Sometimes, I wonder what my kids would write about if they had a blog. I can only imagine their entries would go a little something like this...
My mom is so gross. Last night, she was all "Hey, come here, I have a little surprise for you." I got a excited because I thought maybe she was going to tell me we were going to Disneyland or something like that, so I came close. All of a sudden, she lifted her leg and let one out. She laughed so hard, but I didn't think it was funny. Then, this morning, I heard her tell my sister she was going to go pee really quick and then I heard this "psssssss tinkle tinkle *PFFFFTTTFRRRATATATTAAAAAAA". I told her in the car that I heard it and she started laughing really hard and said "It was that loud?" and I told her yes, it was loud and also gross. But she thinks it's funny, kinda like how she thinks it's funny to wake us up by singing The Goodship Lollipop whilst tap dancing. I really wish I could tell her that her farts aren't funny and that they kinda actually gross me out, but I'm afraid she'll only do it more because she likes to annoy me on purpose. I love my mom because she makes really good tacos, but I wish she'd keep her farts to herself and act more like a lady.
P.S. When the Lakers lost last night, my mom didn't know I was still awake and I heard her say The "F" word alot and also "ASS".
I could be completely wrong, but that's exactly what I imagine my kids would write if they had a blog. How great would that be? Well, great for me and you know why? Because think of the totally awesome comments I could leave!
Name: Totally not your mom
Email address: Farts@arefunny.com
Well, at least your mom doesn't have SKID MARKS in her chonis!
p.s. she's grown, she can do what she wants!
I think I'll set him up a blogger account today! Any suggestions for a URL?
(I'm not REALLY going to set him up a blogger account, so don't send me frantic emails asking me things such as "OMG! Have you not watched Dateline's "To Catch a Predator?" How could you endager your children in that way?" I only wrote this because I'm avoiding writing about serious issues that are not "made up for entertainment purposes.")
(Also? OMG! Ed Sanders FINALLY returned my email and he said things like "Next time you see me please
stop and say hello and remind me about this email" and "I look forward to seeing you at Target!" (because, remember that one time I saw him at Target.?) And yes, I realize that emailing him makes me a big dork, but dudes, I have an "emailing celebrities problem." No. Really. Yesterday, I emailed Raja Bell and told him that what he did to Kobe made him look like an ass and that plays like that give the NBA a bad name. OH, and also? To GROW UP ALREADY (which, haha, Me, telling someone to "grow up". I think there's a word for that... HYPOCRISY) I may need a "stop the emailing celebrities INSANITY" intervention.)
Aww, and I'd write to Raja Bell and thank him. I hate Kobe. I haven't liked the Lakers since Magic left. Give me the old Jerry West, Pat Riley, Kareem, Magic, Gail Goodrich, Lakers. Yeah, I know that covers a huge period. A huge period without Kobe. :) In fact, I hated Shaq...until the Shaq/Kobe wars started, then I liked Shaq, even rooting for the Heat to beat the Lakers.
Have you been reading the Zits comic strip about the kid blogging? Not laugh out loud funny, but amusing in a "I know exactly what he's talking about" way.