I used to work with a girl who was always mad at me for things that were beyond my control.
Things like "my weight" or "my hair" or "the fact that men would talk to me and not her."
The one time we got along perfectly was after I had Ethan. Because I was F-A-T. Man, she loved me so much and was never mad at me. But then I went and ruined it by going on the Atkins Diet and getting skinnier than I had been in a very long time.
She would make snotty remarks ("Oh, look at YOU with your tight little skirt.") and be pissy with me for stupid things. (Like the time that one of the "dads" called to talk to me about his kid and she was all "Why is he telling YOU all of that? I'm the one who told him that I was here for him if he ever needed to talk. I MUST BE BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL SKINNY NOW.")
It was obvious that she couldn't stand me because I was thin, and yet, she was always inviting me and Tony to do things. I would feel obligated to go, because if I didn't, she'd be all "Oh, what, you think you're too good to hang out with me?"
One night, a mutual friend had invited me and Tony to come over to play games. She had also invited Little Miss Sunshine and her husband. The game of choice that night was "Gestures" and man, I kicked some serious ass because I have NO SHAME. What? The word is fire hydrant? NO PROBLEM! I'll get on the ground and lift my leg like a dog. Because winning is more important than dignity, people.
I had fun, inspite of "Sunshine's" comments and let me assure you, comments were made.
I was not prepared for the wrath that I would face the next day at work. When I walked in the door, she looked up at me, rolled her eyes and said a little snotty "Oh. Hello."
"Um, hi? Did I do something wrong?"
"No."
She turned her back to me and walked away all dramatic like.
She ignored me for most of the day and I ignored her right back. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore, marched right up to me with her hands on her hips and said "My husband is in love with you."
"HUH?WHATTHEFUCKWHAT?"
"Yeah, so last night, after we left Carol's house, I asked Steve some questions about my friends. I asked him who he thought my prettiest friend was and which friend he thought had the best personality. He said that YOU had the best personality. Then, I asked him, if he were stranded on a desert island and could choose to spend the rest of his life with my prettiest friend or the friend with the best personality, he said HE'D CHOOSE PERSONALITY!!!"
What does a person say to such a thing? "Um, sorry that you put your husband on the spot like that and that you were too dumb to know that those games are dangerous and you do NOT PLAY THOSE KINDS OF GAMES UNLESS YOU CAN TRULY HANDLE THE ANSWERS!"
(I know that from experience, because one time? When I was really young? I thought it would be fun to play the "Have you ever been attracted to anyone else while we've been married? You can tell me, really! I won't get mad!" game and my husband was all "Well, there was this girl who was on the job site for a couple of weeks who was really nice and funny and so we'd sit on the back of her truck and have lunch together everyday." Because he was dumb and also because I assured him that it was "just a game" and I "wouldn't get mad!" That was 13 years ago and I STILL bring that bitch every once in a while. "If I'm so annoying, why don't you go have lunch with your whore girlfriend who I bet is an ugly beast because ONLY UGLY GIRLS WORK IN CONSTRUCTION, YOU ASS!")
Why do women play such stupid games? Honestly, what good could possibly come out of such questions?
I remember an episode of King of Queens (a show that I am very much obsessed with because it is the funniest comedy on television.) where Cari and Doug are laying in bed and Doug brings up the "free pass" person. "You know, the one person that if we had a chance to be with, we would and the other person would just have to deal with it."
He asks Carrie who her free pass would be. She thinks about it and says "Mel Gibson."
When it was his turn, he goes through a list of celebrity names and then says "I think I'll just stick with the girl who does your nails."
Oh snaps.
I decided after she told me about her stupid little game that she was what HOprah liked to call a "Toxic Friend" and that I needed to rid my life of her "friendship". I've since promised myself that anytime a person makes me feel bad for things like "my weight" or "my PERSONALITY" that I would cut them out of my life. I don't need so called friends making me feel bad about who I am or about stupid things like making their husbands laugh. (Oh! The whore-ish nerve of me!)
It's a shame she didn't get to stick around to watch me get fat again. We could have been best friends and ran off to a deserted island and lived happily ever after together.
Yeesh! With friends like that, who needs enemies?
And how dare you have a good personality around married members of the opposite sex!! Scandalous ;^p