Body?
I hate you. I really do. And yeah, I feel guilty saying that because you've given me three perfect children, but, damn! You make it really hard to like you.
(Although, I have to admit that I'm THIS CLOSE to liking my (literal) ass. My clothed (literal)ass, because, um, you take the clothes off and WHOA, that's a lot of lumps.)
The thing that pisses me off is this... I am working so damn hard to lose all of this fat and you reward me with HANGING SKIN AND SAGGING TITS?
I'm willing to make a compromise with you. I am willing to let go of the hate and trylearn to like you, if you will LOOSEN YOUR GRIP ON THE FAT AND LET IT GO ALREADY? PLEASE?
Damn.
I went to Weight Watchers this morning to find out that in the last two weeks? I've only lost ONE POUND.
One.
Uno.
O-N-E.
I've been at the gym five days out of the week for 2 weeks in a row. I've stuck to my points (except the night of the Passion Party) I've done weight training. I TOOK A "RIVERDANCE CLASS" FER CRYING OUT LOUD.
I mean, I'm Latina AND I have huge knockers. And I RIVERDANCED, PEOPLE.
All for ONE pound?
I realize that I can't get overwhemled or discouraged by that number, especially since I found out today that I have lost 6 inches in my waist since August.
But, I would still like to see the "pounds" be gone. Seriously. Enough of this shit already. Enough of the 180's. (Yes, I'm STILL IN THE 180'S)
Three weeks of Weight Watchers, Down 6 pounds (And, yes, I'm tempted to say "ONLY" 6 pounds, but I won't because I'M TRYING TO BE POSITIVE HERE.)
I suppose I need to look at the Bigger (ha! ha!) Picture so as not to be discouraged and pissed off. I AM down 65 pounds and I realize the weight is not going to drop off as easily as it has the last 23065886 times I've been on Weight Watchers. I have to remind myself that "Hey! I no longer look (or feel) like this, but, like this!" And I acknowledge that I've made a great deal of progress, but DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN how much longer til I look like THIS AGAIN?
Shhhhhhh. Don't say it. I already know.
I'm never going to look like that again. I have to learn toaccept that and make peace with this stretched out, lumpy, thirty four year old body.
That would be a lot easier to do if THE FASHION INDUSTRY WOULD MAKE CUTE CLOTHES FOR LUMPY, STRETCHED OUT, AGED BODIES. But now, I'm totally straying from the original point of this post which was that I only lost ONE FREAKING POUND IN TWO WEEKS.
I refuse to let that stop me from going to dance aerobics tonight though, I just hope to God it's not the RIVERDANCE again, but I'll be doubling up on the sports bras just in case. Ha! Ha! HAAAA! The Riverdance, people. Do I really need to explain why ME doing the riverdance is funny?
Maybe I do.
Let me break it down for you. I bought a pretty simple "dance" workout video that has a salsa dance, a hip hop dance and a retro dance. I attempted to do it one night and thought I was doing alright. My son Ethan walks in, stares at me in horror and says "Um, mom, you're not even doing it HALF right." I mean, here I was in the privacy of my own home with a very simple dance work out video and my EIGHT year old tells me that I SUCK.
I can't follow choreography if my life depended on it.
So, imagine me, in a class with a whole lotta wimmins, trying to keep up with THE RIVERDANCE.
Ok. Maybe you had to be there.







One night only:
Knockerdance!