This time, I was tempted buy a dildo for my the dash of my van, and one to use as a "whip" to threaten my children with.

"Clean your room right now or I will whack you upside of the head with this here purple rubber penis!"

As you can see, I do not take dildos very seriously either. I'm sorry, I just can't. Especially the one that has A FACE AND A BEAR ON IT. I know there are people who are really into those things, but, um, I'm NOT one of those people.

I do, however, take my Ben Wah Balls very seriously.

Ok. I'm lying. I absolutely do not take them seriously. Infact, I almost spit out my drink when she brought those shiny little balls out.

I was like "Ha! HA! HA! I'm sorry, ben wah balls KILL ME."

However, as funny as SHINY METAL BALLS are, they do serve a purpose. They are used for a very important "test". A test of tightness. No! Seriously! If you can "hold them in" for any lenght of time, then "your man is surely a happy man."

Excuse me for one minute.

HA! HA! HAAAAAAA!

After the Passion Party, it was time for a game of poker.

I had never played poker before and to be honest, had no interest in learning how to play. I picked up my purse and was ready call it a night. But, the wimmins had other plans.

"We've already set a place for you. You're so much fun, you HAVE to stay and play."

That's right. People think I'm fun! And they want me to stay and play poker with them!

(That gets the "Award for Blogger Who Brags About How Much Fun People Think She Is and How It Makes You So Sick You Want To Puke.")

I was given a 2 minute crash course in poker and to the Very Awesome Poker Table we went.

I caught on pretty quickly, although, I was very annoying with all of "my questions." How is one supposed to learn if one does not ask questions?

A few hours later, I found myself one of the last 2 players and the player with the most chips, but, in the end, I lost to someone who has played many, many times, BUT! I still won $20 for second place and had people doubting my "I have never played poker nor do I know how to play poker" story.

Don't hate me because I'm a fast learner.

I had such an incredible time. It was the first time in a very LONG time that I didn't have a million hangups or "issues" before going to a social event. Usually, I spend a great deal of time worrying about how fat I am, or who will be there, or if people will think I'm annoying, or if people will annoy me and so on and so forth... but Saturday night, I made a decision early in the day that I wasn't going to think negative thoughts, or worry about stupid things like "being the only fat girl there". I made a choice to HAVE FUN regardless of the size of my ass (which, by the way, is significantly smaller these days).

I told my husband how great it felt to let go of all of the negativity that usually keeps me from having a truly good time at most social events. He smiled and said "I'm so happy for you, baby, you are a fun person, people enjoy being around you and you should accept that and ALWAYS have fun like you did last night."

It's not easy for me to accept compliments (even though OH MY GOD, I sure do spend a lot of time fishing for them here on this blog SO MUCH SO I WON AN AWARD FOR IT! God forbid I write about my true feelings because, let's get real, it's just an attempt to get you to tell me how great I am how how I should shutup about my ugly kitchen because YOUR KITCHEN IS ULGY TOO AND YOU'RE NOT HAVING A PITY PARTY OVER IT!) but I believed my husband when he said that, because I want to believe it.

I'm sorry, but how is it possible that a post in which I used the word "Nubby" took a serious turn? How did I allow that to happen.

That never should have happened. The serious ENDS HERE!

Howza'bout we get a little "random" instead...

Who is the GENIUS who thought "Hey! I know! Let's make a stuffed animal WITH DETACHABLE BODY PARTS because the babies will love ripping off monkey heads and it will be a JOY for the mother's to have to repeatedly put them back on throughout the day to stop the babies from crying because THE HEAD FELL OFF AGAIN."? Do you know who that guy is? Because if you do, tell him I'm looking for him, I'd like to "show him" how grateful I am.

Ethan team lost another basketball game on Saturday. The brings their record to 1-6. Andrew also lost another game on Saturday, which brings his teams record to 0-7. The good news is that this is the first weekend I did not get into a fight with the refs nor did I get into a fight with the scorekeepers, so, really, everyone was a winner.

But THE REAL WINNER here will be my husband, in about 2 weeks, when a confidential black bag will arrive that will contain a very special passionate gift that I refuse to tell you about, other than to say that it is "rubber" and it is in the shape of a heart.