« WWJD? · Main · Shame. »
January 23, 2006
Now I want you to imagine what talking to me on the phone must be like.

Body?

I hate you. I really do. And yeah, I feel guilty saying that because you've given me three perfect children, but, damn! You make it really hard to like you.

(Although, I have to admit that I'm THIS CLOSE to liking my (literal) ass. My clothed (literal)ass, because, um, you take the clothes off and WHOA, that's a lot of lumps.)

The thing that pisses me off is this... I am working so damn hard to lose all of this fat and you reward me with HANGING SKIN AND SAGGING TITS?

I'm willing to make a compromise with you. I am willing to let go of the hate and trylearn to like you, if you will LOOSEN YOUR GRIP ON THE FAT AND LET IT GO ALREADY? PLEASE?

Damn.

I went to Weight Watchers this morning to find out that in the last two weeks? I've only lost ONE POUND.

One.

Uno.

O-N-E.

I've been at the gym five days out of the week for 2 weeks in a row. I've stuck to my points (except the night of the Passion Party) I've done weight training. I TOOK A "RIVERDANCE CLASS" FER CRYING OUT LOUD.

I mean, I'm Latina AND I have huge knockers. And I RIVERDANCED, PEOPLE.

All for ONE pound?

I realize that I can't get overwhemled or discouraged by that number, especially since I found out today that I have lost 6 inches in my waist since August.

But, I would still like to see the "pounds" be gone. Seriously. Enough of this shit already. Enough of the 180's. (Yes, I'm STILL IN THE 180'S)

Three weeks of Weight Watchers, Down 6 pounds (And, yes, I'm tempted to say "ONLY" 6 pounds, but I won't because I'M TRYING TO BE POSITIVE HERE.)

I suppose I need to look at the Bigger (ha! ha!) Picture so as not to be discouraged and pissed off. I AM down 65 pounds and I realize the weight is not going to drop off as easily as it has the last 23065886 times I've been on Weight Watchers. I have to remind myself that "Hey! I no longer look (or feel) like this, but, like this!" And I acknowledge that I've made a great deal of progress, but DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN how much longer til I look like THIS AGAIN?

Shhhhhhh. Don't say it. I already know.

I'm never going to look like that again. I have to learn toaccept that and make peace with this stretched out, lumpy, thirty four year old body.

That would be a lot easier to do if THE FASHION INDUSTRY WOULD MAKE CUTE CLOTHES FOR LUMPY, STRETCHED OUT, AGED BODIES. But now, I'm totally straying from the original point of this post which was that I only lost ONE FREAKING POUND IN TWO WEEKS.

I refuse to let that stop me from going to dance aerobics tonight though, I just hope to God it's not the RIVERDANCE again, but I'll be doubling up on the sports bras just in case. Ha! Ha! HAAAA! The Riverdance, people. Do I really need to explain why ME doing the riverdance is funny?

Maybe I do.

Let me break it down for you. I bought a pretty simple "dance" workout video that has a salsa dance, a hip hop dance and a retro dance. I attempted to do it one night and thought I was doing alright. My son Ethan walks in, stares at me in horror and says "Um, mom, you're not even doing it HALF right." I mean, here I was in the privacy of my own home with a very simple dance work out video and my EIGHT year old tells me that I SUCK.

I can't follow choreography if my life depended on it.

So, imagine me, in a class with a whole lotta wimmins, trying to keep up with THE RIVERDANCE.

Ok. Maybe you had to be there.

Posted by Y at January 23, 2006 11:10 AM
Comments

One night only:

Knockerdance!

Posted by: ben at January 23, 2006 05:12 PM

Muscle weighs more than fat.

:-)

Posted by: kristal at January 23, 2006 05:28 PM

You had me at Riverdance! ROFL!!!

Posted by: Itchy at January 23, 2006 05:45 PM

Did you have to wear the little headband thing like Michael Flatley?
And ben? You just made me pee.

Posted by: Louise at January 23, 2006 06:08 PM

oh god, I want to riverdance too!!
I have the workout game (software, whatever you want to call it) and when the girl get to the jumping jacks or anything with hops or jumps, I have to stop because my boobs will not cooperate. I can only imagine doing the riverdance.

Posted by: NinaKaye at January 23, 2006 06:17 PM

I'd love to do the riverdance class, but I fear I'd have the same problem. Ben, you have made more than one woman pee her pants tonight. Knockerdance, indeed.

Posted by: Bronwen at January 23, 2006 06:39 PM

that's ok.. i put ON a pound so.. yeah... i'm probably more pissed about that than you are about losing one! wheeeeeeee.

Posted by: shy me at January 23, 2006 06:43 PM

Dude 6 lbs in 3 weeks is perfect. Thats 2 lbs a week on average which is what is supposed to happen for long term loss. You're doing great mama!

I know how tedious and aggravating it all is believe me. I secretly wish my body would snap back to pre-pregnancy shape like tommorrow. Bah!

Posted by: Kathy at January 23, 2006 06:46 PM

There's also this thing about periods ... can cause you to retain a lot water and weight. I read somewhere it can be five pounds worth of water that our damn hormones make us hold onto for some reason. As if hemorraging were not enough and sore boobs and generally pissiness, we get to hold some extra water too. feh.

Posted by: JustLisa at January 23, 2006 07:03 PM

all that working out you're doing may be making your body hold on to some weight.

Kristal's right--muscle weighs more than fat. But to put it more specifically, when we work out (ESPECIALLY with weights) our body holds onto water. It needs to pump water into the muscles to heal them becuase working out strains and breaks them. As it holds onto water, it also pumps that water into our fat cells. These fat cells get bigger and bigger (filling with water) and some people actually look BIGGER after working out fo ra couple of weeks (don't fret, it gets better). Then what happens is these fat cells, stuffed with water, finally say "no more water, please!" and they break into lots of tinier fat cells. These tinier fat cells our body has a much easier time expelling than the original fat cell.

So...all your hard work may not show on the scale yet. Focus on improving what you're doing at the gym. Also consider incorporating measurements into each week--sometimes our butts get smaller but it doesn't register on the scale. Most of all, KEEP at it! Drink lots of water. Your efforts will eventually peak your body, and you'll see crap start coming off of you left and right. You are doing really well! The scale is not the only indicator of progress :)

Posted by: reese at January 23, 2006 07:38 PM

You're only two pounds below the very maximum I would recommend losing in 2 weeks if you really really want to keep it off (1.5 lbs/week) and you need to expect to plateau often. Sorry chickie, but that's the way it works and yes, it sucks sometimes and yes, it's hard. But...you CAN do it so keep it up! You're gorgeous!!

Posted by: Nicole at January 23, 2006 07:39 PM

michael flatley (of riverdance fame) shaves his chest!! not waxes, but SHAVES! imagine the stubble.

also, that picture of you is way hot. i am a firm believer that while a "perfect" body is sexy, nothing is sexier than confidence. and nothing says confidence more than smacking your own ass. :)

Posted by: tracy at January 23, 2006 08:05 PM

I vote for muscle. I still think you look good. Also? I agree with tracy.

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at January 23, 2006 08:59 PM

I just hope you haven't been blown across town. I watched the news at the car dealership this morning and they were like, "INLAND EMPIRE BLOWING AWAY!!"

Posted by: Annika at January 23, 2006 09:16 PM

Inches count more than pounds. You so totally rock. :-)

Posted by: Beth at January 23, 2006 09:59 PM

Yeah, what they said! (Have you taken your measurements?)

Posted by: Laura at January 23, 2006 10:51 PM

Hang in there!!! You're doing the right things, and eventually the scale will show it!

When I first started working out, I was the most SPASTIC person there was, in regards to choreography. Eventually I got to a point where it didn't feel like they were speaking Japanese and I was listening in German!

Posted by: Bev at January 23, 2006 11:23 PM

I'm gonna need photo evidence of the whole Riverdance thing if you want me to believe it.

Posted by: Debbie at January 24, 2006 04:45 AM

i just wanted to say how impressed i am that you're really sticking with it, even if you are disappointed with the results so far. i'm just trying to eat healthier and exercise more.. so far it's been a week and 2 days, and i am ready to QUIT. so, good on ya Y :)

Posted by: geeky at January 24, 2006 05:42 AM

Adding my encouragement to all the other's ahead of me.

Also ... I guess this means I need to get off my fat butt and start doing something. Then I'll have someone to commiserate with me! Thanks for the inspiration. It's so nice to hear someone say ... "I lost 65 and it was hard, hard, hard", and not "I drank some stupid shake, ate yummy freeze dried meals and 3 months later, look at me! Ms. Universe!"

Posted by: Mit_Moi at January 24, 2006 06:01 AM

keep doing the work, it obviously is paying off! you are to be applauded for sticking with it even when you feel like you're the one getting stuck!

Posted by: leadfoot at January 24, 2006 06:11 AM

I'm doing WW, too! The weight isn't peeling off like it did the first week, but I'm told that 2-3 pounds a week is very healthy and ensures long-term success.

Also, about the clothes...GO TO LANE BRYANT! They have sizes 14 and up, AND it's super cute. Kinda pricey, but I rack up all of my bulk buying when they have their awesome clearance sales.

Posted by: Jennifer at January 24, 2006 06:15 AM

Muscle weighs more than fat... Get a measuring tape and start keeping track. I bet you are losing inches. Let go of the scales woman, that's not where it's really at! ;-) Keep up the good work.

Posted by: Amanda at January 24, 2006 06:30 AM

Debbie, don't MAKE ME use the "video" feature on my camera and record myself doing some sweet riverdance moves.

Just believe me, we did it again last night and man, my calves hurt today.

Posted by: Y at January 24, 2006 08:29 AM

Again, muscle weighs more than fat. It's not the scale but how the jeans fit. yada yada yada. I too have only lost 6 lbs. in more than 3 weeks but hang in there, chica! You can do eeet!

Posted by: Randi at January 24, 2006 08:49 AM

Looking good ! You make me laugh..lol I am right there with you...(o.k. no riverdance classes..but I run/jog and yoga generally kicks my a$$ once a week... Thanks for the inspiration..I would like to say bye-bye to the 180's too...3.8 more lbs to go...
grrrr..then on the the 170..hahaha

Posted by: jamie at January 24, 2006 09:12 AM

Hi, Y!

I know that I've never been able to stick with Weight Watchers or lose much on it. It looks easier then it is.

Over the holidays I put on 237289570437859873 pounds and put myself on Slim-Fast cause dayum - anyway though I had to pee like all day I lost almost 20 lbs. (which was my goal) in three weeks.

Now that I've lost the weight ofcorse I'm trying to convince myself that all the yummy foods I discovered over said holidays are just evil and I need to stay away from them but thats another story! lol.

Ro

Posted by: Ro at January 24, 2006 10:30 AM

You're doing great. I'm thinking maybe it's time for me to try WW. It sounds like you're working so hard, though, and I'm not sure I'm ready to work that hard. No wonder I haven't lost a single pound! Wah. I'm gonna google weight watchers right now to see where they meet near me. See, you're an inspiration. xoxo

Posted by: Jennifer at January 24, 2006 11:04 AM

Just remember, your body doesn't necessarily know it's WI day :) Maybe those five pounds were coming off tomorrow. Just stick to the program. You're doing GREAT!

(BTW, I am up for a Jewish and Israeli Blog award...the voting is at: http://info.jpost.com/C005/BlogCentral/JIB.2005/vote2.rest.html - I appreciate your support!)

Posted by: Z at January 24, 2006 11:11 AM

Oh Weight Watchers. I call it WWF - because we weigh in like heavy weight fighters.

I didn't gain or lose any this week. EXACTLY THE SAME. I thought good thing I took my belt off before I weighed in or I would have gained an ounce.

Hopefully next week will be better, and 1 pound aint TOO bad.

Posted by: coodence at January 24, 2006 11:44 AM

To heck with dieting. Intermittent upper respiratory viruses are the only way I EVER lose weight. In fact, it's the one silver lining in all those shleps to the doctor. I can count on dropping 5 for every flu. Chronic illness is even better. I can fit into my skinny jeans for months with a bout of that bad stuff. Not that I'm suggesting you go searching for inflammation, dearie!

Posted by: abbygb at January 24, 2006 01:37 PM

I totally understand how you feel. I gained 35 lbs during my pregnancy and the weight just refused to come off after the baby was born. I didn't do Weight Watchers but I did try dieting and going to the gym. The only thing that helped was Pilates. I bought a DVD and worked out at home and in a month I could see the difference. The pounds still didn't hurry to fall off but the inches did. I lost 3 dress sizes in about 3 months.

Posted by: LC at January 24, 2006 01:43 PM

You might want to warn people that imagining talking to you on the phone requires a good hour, hour and a half. ;)

Posted by: Joelle at January 24, 2006 02:43 PM

To reiterate: muscle weighs more than fat. Try measuring the inches instead and feeling how your clothes fit. There is the true measure :)

Posted by: chasmyn at January 24, 2006 03:17 PM

At least you Riverdanced your muthafucking ass off. Me? My body hasn't gone to the gym in two weeks.

Mind you that my gym routine is 20 minutes of speed walking on the treadmill at an incline of 9. Pa-the-tic!

And I actually made an attempt today. I picked up the phone to see if my old hockey school was still in action. I swear, skating is THE best exercised ever.

Maybe that will erase The Rolls(R). Or ...

give me a heart attack.

At this point in my life, I'll take either (although right now, the heart attack means that I will be off of work right now. Work that I feel hate for.)

Posted by: girlplease at January 24, 2006 03:27 PM

Wow, You look great Yvonne, you really do. I understand your feelings with not being happy with your body. I am there with you. But the fact that you have come this far is so awesome :)

Revel in that, and just keep river-dancin' - That sounds fun anyway...

Oh, and not that I have any expertise in the big boobs department (I am barely an "A" -Wails-) My sister has been blessedly endowed and found that an ace bandage sort of thing wrapped around your bust area like a bra helps hold them babies down. Doesn't that just sound weird? But it works for her, she dances too.

Posted by: Livika at January 24, 2006 04:28 PM

Ugh the one lb thing..they tried to tell me about inches and blah blah blah bullshit but damnit I want to see BIG numbers roll off! I know what you mean.

Btw you really look great ass and all! HEE!

Posted by: Kay at January 24, 2006 09:26 PM

I looove that you Riverdanced! And you look splendid, BTW. The wieght will come off in time, meanwhile- you lost 65 frickin' lbs! Hooray for you, you funny gorgeous woman with admittedly intimidating knockers!

Posted by: demondoll at January 24, 2006 11:28 PM

I can't wait to be in the 180's girl! I am skinny in the 180's and you look awesome!

You are HOT!

Posted by: Kelly at January 25, 2006 06:45 AM

I congratulate you on the one pound. Hell, I've been doing WW again for about a month now, and I've managed to GAIN FIVE POUNDS. I'm pissed. (Also, I'm obviously doing something wrong, but I lack the energy to attend a meeting or pull my book out...)

You're doing great! You look great! And, Riverdance? I would have quit early and headed to the Dairy Queen. You are much better than me.

Posted by: FP at January 25, 2006 08:16 AM

I will be fighting the same battle shortly. I am due tomorrow and have gained @ 40 lbs. I am so scared I wont be able to getrid of the weight. I have been swimming all along and I do intend to work out heavy as soon as my body will let me(and the baby...) You are an inspiration to everyone who is fighting the infamous battle-hang in there ---you could be 9 months pregnant with the whole fight still waiting to be fought. I am thinking weight watchers, I wonder how well it works...

Posted by: kriss at January 25, 2006 04:44 PM

Do not make me come over there and beat you for dissing the one pound loss. It's better than GAINING a pound, and it's a whole box of butter you lost. So shut up and riverdance your ass off, girl. I maintained this week, didn't gain or lose an ounce. Better than gaining, baby. Love you.

Posted by: Chaeriste at January 27, 2006 07:41 AM

Edited to add:

Stop saying muscle weighs more than fat. A pound is a pound is a pound, muscle or fat or feathers. It's about the density... muscle is denser than fat, so it takes up less room than fat. Losing inches, having more lean muscle mass as opposed to fat, is better than losing pounds.

Weight Watchers works. I've lost 27 pounds and have 13 more to go. A pound a week, in a year, is 52 pounds. Think about every victory. Every time you eat a carrot instead of a cookie is a victory. Every time you take a long walk instead of veg out in front of the TV is a victory. Exercise is great for depression... even if you feel like poop before working out, you'll feel better afterward because you DID it.

Posted by: Chaeriste at January 27, 2006 07:46 AM

Y, wherever you are, mwa!

Posted by: FlippyO at January 27, 2006 11:33 PM

You look damn good.

Now, get one of your web gurus to figure out how to syndicate your site so I can add via livejournal.

Posted by: melly at January 29, 2006 01:30 PM

Woman...long time no comment. Sorry, I fell into the black hole of ickyness myself and I am still trying to pull my fat ass out of it.

email me back if you get this today. I have like 15 hugs saved up that I'm PRETTY sure you can use.

If a hug won't work, i'll make you laugh okay?

Posted by: kristine at January 30, 2006 09:43 AM

You have a nice ass.

Posted by: Autumn at January 30, 2006 09:25 PM

Congrats on the one pound - it's way better than a gain, right?

I'm glad I found you at Mommybloggers - you were the writer featured after my essay, so I must be a better writer than I think. HA!

From one jinormous boobed mama to another, you look amazing, and I'll be back to read more!

Posted by: Carmen at January 31, 2006 04:39 AM
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    About Y
    My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 16 year old son, a 12 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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