A few weeks before BlogHer, Leah had asked me if I'd be willing to do a video interview for Alpha Mom. I was excited, because no one EVER asks me for interviews (I mean, why would they? Seriously? What am I going to talk about? Aerobic Dancing?)

We tried to make plans to meet somewhere for the interview, but it never worked out, so I was all "Let's do it at BlogHer!"

Next thing I know, I'm scheduled for a 3:30 interview in Leah's hotel room.

I was nervous. Very nervous. For one, there's the whole weight issue. (OMG! THE CAMERA ADDS 10 POUNDS!) Then, the fact that I spit when I talk whilst excited (Don't believe me? Ask Amy! Also? I fart when overstimulated (Don't believe me? Lassa or Jen how many times I excused myself to go "rip one" on the balcony.) But mostly, I was nervous about not having anything intelligent or insightful to say.

When I arrived at the hotel, I was met by Alpha Mom Herself, Isabel Kallman (Love.Her. FO FUH-KEENG!), a camera man whose name I forgot, Leah and Jesus!

Jesus, the makeup arteest.

I was shocked to find out that there would be a "professional makeup artist" taking care of my face painting needs. Knowing that my makeup would be done by a professional put me somewhat at ease because at least I'd look SMASHING if I accidently let one rip.

Jesus invited me to sit on the toilet (WHAT?! No chair with my name on it?!) so that he could make me pretty. As I sat there, talking with him, asking him for makeup tips (because LORD KNOWS I NEED THEM.) I have to admit that I felt so special.

And I wanted to cry.

Here's an excerpt from an email I sent to Isabel yesterday.

(OMG! CHEESE ALERT! CHEESE ALERT! FOR IT IS CHEESY)

I've never felt very smart, I've always struggled with feelings of "not being good enough." I often feel as though good things happen to everyone else and that good things don't happen to me because I simply don't deserve them.

Being apart of the interviews made me feel like I was part of something really special and my God, it felt good. I wanted to cry as I was sitting there having my makeup done because I felt so damn special.

I know it's cheesy and that you may have just thrown up in your mouth a little when you read that, but that's how I felt.

I BLAME JESUS. With his pretty eyelashes and soft hands. JESUS MADE ME CRY!

After the makeup was done, the camera man showed me how to put on my mic (OMG! I got to wear a mic! Just like the kids from The Real World do!)and I took my seat next to Leah. I was more terrified then ever because OH MY GOD I WAS WEARING A MIC! And there were lights! And a camera! And *pfffffffffrattata* YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU A HOT PARENTING TIP?

I'm not going to give away the questions, or the answers. You'll have to wait to see them, BUT! I will tell you that at one point in the interview, Leah asked me about my Aerobic Dancing and I was overcome with so much excitement that my mouth started to water, I jumped up out of my seat, kicked the chairs out of the way and was all "WANT ME TO SHOW YOU THE MONKEY?"

I can't blame "the liquor" because it was only 4 in the afternoon and I hadn't even had a drink yet. That was ALL ME, people. I can't help it, I'm obsessed (and perhaps, also posessed) with The Aerobic Dance.

The most akward part of the interview was when we had to stare at each other for the "fade out." The first time, I looked away and they were all "We have to stare for the fade out." And I was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

They were totally serious.

Oh! Oh! And then? GET THIS! We had to do these "fake nod" shots. People! FAKE.NOD.SHOTS.

I'm pretty sure it went a little something (or quite possibly EXACTLY) like this.

Camera man: Give me a "Funny" nod

Me:

Camera man: Um, ok, now give me a "surprised nod"

Me:

Camera man: Now, give me a "serious" nod.

Me:

HA! HA! HA! HA! And also "OMG! This is going to be on Alpha mom!"

Had someone told me that I'd have to be doing a little bit of "acting", I would have brushed up on my TOTALLY NON EXISTENT acting skills.

As soon as the interview is up, I'll pass the link along to you, because you KNOW you can't wait to see it.

(But, um, there's always the chance that I'll "forget" to tell you about it.)

Stay tuned for Part Three: The Accidental Drunk.