Yesterday, I felt very sad and lonely. I knew right away that it was PMS and I tried not to give the feelings too much power.
I did cry a lot. And I got all dramatic and almost deleted my blog.
But I didn't cut anyone, so that was good.
This morning, my daughter ripped one of her totally awesome "on command" farts and as I laughed and cheered her on, the thought occured to me that, um, maybe my boys are right. I probably shouldn't encourage this behavior because one day, she may rip one in a place she shouldn't and instead of cheers and shouts of "good one" and "MORE!MORE!MORE!" she'll get looks of disgust and comments like "GROSS!"
Or, maybe she will be the one to change the world with proclamations of "LIGHTEN UP, IT'S A NATURAL BODILY FUNCTION, PEOPLE!" Or "FARTS ARE FUNNY, EMBRACE THE FUNNY AND FART MORE!"
It could go either way, really.
I know, I'm talking about farts again. Would you rather I talk about my hemorraging vagina?
I didn't think so.
As free as we are with the farts in this family, I do show restraint when out among The People. I am not that brave (or rude. Whichever). Infact? I won't even rip 'em in the bathroom in public.
I will share with you the my "most embarassing fart" story, but only because I love you. (Or, because I've got nothing else. You pick.)
I was sitting in the front row at church. There was a little girl named Naomi sitting next to me. We had just finished a singing a song, so it was a rare moment of silence during the worship part of the service. Out of NOWHERE, my ass decided to let it rip and I was powerless to stop it.
*PFFFFFFFRRRRATATTAAPOPPOPOPRRRRRTTAA*
I was MORTIFIED and honestly did not know what to do, but let me tell you what I SHOULD have done. I should have silently "claimed it" and moved on with my life. Seriously.
Instead, I turned my head all quick like, looked right at the little girl next to me with a look of disgust and shock on my face to try to fool God's People into thinking that she did it.
My plan would have worked... WERE IT NOT FOR THE PASTOR'S WIFE.
She made a huge gesture, tapped me on the shoulder and said, IN A LOUD VOICE, "uh uh, it was YOU, Y, You did that, don't try to blame Naomi."
Like, seriously? TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR, biznitch. First of all. No one would have cared if it was a little girl, I mean, little people fart all of the time! and it's cute! But a teenager trying to pass her fart off onto a little girl IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD?
Not so cute.
I remember wanting to die right there in my seat because man, was "coffee time" after church going to be akward.
I bet she thought she had to do it since Jesus was watching. Whatever.
So, there. My "most embarassing fart story."
I bet you're SO glad I didn't delete the blog. Ha.
Maybe that's why Tony fell in love with you ;)