Yesterday, my husband was home from work, thanks to The Damn "A Day Without ILLEGAL Immigrants" , (but we won't EVEN go there today, OK?!) What could have and should have been a great day together started with one of our Biggest Fight Ever.
About a sportscaster.
That's right. We had a fight about sportscaster. You see, he thought the dude on the local news was the same dude that broadcasts on a local radio station and I was all "Um, not even the same guy" and He Who Is Always Right Even When He Is Proven To Be Wrong was all "Yes! It is! Watch, LOOK IT UP ONLINE!" and I was all "I WILL!" and he was all "Do it already!" So, I looked it up and guess what? He was wrong! The proof was right there on the screen and get this! He wouldn't concede! He would NOT admit defeat! He could not bring himself to say "Ok, I was wrong! You're right!" Instead, he got all pissy with me and said things like "Keep your voice down!" and "Go to Fox.com and look there!"
And y'all? I lost my shit.
"OMG! I HATE YOU! FUCK YOU! I'M LEEAAVVVINGG YYOOOUUUUU!"
One would think he would have been pissed that I had just screamed such words at him, but, ha! ha! HE LAUGHED AT ME! Because a)I never, ever talk like that to him b) I was screaming it in an EXTREMELY high pitched voice, like "hellium high" c) um, I just told him I hated him over disagreement about a sportscaster.
His laughter pissed me off even more. I ran out the front door, slammed it behind me and took off up the street, in my mismatched "pajamas" and slippers. I was shaking, and crying but totally not expecting him to chase after me! (And that right there clearly proves that I've MATURED GREATLY.) As I was speed walking up the street, I was crying and breathing all frantic like when all of a sudden, I felt like the biggest jackass on the face of the earth.
Where was I going? And what exactly was I going to do once I got there?
I turned around and headed back home, still pissed as hell, but also slightly embarrassed at the way I had completely overreacted to the situation. Tony's a bigger person that I will ever be because had he been the one to have stormed out of the house like that? My first thought would have been "He didn't take the keys! HA! HA! I'm locking his ass OUT!"
Once I was inside the house, he approached me and apologized for not admitting that he was wrong and I WON! Then, we both started laughing hysterically at how stupid the entire thing was. But, like tom cruise says "It wasn't even about the sportscaster". I'm not quite sure what it really was about, but I have a few guesses.
I am bitter and feel very much like a failure in my life, so, when he wouldn't give me credit for KNOWING MY (SPORTSCASTER)SHIT, I lost my shit because HELLO? Would it kill you to give me THAT? Damn.
I was pissed at The Mexicans for forcing him to take a day off and having to make it up on Saturday, taking away from precious weekend family time. (But, again, we won't EVEN go there.)
I hadn't had my coffee yet and was feeling resentful that my husband hadn't offered to go get me one, and also feeling resentful that if I asked him to get me one, he'd say "no! We agreed no more Starbucks! We can't afford Starbucks!"
I needed my "Enchilada Stuffed" but, because my husband didn't schedule his appointment within 6 months (SIX MONTHS PEOPLE, HE HAD SIX MONTHS1) after taking "the class" he has not had his Shit Snipped yet and now is once again on a waiting list to take the class again because THAT SHIT EXPIRES! So, I want to "Do it" but he's still packing a "Weapon of Mass Fertilization&trade and I AINT EVEN TRYING TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN!
(A very long way of saying, Hi! I'ma grown woman and I'm resentful of my husband for not getting me a coffee AND for not getting his nards fixed !)
OMG! Stop whining and think of the children! THE CHILDREN!
The "I think your cooking sucks and GET ME OUTTA THIS DAMN HIGH CHAIR ALREADY!" Children.
The "Holy mother of BOBS, we HATE your camera and hope it DIES, but we don't hope YOU die because we love you, but man, it sure would be nice if you broke an arm because then you couldn't take pictures anymore!" children.
Thank God for The Children.
OMG, I love you, you are too damn funny. A sportscaster? And then by the end your talking about cameras and broken arms?
Dang.
And, why won't your blog remember my name and stuff? It is just me having that problem, right?