But you sounded so calm and matter-of-fact on the message! LMAO!

Y, you crack me up! Great story (and glad you're okay).

OMG!!!1!! (I seriously wish I was a teenager somedays...)

Let me know if you need help digging a hole to hide the body. Just know that I might need the favor returned after I smother my husband with a pillow.

Whew, I'm glad it was just GAS. And your dad was close by.

A couple weeks ago, my minivan died and it was OIL.

Evidently, running out of oil is MUCH worse than running out of gas. hahaha HAAHAHA I'm only laughing because if I don't I would have to cry. CRY over every dollar it cost to buy a rebuilt engine. Sigh....

Hope the party was fun!

Do you know that I have had the exact same argument with my husband??!
I am all the time hearing how lucky we are that he has a job that gives him lots of flexible time at home to help out and be home in case one of three kids gets sick at school, or whatever. I won't say specifically what he does but let's just say it involves fire, and someone possibly needing to put one out.
Interestingly - whenever I have called for him to...oh get groceries, pick up a sick child, that type thing, mysteriously he NEVER HEARS THE PHONE RING. It is the most aggravating thing in the world to me. ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!

Well, Mija, maybe he's busy.

This was my favorite part of the whole thing. ba ha ha ha (Glad you're OK!)

At first I thought your post said "the woman who called the cops because she thought The Bee Gees were trying to kill her..." and I was like, "I don't remember hearing THAT story?"

Glad you're okay!

I thought you just left me messages like that.

Well, at least you got a good blog out of it! I recently 1. fell in puke at the mall and 2. got my first speeding ticket (35mph). And once I had recovered, my first thought was, "This should make an interesting blog entry." Sad but true.

Funny story! My husband is "phone deaf" as well.

I think you deserve some kind of blogging prize for including one of your answering machine messages. Gold.

I'm a short term lurker...but this cracked me up and I have to comment.

I think it's hilarious that your dad thinks if you miss the rapture...that GAS could be the biggest of your worries. :) Or that he thinks it's a possiblity that you will miss the rapture at all (probably due to this blog and your swearing-heehee).

You crack me up and I empathize with so many of your life situations...like growing up a fundamentalist, having a bunch of kids, and struggling with weight. Thank you for your honest and frank insight into life.

I SO would have told my family that they suck, too - car trouble scares the shit out of me. Possibly more than The Rapture! Glad all is well - were you still able to make it to Ethan's game?

I'm more afraid of car problems than the rapture as well.

But I raise my arms in front of this whole blog to rejoice that you aren't dead and are able to blog about it. MIJA!!

Now I need to go see SJ and read about the slippery vomit in the mall.

P.S. Sometimes when I'm shopping with Zoe, and some bitches are talking shit about me (lily white woman) in Spanish (I know enough to know that), I usually will say, "come here, Mija" with a Spanish accent. That usually shuts them up. Either that or I just say "QUE!!" all crazy like and loud.

I'm insane, aren't I?

LOL You were a lot calmer than I would have been. You should hear the messages I leave when I call home and no one answers the phone when I KNOW they're there. All I can say about your husband and your dad.....MEN! Sheesh! LOL

I love that phone message. You sound sixteen. And you told your family they sucked. HA!

I probably would not have been so calm. And he probably would not be so two-testicled after I got home.

And because I have the genius intellect to solve the world's problems, I decided to fix something that was majorly wrong:

( Y )

A better adjustment, no?

Damn! It didn't work! Just add, like, five spaces on each side. Stupid internet.

I think you don't love us very much anymore because you used to answer us back in the comments, and now...

...not so much :*( (that star thingie is a tear, in case you didn't know it)

but here, my best auto repair tip: A can of aerosol Aqua Net hairspray and a Brawny papertowl will remove most black marks or paint (as in from other vehicles or those pesky 2 foot tall painted concrete poles at the bank) from your vehicle, without damaging your paint. Just use a little elbow grease.

Then touch it up with the matching OPI nail polish-- good as new unless you've dented the durn thing.

But even if its a dent- make sure you clean it, then polish it with nail polish and a clear sealant or else it will rust and look like dog shit.

Redneck Auto Repair. Guaranteed to make your hubby choke on his stogie.

You are brilliant!! Adding the voice mail message was true genious! Thank you for such an entertaining blog.

You poor thing! I HATE losing brakes!

So glad you're okay. Gas seems to be a popular topic here. Gaby's gas; your lack of gas.

Y, you are hilarious! Your husband sounds just like mine, all the way down to not answering his cell phone.

You know what?

I can't wait to see your blog entry about The Rapture.

Oh, don't act like you won't blog it. Besides, God reads blogs too, you know.

Just wondering-- how's your uncle doing?

Thanks for asking.

He IS improving. It's NOT cancer, which is what they thought it was. Turns out, the spots on his liver weren't cancer, but were lacerations. (A few years ago, he had his foot amputed because of cancer and he had been falling a lot recently) And his liver was leaking toxins into his body.

He's getting better, his infections are clearing up, but he's still too weak to breathe on his own. (They tried taking the breathing tube out yesterday, but had to reinsert it.)

Anyway, looks like he's not going to die after all, but it's still a serious situation. We're all just praying for the best.

Thanks again for asking.

so I read the title and thought "oh, it's going to be a post about gas.. and tooting.. and maybe Gabby has gas or something" and then my brain switched on to "think, dumb dumb" mode and I realized it was THE story. About the car with NO gas. And then I read hurredly to see what had happened and how scary it was. SCARY!
thanks for the giggle (hmmm, i typed google...search much?)

glad to hear your uncle's doing better too. : )

YES! I thank God that you are alive to keep blogging! With my hands raised to the sky!

And I just have to wonder...knowing what we know about how your father raised you, and what a good person you were and are, why in the WORLD would he think that there is even the remotest possibility that you would be LEFT BEHIND and even have to worry about rationing gas after the RAPTURE? Hello? Dad?

And then apologize to him, because I'm from one of those "once saved, always saved" faiths, and I ain't gonna be here during no stinking armageddon.
;-)

So what my hubby would do. I feel your pain. I just play dumb when if I hit something like that and get yelled at much later in the time frame!

So what my hubby would do. I feel your pain. I just play dumb when if I hit something like that and get yelled at much later in the time frame!

Good to know. Two weeks ago, our minivan was beeping and doing the low fuel thing. My husband, who was following me and our kids, wanted me to wait until we got to the next gas station (uh, 10 miles away) but I pulled into the first one I saw. I get out, and he pulls up and is all, "What are you DOING? You'll MAKE IT!" I said, "Fine, then YOU drive it, because it's beeping at me and flashing LOW FUEL and shit!" Of course, he gets out, looks, and then goes, "Yeah, I guess you better." Oy vey.

Hey Y,

Gonna preach a little, forgive me please, it's only because I AM glad that you're alive to blog again. You CAN stop your car when it's engine dies. And steer it too, probably, but that's less important. If you'll tolerate some unsolicited advice, I suggest that you go to a big empty parking lot and try this: slow your vehicle down to a very slow speed. Carefully turn off the key, just one "click" back so you don't lock the wheel, just turn off the engine. Then put the middle of your right foot (not just your toes) on the break pedal and apply steady FIRM pressure. Straighten your leg out and get your thigh into it. If necessary, lift your butt off the seat and STAND on that pedal. You will feel it move down and the van WILL stop, maybe a little suddenly (I did say start slowly right?). Any normal healthy adult can stop a power-breaks car or van without power. Then try it again, slowly. After you turn it off, try using both hands (and all the muscles in your arms) to turn the wheel just a bit to the right, like you're trying to pull over. Actually the slower you are moving, the harder it is to steer. If you're ever in an "emergency" situation like that you'll find you can steer easier if you're moving faster, but of course you also need to be able to stop.

i've never commented b4~ but that chuck e cheese picture is too too cute! we took my gramma there on her 93rd bday baby and yes we got 93 frikkin tokens.

oh yeah and i cant get over the sermon at the gas station thing thats hilarious.