

Oooh yeah, Nyquil. My very first panic attack happened the first time I got high smoking pot (I smoked it a few times before I actually got high) and then my 2nd panic attack happened after taking Nyquil. I was off cold medication of all kinds for 10 years after that. I still haven't touched Nyquil since. I'm too big a wimp to be a druggie so I decided to be a Christian instead. ;-)

Posted by: Jennifer at January 3, 2006 10:38 AM

Oh, man, the red nyquil rocks! I couldn't stand the taste of the green stuff. The NyQuil LiQuigels are pretty good for what ails you.

I wonder if you can apply it topically to get rid of the achy vag?

Posted by: Bronwen at January 3, 2006 11:18 AM

"a mexican with an identity crisis"

You have no idea how funny that is.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ha.

Thank you, dear. I needed that.

The rest of your post was cool, too. Just so you know.

Posted by: Autumn at January 3, 2006 11:46 PM

dude. i've been on the 'Quill for two weeks now. i feel ya.

Posted by: nine at January 4, 2006 06:52 AM