Nothing makes me happier than checking the search log on this blog and finding this:
Search: query for 'fart'
Search: query for 'fart'
Search: query for 'fart'
Search: query for 'fart'
Search: query for 'gas'
Search: query for 'poop, mexico'
Which reminds me of the time Erika emailed me to tell me she couldn't access this site at the hospital because it had been categorized as "TASTELESS".
True story! My blog has been deemed "Tasteless"!
Awesome.
Last night was Aerobic Dance Class. I was more excited than usual because I was under the assumption we'd be continuing with The Hip Hop and, not to sound cocky, but (once again) I NAILED it.
I arrived to class early to do some stretching. (Which is a complete and total lie. I do not arrive early to "Stretch", I have been FORCED to arrive early to claim "my spot". Recently, a group of Annoying Old Wimmins started attending Aerobic Dance class and they are starting to act like they are the bosses of Aerobic Dance class. On Monday, they stole "my spot" and I was stunned. Everyone knows that's my spot. So now, I must get there early, to mark my territory. (Tony says I should squat and pee, to show them I mean business. I'm not sure, but I think he was being a smart ass.) I pretend to be "warming up", but really, it's my way of of saying, "Wimmins, please. I was here long before you and I kinda think that I OWN this class, so step off and GET OUT OF MY SPOT!" Seriously, I have a "spot" and that spot is in the front left corner of the room.)
Bitches better RECOGNIZE.
Anyway, I got there early and was prepared to GO OFF on the Gym Dance Floor with my CRAZY MAD aerobic hip hop dance moves. I was stretching and concentrating. Telling myself things like "You are an awesome aerobic dancer. You own the aerobic dance floor. You are the hip hop master."
Then, The Instructor entered and announced that we'd be doing "Latin" dancing.
One would think I'd be happy about this because, hello! I'm half latin! But, I wasn't happy. I was actually a little pissed off. How dare she go and switch it up on me like that.
I got a grip and was like "I can nail this, my dad is from Mexico! There is Latin pumping through my veins!"
There's a little saying that my father used to preach from the pulpit. "Pride comes before the fall."
Let's just say last night, I got served a big ass plate of "Humble enchiladas."
I could NOT get the steps right. I mean, I had them NAILED in "slow motion" but as soon as she said "faster", I was lost, man. COMPLETELY LOST. How does a 1/2 latina get lost in a latin dance class?
To make matters worse, The White Girl behind me was nailing it . Thoughts of tripping her on purpose ran through my mind because hell to the NO SHE DI'UNT just shame my half Mexican ass on the aerobic dance floor.
Normally when I get home from dance class, I'm all haughty with my new found dance steps and I walk around the house, spontaneously busting into My Moves and saying things like "You LIKE that, don't you?" Or "You wish you could do that." I don't even care when my kids laugh at me, or say things like "Mom, that was the dumbest move I've ever seen" because I know deep down, they're just jealous. But last night, when I walked in the door, I was distraught and all "I don't want to talk about it, no MOVES FOR YOU!" To which, they were like "haha, THANK YOU! We hate having to watch you dance!"
It's not easy for me to admit that I failed at Aerobic Dancing, because in my mind, I truly believe that I am the best Aerobic Dancer to have ever Aerobic Danced, and yet here I am, admitting that I failed. And I failed on the night I should have nailed it because it was the dance of My People.
I keep telling myself that it's ok, we Aerobic Dancers are human, we have good classes and bad classes. We don't have to nail it everytime, we just have to give it all we've got and try to nail it the next class.
And trust me, that is what I'm going to do. I will NOT let The Non Latins win!
LOL!
You are so funny. I can totally imagine you spontaneously bustin' out your moves. Cracks me up!