I just left you a message telling you how awesome and funny you are, I left you a message yesterday telling you that you are the best story teller I've ever known, I'm telling you again now, you gotta take chances. For someone like you (and me) who gets down and eats to make yourself feel bettter, taking chances shouldn't be that difficult...but it is. Honestly, I just got a very small writing gig myself and it will pay my house note, nothing big but to me that is the biggest. It means that I don't have to leave my kids if I don't feel comfy doing it, it means that I don't have to go back to teaching school since I hate it and you know what..........I squalled like a baby when I heard that a friend of mine that I think is a super writer wasn't selected. I was positive that if she wasn't selected then there was no way in hell I was selected...and I was....so get to writing girl, get buys, apply everywhere, even to the ones you aren't qualified for so that you can learn to say, "oh well, wasn't qualifed anyway, your loss" and then go on about your business without eating a dozen donuts (my enemy: a box of donuts).

So, let's get kicking girl, the internet needs you and more folks like you. I'm almost finished with my degree in counselinlg...you wanna be my pretend patient for the final exam I'm doing, lol, sorry, couldn't resis that one....

I didn't proof that btw so read between the lines if necessary

Yvonne,

Seriously.

You write and people read it and see the damn shit in their heads, just like a fricking movie. AND is it FUNNY???? Hells yes it is.

Do not be discouraged.

Do not sell yourself short.

Look in the mirror and love who you see and tell her how great she is.

I haven't commented before. However, I read everyday, and have since I first found your blog a couple of months ago. People who are funny enough and can write well enough to get complete strangers to read about their lives shouldn't doubt their talents.

How did I do what I have done? Well, truthfully, mostly out of sheer "oh, I will show your sorry ass!!". Tell me I can't do something? Tell me I shouldn't? I am all over that. Works for me.

Hey,
Long time reader, first time poster, I thought maybe I'd share a little bit about what helps with me sometimes. Since I have a skewed self image of myself (and I can acknowledge it at my best times. :) ), it might help.

1. When someone compliments you, even if you don't agree, take a deep breath, smile and say thank you. It is perhaps the HARDEST thing to do for a while, but eventually, you might even mean it. After all, honestly, people rarely give unprompted compliments without MEANING it. They have nothing to gain from it, except for wanting to tell you how awesome you are. Accept it, and eventually it'll get a bit easier.

2. Try and remember that you are NOT every one else. I kill myself all the time over "my writing isn't like so and so," and "god, I'd kill if I could just do my makeup like that." Just because you don't do something exactly like someone else doesn't mean your way is somehow faulty. I think a lot of my feelings of low self worth come from looking at people and going 'god, I'll never be like that.' But when I make a conscious effort to remember that of course I can't be like anyone else, and what's more, that's not a bad thing, it seems a bit easier. Especially when I force myself to stop comparing.

3. Heh. There is no three. I just feel bad only having two.

Take care,
RP

you ARE a great writer. I think you should check into how to submit articles to different parenting type of magazines...check their submission guidelines, etc. Your shit is funny and real and touching and relateable. It should be paid for and shared with a wider audience.

If you don't try, you can't fail. And if you do try and fail, at least you tried. And if you try, and succeed, well, there you go.

i just made that up, but it sounds kinda Yoda/wise man-esque..doesn't it?

Hi Yvonne,

I also haven't commented before, though I've often come close because everything you write puts me in hysterics or challenges the way I think about life.

Thank you for being you. It means so much to all the rest of us.

In my best Rhonda voice, I feel I have to point out that what makes you so wonderful to read is that you are YOU. You are funny, vulnerable, you have a genuinely unique point of view, you are clever, witty, more intelligent than you give yourself credit for, etc. I'm not trying to feed your ego - I'm stating why I enjoy your writing and your point of view so much.

Don't compare yourself unfavorably to other people or other bloggers because frankly, they may be a lot of things you think you'd want to be, but they can never be you. What you make of your experience is beautiful and thought-provoking and incredibly entertaining, and that's special.

Also, at risk of overloading on assvice when I'm just introducing myself, I recently did an exercise that may help you. I should start in saying how inspired I was by your amazing commitment to weight loss and the ways you've transformed your body. I'm so thrilled to hear how much you enjoy aerobic dancing that I'm looking for a class I can take now. So I was feeling frustrated and had been sabotaging myself a lot lately, and I got the suggestion to make a list where you finish the phrase "I am afraid to be thin because ________" 25 times. It's shocking the kinds of things you learn about yourself. It also works for other ways we might hold ourselves back (like "I'm afraid to be a writer because ______")

So while I apologize for the length and preachiness of this comment, I just felt the need to reach out and tell you how much you've won me over, the ways I experience joy when you do, laugh my ass off when you're having fun, and feel genuinely moved and troubled when you're having a hard time.

Just be you. Don't worry about the rest of us - we love you no matter what.

- Vicki

Y,
RP gave one of the best pieces of advice one can give... when given a compliment, accept gracefully, no matter what your opinion of yourself. Anyway, the only advice I can give you is stand up, step away from the food that you are not finding real comfort in, and do something for you. You've been doing so well, working so hard, and you cannot give that up. I'm a recovered addict, Yvonne... I know the struggles of addiction and the setbacks that make you want to give up completely, but you owe it to YOURSELF and your beautiful family to face your feelings and start moving forward again. (((((Y)))))

gah sorry for all the extra spacing!

In all honesty? I'm here for the advice people shower on you. I have many of the same problems except you've been far more successful at weight loss than I.

Love your writing style. You definitely have a unique voice.

Ok, punch me in the back of the head for speaking up because I'm the last person to set a goal and finish it.

I went for 3 HTML/web certification courses and quit 1 class shy away from my certificate and now they don't have the certification anymore

I went to web classes 3xs and never finished. I started 3D animation classes last fall. Am I in class? No. Instead I decided to "super train" my new puppy. How's that going? Ha!

I always thought I would be some hot shot somebody in my career. Now I cut and paste news stories in a word document and deal with total cunt-asses with bad attitudes.

I was totally into ice hockey and said I was never going to quit---5 years ago. Skates sitting in the garage.

Said I was NEVER going to gain the 8lbs I lost (yea I know, 8lbs big fucking deal but it bothers me since I feel like a whale with this fucking muffin top body). Well guess what? I'm 8lbs over again (I wanted to lose 15 total)

I joined Bally's again Jan 1. and "Yea, I'm going to go every fucking day." Last time I swiped my Bally's card--Feb. 10th.

So I guess what I'm saying is that yea, I am there too. And yea, I know what you're talking about with the paid blogger gig. I would LOVE to start a family and stay home and more and more I realize that I will be the breadwinner and he can be Mr. Mom. Lovely. Fucking lovely.

So please don't feel alone. It does happen to all of us but shit and life happens and sometimes, it's not easy.

Know this though, you ARE a fabulous writer and fucking funny as hell and I CANNOT wait to meet you. You have things that are way more valuable than most.

Again, punch me in the head if this bugs you. :)

Ok it's me again, more and more this makes me realize that I need to move to CA and when shit like this happens to both of us, we say "fuck it" and go out dancing and laugh at the world (drunk or not).

Now, let's do "the worm".

Don't make me come take away that chocolate cake!

Wait, please make me come take away that chocolate cake.

Ahem.

I think one thing you need to remember is that the successful people (the non-asshole ones) are just as uncertain and insecure as you are. I get paid for writing every once in a blue moon and every time I cannot BELIEVE that I have managed to fool someone into thinking I can do it.

And honestly? The only reason I even try is my husband - if he wasn't encouraging me every single step of the way I would hide in the corner with some ice cream.

You must know how talented you are, because you keep writing. Now you just have to figure out what to DO with it.

And give me the cake.

oh
my
GOD!
If you figure out the answer to your self sabotage...can you let me know? Please? Cause I DO THE SAME THING.
Seriously. I hate it. If something is going too well? Better f it up, cause that shit can't be meant for me.

I lost 20lbs at ww last year ONLY to stuff it all back down my throat in the last 6 months (plus 5 extra lbs). I was running 30 -40 km a week with EASE only to sit on my growing ass and lose ALL the conditioning I had gained (and blogged about at length).
Now most of my readers think I'm a whiner and many have left me for greener (and funnier) pastures.

Okay, I can't really help you with the whole goals thing because I do the same thing. The. Same. Thing.

And I finally figured out why, and maybe you can tell me if this resonates with you:

If you sabotage yourself, then you can't really fail, because you never really tried. Therefore, you can tell yourself, kind of, that if you never *really* tried, and so you can't be THAT disappointed. Because maybe you can tell yourself *if you really tried* you could do it, but because of other things, you just can't right now. It's a built-in excuse, so that you can get away with not really trying, because deep down, you're afraid to fail.

But, at the end of our lives, I think the worst thing to have is regret - regret that we didn't try, because how is failing any worse than what we're doing to ourselves? And I don't believe that you would fail, Yvonne, and I'm not just saying that. Actually - strike that - I think you would fail a few times, but that's only because statistically, most writers do. Most writers try and fail and try and fail and try and fail, and ultimately succeed, but it takes tenacity, and you just have to set yourself up for what to expect. And what's happening to bloggers right now is NOT THE NORM, and not how it happens for most writers, so you should never - like, ever ever ever ever - feel inferior because that didn't happen for you now.

Fame and success on the Internet is pretty freaking random, and most people who have it will admit that. Unlike other fields, how good you are and how hard you work can sometimes mostly be irrelevant. For example, I love Dooce - absolutely adore her and read her daily - but the fact that she was fired for her blog early on in this medium started the fame train more than anything (though what she did with it she did on her own, so don't misunderstand me that she's unworthy, because damn, she is). And there are plenty of other people who deserve just as much fame and notoriety because they, too, are brilliant writers, but the climate in the Web world isn't as conducive as it once was, you know?

So maybe a step for you to succeed is to pick one thing - one thing! - to try *really* hard at, and follow through to the very end, and accept the consequences, no matter what they are and take success in not meeting the goal, but in following through. That's where I'm starting. That way, at least I can tell myself that I pushed all the way through and learned something, whatever happens.

Ok, Ms. Y-

You are a fantastic writer. And a fantastic photographer. And a fantastic mom.

As one of those people who identifies with your need to inflict damage on yourself when you're feeling down... (in the form of things like creme brulee and yes, chocolate frosting!) I use Fitday.

They have a free version, but I just shelled out the 25 bucks for the full version, and....it keeps me honest. it tells me exactly how many calories I can have. It travks my exercise. It gives you a place to set a goal and then there is a line graph that allows you to see how you're doing. I love this program, and I would marry it if I could.

Don't know the answer. I've achieved goals before but nothing like weight loss because you can't just achieve it. You have to live it forever and ever amen, and I am not good at that. Routines start to bore me...they say it's a trait of creative types, so maybe it's proof that you're a creative type? Actually, when I was really freaking out about my weight I put a piece of paper on the bathroom wall just above the scale and taped a pen on a string next to it and every time I weighed myself I wrote it down. It was really inspiring after I'd lost weight for a while and then it was really sucky after I was gaining weight but somehow the fact that it was so slow both ways (gaining and losing) made me feel less out of control when I was gaining. Have you ever tried anything like slm-fast.com (you can log in the food you eat every day--it's free) or fitday.com? The thing that kept me logging in my food every day (even when I CURAZY overate, like half a chocolate cake or a FULL box of those damn store donuts) was the cool way I could see if I was getting all my nutrients. I love statistics and it was so cool to be able to graph my vitamin C intake over time and stuff like that. I know it's a total nerd thing, but it's what worked (for a while...). I'm off the wagon now because I'm pregnant and I'm so scared because I'm only 5 months pregnant but I actually weigh more NOW than when I went into the hospital to DELIVER my second child. SO SCARY. I don't know if I can lose that weight after the kid's born. I just don't know.

Anyway, the only other thing that worked for me was when someone said "Don't tell yourself you're going to start your diet tomorrow. Realize that every bite, every meal, every minute is a chance to start fresh. Start your diet RIGHT THIS MINUTE by throwing away the second half of the donut and going for a walk."

So, all that to say I got nothin'. NOTHIN'. I had to buy all new maternity clothes for this, my third, pregnancy because I am now an XXL and with my previous pregnancies I was an XL, meaning most of those clothes are too small. SUCKY.

You write all of these posts about how you wish your life was or how you wish you would stop sabotoging yourself but do you ever go back and really read what you have just written? Really sat there and let the words sink in?

You are talented, funny, sexy and a genuine person who I don't doubt is a great friend to know IRL. We can sit here and tell you all of this until we are blue in the face but until YOU see it for yourself nothing is ever going to change.

You need to figure out WHY you don't like yourself. Until you do that, things are never going to change. No one can tell you how to go about doing that either- it's something that you are going to have to sit down and really think on and figure out for yourself. And it's going to require brutal honesty too.

One thing that I always notice is that you are miserable with your life but you don't really take the steps that are needed to change it. You want more money, a better life, a new house- that is going to require that you bring in money as well as your husband. Be it working outside the home or finding a writing gig. And you will never get a writing gig unless you put yourself out there. People aren't going to come to you- YOU have to go them. For anything to happen, to change- YOU are going to have to go after it yourself. Like the saying goes- if you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.

But- and I am saying this because I sincerely want to see you get out of this rut that you are in- NOTHING is going to happen until you resolve your inner demons and stop letting the past destroy you.

Whoever told you that you weren't good enough or pretty enough or smart enough in your past is still screwing up your life because you are continuing to listen to that person be it consciously or subconsciously.

A million people can tell you that you rock but one person says something negative and you feed off of that and let it go straight to your soul and allow it to eat you alive. That's where you need to start working, Y. You need to figure out WHY you allow the negative to feed off of you and not the positive.

I have a plethora of issues, myself. I am also an emotional eater and the one thing that has helped me the most is to stay the hell out of the grocery store so that I don't buy the food that goes straight to my ass. My husband picks stuff up on his way home from work. That way I don't buy chocolate cakes. It's not easy- hell, I failed this week and had some BUT it does certainly help.

I will pray for you, Y. You are a beautiful person- inside and out and once you see that for yourself, your whole life will change for the better. But you need to see it before anything will change. Stop hating yourself. It's not easy but it can be done. You just need to be honest and really take a look at yourself and your soul.

Damn, girl, what happened to your boobs? They gone!

Here's my success story: I started therapy.

I did talk therapy for a while and took anxiety medication for a while and my life did a 180. Even though nothing at all changed. My job, my home life, everything was the same, the only difference was I felt 100% better about it.

I remember walking along and catching sight of myself in a window and thinking, 'wow, I like my hair! That's a first... my whole life I always hated the way I look. Why did I never like the way I look until now?'

Then it struck me - duh! I don't hate myself any more!

After a while I went off the meds and while I am no longer quite as zen I figure I'm still OK as long as I like the person I see in the mirror.

Frankly, the whole thinking you suck thing sounds, you know, (whisper), DEPRESSED.

Just a thought.

While roaming around the blogs of academics (and occasionally feeling totally unworthy), I found this blog - http://www.successfulacademic.com/index.htm

While she's geared toward coaching people for their dissertations, she also has lots of free good advice all over her site. And yes, I should follow it, but I don't. You should though. :)

Also, you are good enough to write professionally. It's not about the technicalities, it's about the ability to engage your readers, no matter what you're talking about - bees, farts, kids, aerobic dancing, etc. Be yourself, make some connections at blogher, you can succeed and be anything you want to be. Except maybe the world's tallest man or something.

I am a fairly new reader to your blog. I have been reading daily though. I think you write wonderfully. You make me laugh...a lot. I even love hearing about the "BOBS." Hehehe...

I too get jealous of others now and again. I am a Stay at home Mom and all these other women have cool careers, or at least blog about something interesting. Me? I blog about how I scrubbed my damn floor that morning. I also would love to have a writing job, as some of my other fellow bloggers do. It won't happen for me because I am too chicken. I am stuck in my little rut. I go through bouts of depression due to my weight, lack of excitement, etc. So, I can completely identify with you on that.

As far as advice on how to deal, or make things better? I have no clue. If you get it figured out, you will have to let me know. My point...I think you are great, talented and a hoot and a half. AND never let anyone tell you differently.

You're a really great writer. I'm not just complementing you because you deserve it, I found you by accident because of your pics on Flickr. I look forward to your posts. I guess the only advice an in over his head husband and dad of three can offer is simply write because you enjoy it, you rock at it, and don't empower other people to take that away from you. You rock, we know it, and you should take chances... it won't always pan out, but enjoy the journey. I know, corny, but I mean it.

i don't have any good advice for you, y. i wish i did.

but please keep writing in this blog; i love it and it inspires me. also, if you went to the starting over house, that would totally make my year because i love that show and the only way it could get better would be if you were on there rockin' some aerobic dance moves.

y i too have pigged out i broke down and had 4 krsytal mini burgers fries and coke last night 2:00am when i got off from work.
girll too worry you gotta destress its hard. i always think i aint worth nothing but you know what i am . i am going back to college on loans and pellgranst for 2 yrs to get my degree in computer drafting. a big scary step for me i am quitting my housekeeping job of 10 1/2 yrs and ya its scary as hell but i gotta better myself and i know i can do it.
your photos are awesome and you know it :)
those you can sell. i make nice money off mine not to keep me up all the time but good play money:)
you are somebody , i dont care what anyone tells you! you are a grea momma, wife ass kicker, bootty hiphopper, photographer , blogger and the list goes on.see extra qualified in many areas :)
hugs tonya

I hope you already know what a fan I am of your writing. I think it isn't so much a question of talent in success, as it is determination, direction, and action. Set a goal. If it's a big one, break it down to managable sections. Give your self a timeline- "by June I will have submitted to 3 mags" or you know. See where it takes you and continue or change attacks.
So here's the thing. I used to act in LA theatre. I set up short term goals, and with help reached them. Then I set more, higher, short term goals. I got to work with some nice companies, and sometimes even got paid. But I let myself be bullied, and let that in turn discourage me from setting higher goals. Self defeat at it's best.

RP has the best advice- even if you don't believe it, no ESP if you don't believe it, accept the compliment with a simple thank you. When people say something nice, it's the only proper response if you want that person to feel good, too. And you might start believing these great things about yourself. We all can, because you are wonderful.

"your website is unbelievably funny. you have an amazing style. when I read it I feel like I can hear you saying everything out loud, and it makes your stories just come to life."

Hey, I remember that! You'll never guess what happened... there was this 'VERY Popular and FAMOUS Blogger' and I commented in someone else's blog about how she never bothers to comment anymore [probably because she is too big and important!] and guess what? She commented on my site that same day. Like, I think she was trying to let me know that she KNEW I was talking about her on this other blog...

Wait.

That was you.

Never mind.

Seriously, I'll quit being a smartass because you know I love you and I think you are great. And if I had the money, I would totally pay you to blog!!

don't we all wish we could get paid to blog. aside from sweetney, who else got the paid gigs from club mom- do you know? just dont' stop writing. people come here for a reason. and they keep coming back for the same reason. when you strike a chord with someone, they get involved. they keep coming back because they keep getting more and more involved in the story you are telling and before they know it, they actually CARE about what's going in your life. don't give up hope.. you never know what life has just around the corner. BIG HUGS for you!

I quit before I reach my goals. Far too often. My head doctor says it is because I am a people pleaser, I want to make everyone happy, and I fear that I will just disappoint, so why bother. He's right too - and knowing that has helped me face the issue and start to finally achieve goals. It started with finishing little things - I dreaded finishing my own knitting projects because I didn't want to screw them up, which is silly, but so true - so getting to the end of any project is something I celebrate now.

I wish I had some sage wisdom, but I don't. If I find some, I will be happy to share. I need it myself.

There is one thing that did help me somewhat - a book called "Codependent No More" which sounds all cheesy and crap, but was seriously life changing. I was just thinking about that book earlier today. Maybe it is meant to be shared.

You've kept me reading for 3+ years. I think you're awesome. :)

Bitch please. You are funny as shit. You better not stop writing. I'll come kick your non-Latina dancin ass.

I have to say I agree with Michelle above. I know you need to rant, but you rant about all the same things over and over. Chica, you are one strong ass woman. I mean, look at what you are doing with your weight loss - you are actually LOSING and looking great. You are getting your ass out of the house and moving it. It's taking time, and that is discouraging, but it will take time if you are doing it the right way.

But you are moving. That's probably more than 99999.999% of the people do. They sit on their ass, eat like crap and then wonder why the weight isn't melting off.

Don't make me get all Richard Simmons on your ass.

I had cancer. I can barely walk now. And I'm frustrated as shit. But when I get discouraged, I think about my daughter. And how I want to be strong, active with her, and a good role model to show her my courage. To show her I'm not sick anymore so she won't be afraid that I'm going to die. So I take my lame ass legs and put one in front of the other. And I lift weights until it makes me cry.

I want you to think about your daughter. And if you would want her to self-sabotage like you do. OF COURSE NOT! You'd want to encourage her to complete her goals and that she is a strong ass woman who can do anything, right?

Well, silly, you can too. If you don't believe it, it's not going to happen. You need to change your mindset. And you have a household of great reasons to believe it. To be a good role model for them. To be healthy for them. And to not get discouraged and down on yourself. The time is NOW. So what if you overate. Don't let that stop you. Just make that the reason why the next meal you eat is a healthy one. You can't punish yourself. Just move on and try to do better.

I love you woman. I really do. Your writing is honest, f*cking funny, and real. And really good. YOu are one of my favorites (and, hey, I have a degree in writing - blah, blah, blah, so I'm really picky!)

Sorry to kick your pants. But I think you rock. AND ONCE AND FOR ALL WOULD YOU TAKE OFF THAT "OVERWEIGHT" TITLE OFF YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE IT AS HOT LATINA. You ARE a hot Latina. I'd go gay for you... er... uh... if I dug chicks.

you've got me beat by just setting the goal. I can't even get that far. Baby steps.

I was just talking to a friend last night, and we agreed that ALL women do this to themselves. She was telling me she has been reading my blog, and the nasty things I tell myself about myself, are the same nasty things she tells herself. I don't know if it's only women in this country and a cultural thing, or if we're hardwired to do it, but all women get jealous. All women say unkind things to themselves. We just manifest the hurt in different ways. I SO wish I were one of those women who loses her appitite and starts cleaning the house like crazy when she feels bad!

I have no advice, just wanted to tell you I'm on the same quest. Hey, we could go to the Starting Over house together!

My thing was always ... what if I finished that fabulous painting/book? What if I lost weight and finally was pretty and skinny? What if I got my dream job and actually succeeded??

What would I be then? Who would I be? I've always been the loser so, by becoming a success, I was always afraid I would lose myself.

Do I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve misery?

But (and this is taking me years to learn) in reality, if I did succeed, who will I be? A success, dammit ... the same person but happier, and stronger. And I deserve it.

I say the hell with it. A bump in the road is just that, girl. A bump. you will get over it and go on to succeed because you deserve it. Now you just have to believe that you deserve it.

if it makes you feel any better, i feel the same way about my writing. always comparing it to someone else's, thinking theirs is so much better. yet my husband and other people tell me i do a good job. i totally get the fear of failing so why even try thing. really. i've been so stressed between working full time, going to school full time, and trying to be a decent wife and step mom that i'm just burnt out. and i've been eating more and put back on a few pounds, too. i hate that.

yvonne, i've been in school since 1999 trying to work on my degree. i know i want it, but sometimes it's just so damn hard to work and go to school. but i know it's a goal worth working towards, so i just have to push through the stress, the crying, the feeling sorry for myself (i do, because i have no time or energy after homework for anything else). part of what helps is having someone that encourages you and reminds you how much you wanted that goal. it helps a lot when i feel like quitting. it puts things in perspective.

when you set a goal, it can seem intimidating. you have to break it into smaller chunks so it is manageable. and you've been doing that by eating better and going to the gym. try to remind yourself how good you feel when you get it right, when you don't eat extra cake. find something that motivates you, like a reward to work towards after the next 5 pounds are gone. it doesn't have to be expensive, just something that makes you feel happy.

i feel for you on the money thing, too. i have a lot of friends that go fishing. it's not a cheap hobby. and they go all the time. i can't. they ask me to come along and i can't afford it. and i feel bad when they eventually stop asking. i've struggled for years with having money to do anything. and with the kid finally ready to move out, i hope it'll get better. but it'll probably be hard until she's out of school.

i don't know where i'm going with this book, but you really hit a chord, yvonne. i love to read you, and if i can help by playing editor (i do so much better at editing than i do at writing), please let me know. i read a lot about how to freelance write, so maybe i can give you some sites to look at, if you'd like. and i so wish i could be funny on paper. my friends and i laugh a lot. but i just can't figure out a way to make it funny on paper. you just are. keep practicing.

love ya girl.

ps) you inspire me to dig deeper in my writing and really put myself out there. i really want to do that on my blog, but i know that opens me up for criticism. the fact that you are so open and putting yourself out there in spite of the trolls? i admire that, yvonne. i don't know if i have that courage. you are awesome.

You have got to be kidding me! You are beyond awesome!! I read you everday!! Everyday!! And I sit at my computer and laugh out loud. Laugh out LOUD!! That is an extraordinary gift! To move us to tears and laughter...you are a WRITER! A really great writer!

I have the exact same issues as you. Couple that with a knack at not having any clue what to do with an emotional moent? that's me.

like it freaks me out if someone is crying.

And i will say something completely imappropriate. Such as when i was 7, and my grandfather died, and my mom was crying and i just got scared, looked for where i could run to, decided i should stay but knew this was akward as hell, and blurted out "well at least grandma didn't die too. or maybe she will die tomorrow who knows." When i realized that had gone wrong, I kept shoving my leg down my own throat with "Well mommy I'm not dead, cause how would you feel if I was dead?"

oh yes, the beginnings of a great career in saying the wrong things.

Also I am incapable of taking a compliment and when I get one? i stammer and try to refute it, and also want to crawl away. Also my face gets hot and my underarms start to sweat. I may want to run away.

When i am sad or bored or angry, I eat. I am glad I caught myself at 40 lbs above my normal weight...

I have no idea what to do about it.. because i am trying to work on this myself. Just wanted to offer you props. Just also thought I would say props so you would totally know I am a white girl (but not one who could outdance you in Aerobic dance class. Ballet.. maybe.)

And yes, you should totally enter the starting over house so you can tell us all about it. Give us the inside scoop. Also? I thinnk it would be fun to booby trap it. You need to figure out a way to do this inside of the starting over house.

http://cellar.org/iotd.php?threadid=10491

Delurking to say- just because you are at a rough point right now, that ABSOLUTELY does not mean that you have not made real progress and undergone a serious change as a person. Don't lose faith that things are getting better! Oh, and- you look unbelievably gorgeous. I don't even know you, so why would I lie? That kind of accomplishment is pretty amazing by any standard.

Hi there,

I'm not a Famous Blogger so maybe you will believe me when I tell you that you are a fantastic writer - you are! Please stop comparing yourself to other people, we read you because of your individual style. I, for one, wish I could write like you. I also wish I could aerobic dance like you.

I'm also not a great advice giver - but since you asked, here's my 2 cents:

cent#1: Imagine that your oldest son was the one that wrote this:
"I don't even try at all, because, why bother if I'm going to fail?"

What would you tell him?

That's what you should tell yourself. I'm always hardest on myself and it's a constant struggle to not beat myself up. So I try to be as nice to myself as I am to my friends. Heck, most of us are nicer to total strangers than we are to ourselves!

cent#2: You're already a writer. You can definitely make a living at it. I know because I would pay to read you! But you know, writers, like actors, collect rejection letters like if they were postage stamps. It comes with the territory! So don't be afraid of them - it's part of the job.

Oh, and jealousy? It's totally normal. We're all jealous of each other. I'm jealous of your BLOGADS for christ's sakes!

I always come here when I need to smile. I wanted you to know that.

*hugs*

Okay. You asked how we deal with the bumps in the road. My personal goal was/is to lose weight. A lot of weight. And it is so freakin' hard to do. Whenever I feel like I can't do it, I'm just a mom at home with kids and man, I NEED to reward myself with chocolate, I come here. No kidding, Y. I come and look at the pictures, and say "THAT'S what I want. To go from fat to thin. Like Yvonne" and then I think, if she could do it, so can I. And I go for a walk. Have I said thank you? Thank you.

There you go again, with that fearless, forthright voice of yours. Do you realize your vulnerability makes you invulnerable? And that your readers are inspired by this willingness, this courage? Well, it's okay if you don't grok that now. But be prepared for the reception from your fans when you attend BlogHer. I'll be in line with the others, hoping to touch the hem of your jeans.

About the writing gigs and going to BlogHer: Be sure to print out your business cards. Be prepared to pass them out and make connections. I did that last year and got writing gigs. At first, these were volunteer writing gigs that were great for my portfolio/resume and for 'paying dues'. And, in the past couple of months, I've been blessed with paid assigments. I really think that, for me, it was about showing up, which, as we all know, is 95% of what life is all about.

Also, get more ads. Don't be shy and don't be nervous. Your devoted readership will not leave you and, bonus, they'll be clicking your ads because you are loved. Get two sidebars worth. It's the American Way!

I'll bet you knew all of that already, yes? If so, then thunk me upside the head at BlogHer. If not, then you can still thunk me upside the head at BlogHer.

Peace to you, dear Y...

I don't know what the definition of "a good writer" is, but you are certainly a great storyteller. And you put your stories on paper (aka the internet) so I think should count for something. Don't mean to sound freaky, but I feel like I know you -- that's how real your stories are. And I wish I did know you! You sound like a wonderful, fun, kick-ass aerobic dancer.

y'know it's really weird to see someone writing about how you yourself can feel. I totally understand where you're coming from. Now I don't believe in the useless practice of telling a worse story to try to make you feel better about your own situation. That was my mom's specialty. as it only makes you feel worse that you're so selfish to think of only yourself when there are even worse things happiening to other people. Yeah, that always helps. What a wonderful world. Anyhoo, from reading your entry and feeling pretty much right there with ya. I know it's time to get real help from a professional. and even with that, I too, start down a path, begin to succeed and then right when i feel the slightest twinge of success, I worry about losing it, panic and sabotage myself right back into oblivion. It's a horrible cycle but really you are doing the right thing by writing and blogging. I myself have just gotten hooked on the things. as for the blogging success of others, realize this from someone who worked with marketing people. You could look at these writers as selling out to a certain extent. In that eventually everything they write will have to be approved by someone else. their personal blogs will have to be taken down because God Forbid they write something ill-favorable to the people they've sold out too or the content is now being sold so no more freebies. I'm happy for them in one way, but sad that the their true authentic selves are being manipulated, sensored and re-written and packaged up for sale. As true creative people, after awhile that will get old. It may be loosely monitored for now, but I guarantee you corporate america will find some way to produce a McBlog for everyone (with a prize inside).

God - how I wish I had the answer. I have a lot of friends who are Christians and use their faith to help them climb mountains - but for a heathen like me? That's not an option.

I've always thought you were/are amazing though. You have a lot of fans who love you and your writing -

and who would LOVE it if you share the truth if you find it. I could use some help too.

Hey Y! I know I say this all the time, but it amazes me that you feel this way about yourself. When I get jealous, I am jealous of YOU!
AS far as setting goals, I'm not a good one to ask. I'm too afraid to even acknowledge that I might want to do something. I deleted that Club Mom invitation before I even read the whole thing, because I was scared. At least you got as far as filling out the application.
You definitely deserve to be paid for blogging, though so maybe you should make a rule for yourself. Something like: you will apply for a writing job somewhere on the net once a week. I don't know how it works, but you could apply at Blogging Baby or Club Mom or that Alpha mom thing and even if they don't have room for you now, at least they will have your application so when they do have room. Plus, I"m sure if anyone read your blog they would see right away what an asset you would be.

I'm new to reading blogs. I only read two and yours is one of them. You tell a great story and sound like a great mother. Mothering is really, really hard, and I'll bet you never walk away when that gets tough. Try to channel some of that confidence and determination into other areas of your life and you'll be a great success. Your weight loss is amazing - you look great. Thanks for entertaining me.

This is a few days late. And, why add on to almost forty comments? I don't know. Because I'm already here. And, I believe that what I have to say is valuable. So okay.

For me, success is a big picture. It's some place I'm going, but ever-changing and fluid. Maybe over a lifetime. My success, however, is made of goals and goal-achieving behavior. There is room for failure. In fact, any goal I've ever reached has involved a fair amount of what I've deemed "failed attempts." There are more goal-achieving attempts than failed attempts (overall) and WAY more learning in the failed attempts. When I get to that goal, it is a sweet place.

For me, goals cannot be obtained if there isn't some failure along the way. In fact, the goal contains some of the lessons learned in failure.

This is long winded. And, you're probably thinking I'm a freak by now. But, that's okay.

I’ve been sitting here, thinking of what to say, and the truth is, I don’t KNOW what to say, but I wanted you to know that a stranger on the internet is thinking of you...

You left that in my journal a while back and I'd like to mirror that back to you. I'd also like to say that there have been so many times that your words have touched me when I also felt like throwing in the towel. You are giving a lot of women out here in internet land a lot of hope and courage to carry on even when it's so much easier to give in to the chocolate cake. Myself included. Don't give up on us girl, you are truly one amazing, beautiful woman. xoxo back to ya.

Okay, here it is. I went to school for 11 straight years. I wanted to get my Bachelors Degree because I wanted to my my Mexican, hard working (field) daddy proud. You know!

It was soooo difficult! Let me tell you... I had family members doubting me left and right.
I had to tell myself that this was do-able. I wasn't the first nor the last to pay for my education through loans and work.
I wanted to give up sooo bad and work full time anywhere. My inspriation came from within. I finally told my own ass "you can do this!!!" "NO REALLY , QUIT WHINNING...YOU CAN!" Soon, I began to believe my own words.

11 years later...taddda!! I got my B.A. in Psychology.
I'm in grad school now, and I'm at the top of my class...kicking ass! (I AM not being cocky)

I took a long look at myself and believed that I could do it. Sounds stupid huh?

A proffesor once told me that in order to succeed sometimes we have to "Fake it untill we MAKE it!"

I live by those words...honest I do!

You're probably not even going to read this because you have like 50 comments. Also, I don't have any good advice because I do the same thing. Except when I hurt myself, it's by cutting. I'm a cutter. And I've fought depression since highschool and I don't know what to tell someone to make them feel better. Y - you are a good writer. You could write a book about depression and hurting yourself because you're so relatable and it would make so many people feel better knowing they're not alone. Your posts help me more than you'll ever know.

i think jonniker nailed it. if you don't really try, you never really fail. i know because i used to do that, and to some extent still do. we all fail, we all have our bad days, we all fall off the horse... the important part, and the hardest part, is getting back on. only you can decide to do that, you just have to want it bad enough. for me, i use negative comments as a motivator. i guess it brings out the competitor in me... "you think that about me? oh yeah, well I'LL SHOW YOU". what can i say, i love to prove people wrong :)

You think you invented self-sabotage!

(What, not funny anymore?)

I love you so much, darling. SO MUCH. And that's all I've got, because here I am with the paid gig and I keep deleting everything I write because I am certain (CERTAIN) that it sucks.

Hi Y-

You're one of my new favorites and you do have a great storytelling ability.

On the goal front - I was watching the Today Show recently and Margo thomas was hawking a book about saying the right thing (book 2) - inspiring words of advice from real people (as opposed to celebs who were featured in book 1).
Anyone - one story was of a nurse who had the aptitude to be a doctor was telling a doctor she worked with how she always wanted to be one but if she went for it by the time she got thru med school, her residency, etc. she'd be 40. The doctor said to her plainly, "well, you're gonna be 40 anyway." She went on to become a doctor at 40.

Just something that struck me like, "hey, he's got a point" and might resonate with you. I dunno.

Anyway - please keep writing. You're such a gift.

I'm going to send you an email because I can so relate to all you've said.

Will you be my friend? Check yes or no. lol.

xoxo

Oh, sweetie...

When you find the answer? Share it with me, OK?

I'm 6 weeks off the wagon. I haven't been to a WW meeting and I'm a few pounds up, maybe 5. I could have written your post, word for word. There are so many of us in this damn boat I'm shocked that it hasn't sunk to the bottom of the ocean from all the extra pounds and morose attitudes.

I wish I had an answer for us.

I know you were asking for advice and answers to what works for us...and most if not all of the comments are from people who relate to what you had to say. And I am no different. And I think because for each of us the answer is always going to be different. And we don't realize what we did that made it work sometimes.

For me - I love 15 pounds last year. Why? Because I had a tangible goal. We were going to Jamaica and I wanted to wear a bikini without feeling like people were pointing at the disgusting used to be skinny girl.
Now? I've put most of it back on and I keep trying to lose it, but I have no reason to. Sure I want to. I want to do it for me. But I apparently don't put that much importance on myself, unless I'm going to be put into an embarrassing situation. And that makes me sad.

I have an opportunity to put in for a PERFECT job for me. And I'm dragging my feet? Why? Because I'm a fraud that's why. At least that's how I feel. I don't know what I'm doing and I should be happy that I have the job I have now. That's what I tell myself. And that is not true. I know it's not true. But I cannot stop myself.

I'm also horrible at the compliments. I don't accept them well. I love to hear them, but I don't always believe them. And I even wonder why they are being nice to me....what are they setting me up for? I'm just so insane.

And the jealousy thing. Let me tell you. Not that you know me but I've been reading your blog for a little under a year now and you say that you are jealous of people with houses and this and that and the other. But you know what? I'm jealous of you? Why? You have friends. Real friends. Friends that you can go and be yourself with. Friends that you can go and have fun with. Friends. Not acquaintances. Not people you talk to on the phone from time to time. You have real, honest to god friends. And I'd give anything to have that. I used to have it - and then I got married and moved somewhere new. And I've not had friends since. And it sucks. So just remember that most people are jealous over something and everyone has people around them that are jealous of them...even if we don't know it or can even fathom why!

You are a fantastic writer. You are honest and true. And I agree with the "famous blogger" that your stories come alive in my head. They do! I can see you in aerobic dance class. I can see you pushing Gabby in her swing. I can see you running from the bees. And your words put those images in my head.

So...my answer to you? Try to find out what your block is. What is it that makes you feel this way and try to work on that. Sure I need to follow the same advice and I'm trying. But that's the only answer I have. Other than knowing that you are not alone!

Oh man, I know where you're coming from. I'm pretty self-destructive too, when I feel insecure or whatnot. Instead of eating, though, I tend to lock myself in my room for days at a time and avoid the human populace.

I was at a point where this was basically every day (I did grudgingly attend school, where I skulked in corners) and knew I needed help. It was expensive and time consuming, but worth it: I went to see a psychologist. We made a plan of action and after nearly a year finished the action plan. I'm still skulking in corners occasionally, but it's not nearly as bad as that.

Seeing a shrink isn't for everyone, but for many, it's a good place to start the healing process. And fortunately the stigma of seeing one isn't so bad anymore!

Wow, Yvonne. I could have written this (though I don't know that it would have been as engaging if I had). So many times when I read about your relationship with your body or to your own self I think "that's so me". We have so much in common that way.

You inspire me - with your weight loss, with your couragw and strength - you are such a funny, real, engaging writer and suvh a wonderful Mama and such a beautiful woman. I don't get to read blogs often anymore but when I do, I read yours :)

I just found your blog via...someone? I can't remember right now, but thank you, whoever you were! The first five posts I read have made me cry with understanding and empathy (they aren't the same!) and my god if you didn't kick ass in losing all that weight. You look AMAZING. (You weren't fishing for compliments, I'm just telling you the truth, because I understand, and I've only had ONE little monster.)
Anyway, I love this blog, I've added it to my daily mess o' blogs (now reaching thirty-odd! It's a sickness!) and I wish you all the best and continued success and god bless you if you even read all sixty of these comments. :-)